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Parental Alienation anyone with experience?

NakedBee00's picture

Recently older teen SK told us BM has been "working over" younger SK 11 trying to turn SK against us . This has been going on for some time. Guess BM will go fishing for any dirt she can find from younger SK and encourage SK to talk about it. For example if younger SK tells BM we only let SK drink soda for special occasions she will make a big deal about it, tell SK how sorry she is to hear this and make a point of always having soda in the house for SK to drink whenever SK11 wants. We only let SK11 play video games on the weekends and only for 2 hours each day. Older SK said when BM found out she told younger SK11 that was "dumb" and went out and purchase a ps4 for both SKS rooms and allows them to play for hours. Now we know we can't control how BM runs her house thats not the problem. What we are concerned with is BM is drilling the kids for all  our "rules" then telling them how dumb they are and how sorry she is that we are SO MEAN and purposely allowing the kids to do things they are not allowed to at our house. Older SK is telling us younger SK11  is now telling BM exaggerations and even outright lies about what we have said to SK11 or some of our rules. When we confront younger SK11 if he told BM these things he says no BUT hes very defensive which he gets when he is lying. We are thinking younger SK11 is starting to make stuff up about us now to BM as SK11 knows BM hates us and this is what she wants to hear. Older SK says Younger SK11 says some really nasty things about BD to BM but when we ask him about it he deigns it as what he said to BM is not true. Right now there is no signs of Parental Alienation when younger SK11 is around us but our fear is BM is going to change that by what she is doing. What is everyone's take? Older SK sees through what BM is doing with younger SK11 see through too or could she brainwash the younger one?

dysfunctionally_blended's picture

YES!

We have watched this exact movement go down the line. HCBM will usually pick a skid and PAS them until they comply. Then move on to the other. It goes back and forth constantly.

Her tactic? She will withhold items and affection until skid is begging then she will buy them the world. Take skid on special outtings, etc. UNTIL that skid is completely goo-goo eyed over HCBM. THEN, that skid is dropped like a hot potatoe and she moves on to the other with the same tactic.

She will even go as far as playing skids against each other in order to force compliance. 

This has been going on for years in our household and will most likely continue forever. Believe me, there is nothing you can do to stop it. As you said, you cannot control her household. The only thing you can do is continue with the rules in your home. And hope as they get older they will recognize this behavior as abuse and move on. 

Unfortunately, we have not gotten to that point yet. Instead we are dealing with the contact affects of the PAS'ing, as you are too. 

My only advise, ignore it. Don't call attention to what is happening. Only enforce your rules. Basically, ghost your HCBM when it pertains to your home. 

NakedBee00's picture

Good advice. We believe...no we KNOW BM's agenda is to try and get full custody of at least the younger SK which would mean more $$$$. BM already tried in court and got shot down so now we think shes going to try and make her house look so wonderful for SK11 and make us out to be monsters he will want to live with her fulltime.

Thumper's picture

and read read read everything you can get your hands on. It's on line. So just Google Dr. Craig Childress  name.

 If you Google his name on YouTube, he also has video to watch on "Parental Alienation'

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Remember this," kids" do not reject a parent unless Pathogenic Parenting is present.  And, We must stop using the buzz term Parental Alienation  and or/  PAS the correct term is Pathogenic Parenting.

My intent is not to be vague with you---but my goal is to get you the proper information of the highest calabar and fact based. SEEK OUT ALL THINGS DR CRAIG CHILDRESS---he explains this is NOT a new syndrome and "PA" is not his idea. You will understand when you start digging in.