Feeling like I am losing grip
I am new here so please forgive my inability to remember all the abbreviations. 
I met my Fiancé 4 years agos when neither of us had kids. A couple months into our relationships found out that someone he had had a couple of interactions with (prior to us) was pregnant. Unfortunately she said that the only way he could have access with the baby was if she was in a relationship with her. He explained that he would be involved with the baby’s life but would not be starting a relationship with her.
Again unfortunately she did not respond well. My fiancé didn’t see his daughter until she was 6 months old and had got a court order. The court proceedings over a year and resulted in still very little access and responsibility for my fiancée. The mom try’s to refuse the court order weekly and children’s aid has been in contact with the mom about discipline issues. My fiancée is an amazing person who slept with the very wrong person but is in love with his daughter. The mom refuses to meet me and constantly puts me down in front of his daughter. Thankfully his daughter is not phased by it and still enjoys being with all parties involved but I am from a separated home and I know that what parents say about the others makes a big difference with interaction.
We are currently planning a wedding and trying to move out life forward with his daughter and I am afraid. I am afraid that we will be taken to court by her to try and limit our access even more. I am not afraid that she will win. My fiancé is an amazing father, upstanding citizen and what every single mom would dream about in a child’s father. What I fear is that we will be put into debt by lawyer fees (which she doesn’t have to pay because she gets legal aid because she is on welfare which he did not know at the time of the encounters) and that we will not be able to afford our wedding or anything else we want in our life. I shouldn’t have to be afraid of my own wedding because of the backlash from her but I am.
I love his daughter like she is my own! I have been in her life since she was 10 months old (when he got access away from BM's residence) but I am starting to resent everything because of the BM making things more difficult than it needs to be. We are currently trying to gain access to daughter's medical files. In our court order agreement that BM agreed to it says that he has access and that she needs to sign any paperwork to show this. She is refusing to sign it because she doesn't feel that he should have access to it!
My parents never remarried or had significant others. My uncle was a step father to 2 boys and I would normally talk to him when I was having issues but he passed away two years ago and since then I have been finding myself struggling with dealing with everything.
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Plan on court battles and
Plan on court battles and visitation interference until she is 18, if not outright parental alienation (as in, his daughter stops speaking to your fiance and refuses to see him). If you live in a state that has child support go past 18 (mine goes to 21), then expect battles about that continuing until the child is grown.
This kind of woman does not give up. She feels like a victim because your fiance won't be with her, and is marrying you. She will make his and your life challenging for years to come.
This is what we have dealt with, and my DH did stay with and eventually marry the woman who he knocked up accidentally. But after she had multiple affairs, he left her, and she has spent the past 10 years feeling like a victim. We spent 50K plus on court and my SS (now 18) refused to speak to my DH for over 3 years. Now the battle is about money. She. Will. Not. Let. Go. I believe she created SS to hold on to DH (as did your fiance's ex) and she does not intend to ever let go.
I love my DH, and we have made it work, but if I could have seen what was going to happen, I would not have signed on for it.
hindsight is 20/20
I probably would have made a different decision as well. I live in Canada so I believe it is until 18. I came from a family where my parents divorce took 10 years to be finalized so I am familiar with the ups and downs. What I am struggling with is planning a future when the past keeps rearing its ugly head and dragging us back. I am struggling with ways to move forward during the rough patches (aka right now) so that we can keep our life moving. Any helpful strategies to dealing with the rough patches?
CS in Canada can go beyond the age of 18 years old
If your SD is in school the yes it can go beyond 18 years.
But this isn't a rough patch,
But this isn't a rough patch, it's a child. This child can and will affect your lives and your finances for very likely the next twenty years. FWIW, where you are , child support will end when it is agreed and proven the adult child can 1) fully support herself 2) finishes her higher education and can afford to support herself.
The birthmom nor her attitude towards you are not going to just poof. And as frustrating as it may seem to you, the Mother does not have to met you nor have any interaction with you. You aren't the parent. Your F is the sole person she has to communicate with when it comes to the child, well the father and the courts.
You marriage really should change nothing as to what BM can or can't do in a court room. If she is bent on making your DF's life h*ll, she'll do it whether you marry or not. Simply because Dad marries is no cause to cut visitation time even more so. She has to have a genuine reason to support her request.
But, yes, any man who has previous children are going to always have debt going out to those children , for many many years. Strike that one up to choosing a man with a child for your life pick. Not the BM's fault, nor especially the child. And yes, it can slowly cause some resentment on your part.
Lawyers are expensive. Lawsuits drag out and on for years. You've already been through one court fight with this man over his parenting rights to the child. Some of these mothers who feel they must 'punish' the man for rejecting them can and do carry out many legal issues in courts. Unfortunately for you, the man you chose carelessly gambled when he spent time with this woman without adequate protection. The child is the result of it.
No one here can honestly advise you on how to handle your current fears. You're going to have to decide for yourself if this struggle ( man with a history and a vindictive BM in his life) is for you or not.Yes, he has legal rights, but yes, too, he will have to fight for the rights and pay for the fight.
The trouble is - there will
The trouble is - there will always be rough patches with a BM like that. We would have a few months of peace, and then she would ramp up her crap again. It will likely never be peaceful - I think you can look forward to a future much like our life has been, based on what BM has done so far.
You are right to expect
You are right to expect trouble both from the kid and money woes. However, you’re sadly very wrong to not be afraid that he could lose. He probably will even if he is a perfect shining example of a dad. The cold hard truth is most courts are Pro Mom.
Expect a lot of drama with the wedding and then the next few years. She is what we call a Golden Uterus. Search it in the search bar and read a little. It might help you prepare for your future.
Exactly
You should be afraid... very very afraid. 99% of the time the BM will win regardless of her horrid behavior. In Family Court dad is the automatic bad guy without exception. Then there is the parental alienation which for now is not having much of a foothold but as the child grows older and believes that her bread is buttered on mommy side soon dad will become the enemy. After that, there is a good chance that Dad will blame you for losing his daughter despite all of the BM alienation tactics. After all. as you said, if he had a relationship with the BM, there would be no need for her to make his life miserable. In the HCBM manual he has gone the worst thing possible...i.e. DARED to move on.
Any income you make may be considered fodder for her and also there is a good chance that your income will be used in legal battles. Do you really want that? At the very least, you should have separate finances all the way.
Think long and hard because these situations normally do not turn out well; you will spend years of misery with a high chance of breaking up in the end over this anyway.
You sound young you could probably get a nice man that doesn't have children.
Family court is ridiculously
Family court is ridiculously expensive and it can go on for years. This will be your reality until the child ages out. I'm not sure how things work in Canada but here in the US many parents are on the hook for college expenses as well. I'm in a dispute with my youngest sons father right now who is trying to withhold visitation and it's already cost 4k just for a few things to be filed. This will go on for the next few months, I've saved 15k to resolve this issue and hope it will be enough. I will do anything and spend any amount to get my son back. Much of my income is being saved for court fees. It's depressing to think that all of that money could have gone into a college savings fund but instead is being used to fight for the right to be a parent. My husband is supportive but he does hate the fact that we're paying lawyers rather than using the money to fund our future.
Personally I would advise holding off on marriage until he resolves his legal issues. You really don't want to chain your wagon to that.
You may just have to
Cut contact with SD. Going to court the next 12 years is going to bankrupt you. And the kid may hate you after all the money you wasted on her. I can not tell you what to do. But you should look at it all with clear eyes. And not your heart