sd is acting like her mother
So Thursday night sd called bf cell phone he was at the gym so I answered we lost the connection so I called her back my mistake...anyway I said "Hi whats going on" her response "I wanted to talk to my dad" I then said "Well honey he is at the gym and he usually leaves his cell phone here" she comes back with "Well I guess I know not to call then"...I didn't responde and I guess to break the silence she says "Is the house clean?" I kinda laughed and said "YEAH, it pretty much stays clean besides toys" the little shit says "Well thats a SHOCK" needless to say I was irratated WHY on earth does this child have to be so damn nasty to me when I answer the phone??? She does this whole my mom and I are better than you in everyway thing everytime I talk to her on the phone and for the first couple of days of every visit...I don't get it...I do everything for this kid she spends more time with me then her dad and when she goes home she tell's her mom lies about me and says that she hates me...WTF...I know she is a child but it really hurts my feelings and I don't like the idea of competing with anyone and now she is acting just like her mother and comparing herself to me...EVERYTHING my house, the way I keep my house, my clothes, makeup, nail polish, interest in music, where I shop and the list goes on...this is what her mom does when I talk to her as a matter of fact I had to talk to bb the other night about sd next visit hubby was ill..anyway she was telling me how her son is the smartest 4 yr old alive keep in mind my son is 4 also and they are constantly compared to the point that I almost refuse to answer questions about my son anymore not that I think her kid is better I just refuse to do this, not making fun of her little boy but you can't understand anything the kid say's and she is telling me how the DR. said the words he uses is amazing whatever...to be nice I asked How things were going with her boyfriend if they were still buying a house together..wrong again she then proceeds to tell me how he is out of town making $40.00/hr right now...GOOD FOR YOU AND YOUR COKE HABIT>>>WHO the F%@# cares...I just get so damn sick of it and now sd is doing it...what do you do?? I am getting to the point that I just want to leave when sd comes to visit I don't want relationships with people like this I mean you have relationships with people because your benefit in a good way from them not to cause you stress and heartache...I know I know sd is part of the package but how do I deal with this??? It pisses me off...
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What a snot! I'd look her
What a snot! I'd look her square in the eye and say, "You are being rude. That is not the appropriate way to speak to an adult. And I'm not just any adult, I am your stepmother. If you cannot speak to me pleasantly, then we will have to discuss consequences for your disrespectful behavior." And then I'd take away anything and everything that means anything to her until she apologizes.
~ Anne ~
"The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there." ...Anonymous
I agree with Anne
I'd just set her straight. "I don't appreciate your tone or the rude things that you say. If you are unable to speak to me nicely, you need to understand that there will be consequences. I will not tolerate disrespect in my home." And DH needs to back you up on this! There's nothing that could be worse for this situation than for you to decide to discipline SD for her bad mouth and DH to go behind you and undo everything you've done. That will just turn her even more against you.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
Thank you both for the
Thank you both for the advice I just wish it was that easy...you see her smart mouth usually only comes about over the phone...face to face contact she doesn't really get hateful she just constantly compares herself and bm to me and the way I do everything, what can you say to that I'm certainly not going to get in a pissing contest with a 10yr old I feel silly even admitting that this bothers me because she is just a child that is a product of her unfortunate environment...she is being taught to only except the best of the best which can be good to a degree but bb is the type that has a champaign taste with a beer budget and sd is doing the same thing, I'm just concerned that sd will live a very unhappy life like her mother because nothing will ever be good enough...and as far as my husband goes with supporting me on issues with sd he is like most fathers she is just a kid and I am being too hard on her...so my hands are somewhat tied...I seriously feel the need to just not get involved with sd or issues concerning her its not worth the heartache...this child acts like she hates me, the only time she wants anything to do with me is when I am buying her something or taking her somewhere....
I deal with the same thing at times.
SD 16 will call the house or his cell and if he is busy I will answer and then its "Can I talk to my dad" like no hello or anything. Ok, but its the same thing. I have to say though that anymore I am just a little crappy, back. I am a grown up and I know but you know after so long you just say whatever. I am nice to her when she is nice to me now, I don't speak to her if she does not speak to me. That is just the way it goes. This past weekend, I went to the GOODWILL store, and it was 50% off. So I stayed in there and shopped, I bought all name brand items and stuff, but one in particular thing is I found these SILVER jeans, which according to SD they are like $80 a pair, well I found a pair that I mean to tell you are BRAND NEW, and I paid $2.50 for them. SO I have decided I will no longer buy my clothes at the regular store, I will go to stores like that so in all I got like 10 new pairs of pants and capris, 7 new tops with the tags on them and I spent less then $50.. She said I would never go in there, I laughed and said thats ok. Now she is funding her own things she wants.. Kinda funny. So I say just treat her like she is treating you, being nice all the time when you are treated poorly starts to take its tolls on a person.
Good luck..
Happy
" make sure you tell the people you love most EVERYDAY.. Its important not only for them to know but for you to tell.. Life is to short to be miserable..
I am with you Happy
My sd is only 14 and acts just like her mother. Her mother gets $$ from her other ex all of the time. He pays for bio mom's health insurance, medical bills, new furnature and all of her vacations (he says it is for their son), but sd now thinks that this is the way to make her money, and that you don't really have to work hard for it, that it will just come in. I swear she thinks it grows on trees or something. They went on a vacation for spring break (courtesy of bio mom's ex boyfriend) and had spa treatments etc,....she is 14, I have never had a spa treatment and I am 30!!!!
Anyway, I don't have a very good relationship with her either, despite my efforts! She is very short with me and tells dh that she likes me, but does not show it, that is for sure! Just tells him that to make dh happy I think! But, I just do things with my mom and things like that when she is around. Besides, she is there to see him, not me!
If it's only over the phone...
than she's using the phone as a crutch. It's her false sense of confidence in saying what she wants to you. The other thing is that it's possible that she knows her mother is over hearing her conversation (or some body is) and she may be using this tone to confirm and/or justifiy what she may think her BM feels towards you. Such as if SD picks up any animosity between you, DH and her mother, than it's possible that she is just affirming she feels the same way. It sounds to me like she may be using this tone with you to justify it, if that makes sense. It's a false sense of security for her, well because you're not there to rightly smack her, so she knows she can get away with it.
I would call her on it, and ask her point blank... Why, it's nice to talk to you too. Is this how you talk to everyone on the phone? I'm so sorry that you despise me so much. etc... be sarcastic with her, but you'll be making the point that it's rude. Or simply tell her, don't bother to call if you're going to be rude, and I didn't have to answer the phone for your dad! etc. I thought I was being nice in talking to you. Apparently, I annoyed you, why?
You really have to call her out on it, let her know it's quite inappropriate, and that you treat others with respect, not expect respect from them. It's a two way street. To get respect, you have to earn it.
The other thing I would do is don't let DH answer his phone at all, except you do it whenever possible. When she starts to get short with you again, you can simply respond with... "Guess you don't really want to talk to your father that badly", etc. Don't hand the phone over until she starts to speak nicely, than hand the phone over.
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...