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Tough Question about Violence

Biological Stepmom's picture

So my stepson is almost 13 (i've been his stepmom for 9 years, since he was 4) Him and his mother or BM have always had a very stressful relationship. And it's gotten physical quite a few times with her abusing him & now a teenager him abusing her back. She has bullied him the entire time i've been around & i think he's just conditioned to the craziness.
Please note that this same child in my home does not show this kind of aggresiveness, We do not have these problems when he is in our home which is 60% of his life & this includes every single weekend. He can be a brat like every other kid, but nothing violent and nothing near what goes on at his moms.
So the kid is lashing back and now the BM is playing the victim and she ends up calling my husband DH all the time & she expects DH to fix it. Or my stepson ends up calling DH his dad to settle things up, Both of them are usually out of control & its very dysfunctional anyway you put it. The BM has not a single motherly instinct running through her, She is maternally clueless. She is not interested in proper parenting & expects DH to put their son in his place.
My DH has talked with him about being good and shit but she can never tell him no & has excessively spoiled, overindulged & her over permissive parenting style not to mention him having no choice w/ her over involved sucking up the all the air thats meant for him personality disorder (narcissism NPD for short). She antagonizes him & she normally gets the trouble started.
I feel extremely sorry for my stepsons upbringing, i watched it unfold in front of my eyes but i was not as knowledgeable about it as I am now, one of those i wish i knew then what i know now.
Im just seeing things getting worse the older he gets & the more he stands up to her, i don't want to see him getting in trouble with the law for something that his BM started she is a big ol bully and he's not little anymore.
What are you suppose to do in these kinds of situations? Should the police get involved? in the past the judge court ordered her to take anger management & parenting classes which she followed through with but didn't change anything at all except she was a little less angry when she called hysterically.
Poor Skid