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My YSD

belleboudeuse's picture

Submitted by belleboudeuse on Mon, 04/05/2010 - 12:48pm

Last night my younger SD (16) told me, in front of DH, that she feels like even though she loves her mom, I'm more of a mom figure to her than she is. Why? "Because you think about other people before you think of yourself, and because you hold me accountable but you're not mean about it."

I tried really hard not to encourage negative talk about BM, but I did thank her and told her that meant a lot to me. I said that BM's intentions are good, but sometimes the way it comes out isn't the best.

It was a lovely moment to me, but a tough conversation. Because it made me sad that she has to think that way about her mom. But I'm glad she feels like I make up for it all somewhat.

BB

Comments

DISbelief's picture

Submitted by DISbelief on Mon, 04/05/2010 - 12:51pm

Bitter/ Sweet. I understand. That is wonderful that she is able to understand all of this at 16. That is a tough age. Looks like you are powering right through it though. Moments like these make Step parenting WORTH IT.

Nice post Belle

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ Wink

truetome's picture

Submitted by truetome on Mon, 04/05/2010 - 12:57pm

I had my SD say the same thing to me and within 3 months of her wanting to move in, BM started playing parental alienation head games with SD and now SD hates DH and her brother who lives with DH and myself. It is a very fine line, especially when DH tells BM that the SD said this to me.
Men are just dumb sometimes.
Belle, Enjoy the compliment. It may be one of very few you get. I still cherish that one time SD actually complimented me.

Truetome.

belleboudeuse's picture

Submitted by belleboudeuse on Mon, 04/05/2010 - 1:08pm

Truetome, that sucks. Your story sounds like the stories of a lot of the stepmoms on here -- the kid gets close to them, and then mom gets jealous and insecure and has to destroy the relationship. It's so, so sad.

In our case, BM has two daughters (17 and 16) and only loves the older one. So frankly, she could care less if YSD likes me better, I imagine. OSD would be a different story, though. So, I am careful to be good to her but not to try to get too close, lest it backfire on me the way things did with your SD.

BB

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

TheWife's picture

Submitted by TheWife on Mon, 04/05/2010 - 12:57pm

I agree with DIS. It is the rare moments like these that make you see that they ARE paying attention to all you do for them.

____________________________________________________________________

"If it sounds like I think I am better than you, it's because I do."

stepmom008's picture

Submitted by stepmom008 on Mon, 04/05/2010 - 1:10pm

I'm glad to hear this Smile And I also think that it's courageous of kids to say these kinds of things too.

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".