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Double standard vent!

Beautiful Dreamer's picture

I had no idea of the double standard in TX until I got with DH. That it's ok for women to have multiple babydaddies and not work but the father's have to "man up" and pay child support while the mother can actually sit at home and not do anything but cyberstalk her child's stepmom and the law will not do anything about it. OH and let's not forget the mom's who wait several years to get a DNA test (or flat out leave the state and go into hiding for a few years) and then have the audacity to ask for back child support! God forbid the man has children with his wife because his other children will suffer. The income tax return that should go to the child(ren) in his household goes to the kids that aren't in the household it's BULLSHI*T!

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stepmisery's picture

If they seize the income tax return that means NCP owes arrears. Back child support is not awarded in Texas, it only starts from date of filing. So a mother shows up five years later, there is not five years of back child support laid on some unsuspecting man.

Arrears means there was an order, an order that was ignored. I suspect someone is paying fast and loose with the facts.

Beautiful Dreamer's picture

When we went to court a lady told me she was asked if she would like the father to pay back child support and she said no. With BM² DH is in arrears even though he requested a DNA test and she told him no and left the state. When she came back 6 months later and the DNA test was done and he was proven to be the father he has to pay from back when SS was born.

stepmisery's picture

That's not enough information from that lady.

Did DH sign paternity papers? Was he listed on the BC? There's more to this than he is saying or you are telling. It sounds like there was a CO, was BM2 on welfare of any kind? Because the state definitely goes after the NCP when the CP is on welfare.

If CS was ordered and he wanted to contest it but she left the state, pretty sure the CS order would not be suspended.

It really sounds to me like your husband was the legal father from birth.

Beautiful Dreamer's picture

Nope DH is not on the birth certificate and BM² was and still is actually legally married to someone else who DH didn't know she married. It was one of her many skeletons. Oh and yes she was on welfare. She worked until she got her first child support payment.

SanAntonioSoccerMom's picture

It has to do with paternity adjudication. If paternity was never established they can go after back CS, some states do have limitations (like 5 years for example).

If paternity was established, and the CP just never filed for support, then that is a totally different kettle of fish.

And it is especially bad if the biomom is getting state aid. The state will demand a father and go after him like white on rice.

Beautiful Dreamer's picture

^^^^^^^THANK YOU OH AND YOU ARE FROM TX SO YOU ALREADY KNOW HOW SCREWED UP OUR STATE IS WITH CHILD SUPPORT!

herewegoagain's picture

The day they start charging CS from the DATE the DNA test comes back positive is the day those crazy BMs will start getting their heads out of their a$$! Sorry, but any woman who will not go for a DNA test immediately following the birth of the child is a woman who has doubts. Period. If you have nothing to hide, there is NO reason for you not to get a DNA test immediately. Just because it comes back positive, doesn't mean that the woman didn't sleep around and had doubts...She was probably waiting for the kid to resemble a guy more so she could figure out who to blame...

PS - if a man requests a DNA test and the woman runs, the CS should start from the day the DNA test is done if it comes back positive

if a woman requests a DNA test and the man runs, the CS should start from the day the DNA test was requested by the woman if it comes back positive

That should give some of these idiots an incentive to stop lying.

doll faced sm's picture

if a woman requests a DNA test and the man runs, the CS should start from the day the DNA test was requested by the woman if it comes back positive

I agree with this statement whole heartedly. I made it to the OCSE two weeks after the birth of my oldest DD. It took the court system 4 *years* to finally order a DNA test. Why? B/c the biodad knew he was the biodad and kept moving to different states so that the state I was in (TX) had to start legal proceedings all over again each time he moved.

Beautiful Dreamer's picture

Because in Texas they can go back up to 4 yrs which BM² filed when SS was 11 months old.

stepmisery's picture

Never ever heard of this but of course I've not heard of everything that ever happens in Texas, however I do know some people in similar situations and in no cases was back child support ever ordered. Only from date of filing.

The story just really doesn't make sense, if she was married then the husband was the legal father and the biofather shouldn't haven't been dinged for CS until paternity was established because the presumption is going to be that the husband was supporting the child.

I'm sorry but unless you have personally read every court document and followed the paper trail yourself, my money is on that your DH is twisting facts to make himself look better in your eyes.

Beautiful Dreamer's picture

I have actually read ALL of their child support paperwork and have been there since day 1 when paternity was established. The judge added on an extra $50 to what DH already pays in child support to cover his arrears too.. Oh and about her husband she married to keep him in the states but he lives a good piece away now. I did find this

Q. How far back can the courts go in making me pay retroactive child support?A. If the parents were married, retroactive child support can be ordered back to the date the parents separated. If they are not married, child support could be ordered to the date the child was born, plus prenatal and postnatal expenses not covered by insurance. However, the court will usually limit the amount of retroactive child support to an amount that does not exceed four years of support.

DH and both BMS were never married....I guess I worded it wrong and should have called it retroactive child support instead.

Beautiful Dreamer's picture

Oh and I talked to father's rights and they said some women just know how to work the system

realitycheckmom's picture

When sperm donor and I went to court in Florida for CS the judge asked if I wanted back support. I said yes since sperm idiot had lied his ass off while I was pregnant and never followed through on anything he promised then he asked for an immediate reduction because he didn't want to have his CS for his first two kids reduced. Thanks Dick. Sorry when you say you want kids and a family then we have an accident you beg me to get an abortion because you don't want more kids you tend to Piss me off.

Not all of us BMs are bad and not all bio fathers are good. Luckily FDH is a good guy.

Beautiful Dreamer's picture

Yeah you sound like a good BM. I just don't get why it's ok for the crappy ones to get everything and continue on with procreating with several other men and can basically get paid for it and not work but expect the fathers to step up and pay.

realitycheckmom's picture

Thanks Beautiful, I don't bad mouth sperm d to DD and I send him pictures and try to update him when though I have numerous texts from him saying he has his life and we have ours. I don't call him out on his blatant lies, like when he asked me to terminate his rights and not make him pay cs because he couldn't afford it and just had his jeep repossessed. He still had the jeep when we went to court two months later.

He is ridiculous but I have kept some pictures for DD and all the information I know and from him and then what I found out online for her when she is older if she wants. My favorite is him lying about where he was born and playing football for his college team. They have all their team rosters online and a friend checked it out since she lives in the area of the school and follows their team. Yeah when you are going to lie don't do it about something that can be checked in five minutes or less. Not all fathers deserve the title as well as mothers.

I was really getting annoyed by a new member that has been slamming BMs and acting like all men are amazig fathers getting screwed by BMs. Some of us are great, like Dtzy. I wouldn't have made a lot of the choices that poster made and I think she has caused some her own BM problems.

LOL FDH has told me that I was not nice enough to BM and that's why she is suing for full custody now. I want to ask him if I should have stepped aside for her to pretend to still be married to FDH too. They have been divorced since.2007 its time she let him move on and have a family. She is now doing to me what BM#1 did to her and the funny thing is BM#2 jumped on FDH the minute he separated from BM#1 so she was sure that BM#2 was why they were getting divorced. I can see why she thought it but BM#2 was cheating on the guy she lived with because FDH was a step up for her. She wanted to get her claws in before BM#1 could fix the marriage.

herewegoagain's picture

Ah yes, like crazy witch who has had at least 4 jobs in the last 6 years...all min wage...so she could get more CS from DH because DH made more money (THANKS TO ME!), but she could continue having MORE kids she could not afford...she's on kid 4...witch.

Ah, just know it ends some day...and when it does, too bad. Actually, she stole from us when the economy was good...it started going down hill and we suffered...but now, it is worse than ever and well, her CS is over...lol So, there you go...Eventually it ends...but yes, it is crazy and ridiculous.

PS - I love my sister dearly, but her kids live with their dad most of the time and I DOUBT that my sister pays CS...she did however request CS when she had just one kid with her and he had two with him...in Texas, of course, she got it.

stepmisery's picture

I can actually see where, in your scenario, the father could be asked to pay retro to the baby's birth. He would have to try to prove that he had been supporting the child and what's the likelihood he has receipts? And again, as always, a lot of what happens in court is up to the judge, the judges mood that day, does he like/hate your attorney? And still, if he is on the BC and you file for support three years later, I do not see how a judge would order back support but hey, judges often just do whatever they want regardless of the actual law.

Texas does not recognize legal separation, therefore I do not see how, if they get divorced, that he can be ordered retro CS prior to a divorce decree or a CS order. I know for a fact a CS order can filed on the married NCP without a divorce. Your relative might be better off, in the long run, getting a CS order and covering his butt because I have indeed heard of plenty of NCP's who pay prior to a court order and a judge will consider it a "gift" and order retro support.

No, sorry, I still do not believe a woman can show up years later with a kid that a man has no idea ever existed and get child support back to the baby's birth.

Beautiful Dreamer's picture

Well you don't live in Texas and aren't in this situation so you will never get it I guess. But that's ok not your problem Smile

Beautiful Dreamer's picture

I wonder if that makes BM a polygamist because she was married to someone else while living with DH. DH knew BM² was pregnant but didn't think it was his because she slept with lots of guys and what is so bad about it was we made friends with a neighbor in our apt complex when used to live in the same apt complex as DH and BM² when they dated and he saw a pic of BM² and said a lot of people in the apartment complex referred to her as the apartment complex whore.