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Bratty step children, what should I do ?

Beatrice Audrey's picture

My husband has 2 kids, the girl is 15 and the boy 12. My husband makes a good amount of money and his ex wife really takes advantage of it. (He bought her a  house, pays her  electricity and heating bills every month) . She’s got a very good deal going for her. However, both the kids are super spoiled and bratty. She always brings them for shopping and buys expensive and designer items for the kids, which she demands my husband to pay for them afterwards. Those kids are entitled and think that they deserve everything. Like a few days ago, my husband was getting a new phone because his was broken. His daughter texted him in the meantime, demanding for him to buy her one too.(the one she wanted was more than a thousand dollars each) he said no. But then she said that she had put her current phone (who was working perfectly), for sale online and that she had a buyer. My husband fell for it and bought her the phone. We got home, he gave her the phone and asked for the money. She then said that there was no buyer for her phone after all. SO, she lied and manipulated him to get the 1000$ phone. I was so pissed off. He didn’t even say anything. I would’ve taken the phone back to the store. It’s so frustrating. They also have big authority issues. I mean, at 15 and 12, they should help around in the house. I’m always the one cooking and cleaning for everyone, without any help. It’s frustrating. I have asked them to help me but they always say no and my husband doesn’t want me to tell them what to do. We usually never fight, but because of his parenting method, we do. I don’t know what to do.

Comments

STaround's picture

He is OK with supporting his kids at a certian level.  You are not.  Is he paying his share of housing, etc?  Can he not spend money without asking you?

Tell him you want a cleaning woman after they are there?  How many days are they at your house?  

Monkeysee's picture

This isn't 'supporting his kids', this is enabling crap behaviour from both his kids & his ex. Regardless of how much money he makes, this enabling causes dysfunction that does and will trickle into his current relationship. The money isn't necessarily what's important (though we don't know exactly what OP meant by 'good money'). Enabling exes and children isn't healthy, no matter the way you look at it. 

He's just effectively taught his daughter that lying to get your way is ok. I don't know about your standards, but that's total crap parenting by mine.  As for the ex, I wouldn't have married my DH if he was still paying BMs bills & sending her money anytime SHE took them shopping.  Again, my standards are too high to put up with that crap.

Maggie1965's picture

I'm so frustrated dealing with my 36 year old step daughter. She's been diagnosed with bipolar & schizophrenia. My husband has been coddling her since day one. I've given her tons of money and places to live and she still wants more. Currently she's in a psych unit. 

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I don’t like the skids being manipulating. But the most blaring issue I see is him supporting his ex. He shouldn’t have bought her a house, definitely shouldn’t be paying her bills, and $1 million percent should not be paying her back when SHE takes the kids shopping (also likely bought herself crap too). To me that’s a whole other level of enmeshment.

he needs to deal with the bratty kids yes. Most definitely. But honestly someone that enmeshed with their ex is DEFINITELY not ready for a relationship... That’s too far.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

True. She makes it sound like he's paying all that on top of anything for his kids. But more inromation would be helpful on that part.

Beatrice Audrey's picture

So basically, he bought his ex wife a brand new house for her to live in with the kids. But they do come at our house every other week. But she doesn’t pay rent or anything. He pays when she brings them shopping for clothes almost every weekend (they are kids who like designer items). She sends him the bills after those shopping trips and he pays them. So to me, it’s frustrating because his kids are spoiled and I feel like his ex is taking advantage of him. He also pays for all their activities, like hockey for his son and for restaurants when his 15 year old daughter goes for dinner and parties with friends. He always pays for that, even though she has a part time job. His daughter is very entitled and when she doesn’t get what she wants she throws tantrums like a 2 year old, kicking and screaming. Is it just me or something’s wrong with that picture ?

shamds's picture

I cook for us, my ss20 who lives with us is too embarassed to grab food unless daddy is home since he’s such a rude disrespectful abusive arsehole. 

If the sd here has lied, hubby has not set any repercussions whatsoever for her behaviour, he simply rewarded her for being a liar and disrespectful to her dad, so what is daddy raising here then? A daughter who grows to learn its ok to manipulate lie and cheat people and get away with it further encouraging the behaviour and disrespecting daddy further meaning she does the same to you too?

your hubby is a major problem here, he isn’t protecting anyone from this behaviour

Curious Georgetta's picture

that only his money is to be spent on his kids. Tell him that not one penny of your money is to be spent on his children, and then stop cooking and cleaning after  them.  Assign those chores to your husband.

You do not have to agree with his parenting style; it is his right to parent his kids as he sees fit. You have no obligation  to financially subsidize or support his parenting  choices.

Your time and your money are things over which you have control. You can solve your problem by simply not investing either.

What you cannot do is dictate how he should parent; what you can do is control the use of your time and personal resources.

CLove's picture

Can you get away from the house and have a spa/shopping/meditation workshop while they are there? Stop doing all the housework, hubby can do it, or hire someone. But do this specifically when skids are there. If they dont listen to you when you ask for help, and you are not given any authority, then you have absolutely no responsibility to them. Your hubby cannot have it both ways!

Have you had any conversations with him about his parenting? Your SD is telling lies and getting away with it. There are no repercussions. It WILL get worse over time. My SD, now 20, when she was almost 18, got caught stealing. She had always been a lar (like her mother, she cant tell the truth to save her own life) and after, when the fines needed to be paid, my DH paid them because she was currently providing elder care for his mother. She had absolutely NO punishments. She got worse and has begun accusing family and us of abusing her and hitting munchkin sd12 (utterly ridiculous!). She has burned many bridges, and when she requested to move back in with us, was told "no".

So - this will get worse, if your DH refuses to parent.

Now - BM? Is there an agreement in place, or is this just DH prefrence? If it not part of any divorce settlement, get that cut off immediately. Thats the one thing that you CAN control, in this frustrating situation.