Well I've probaly done it now
I finally got up the nerve to tell my dh how I feel about keeping the kids by myself on the weekends while he goes hunting or does what ever he wants, not just on weekends but during the week to. Everybody knows my story the grandparents have gaurdianship of the kids. Any ways, I told him when we first got married when he went hunting I went to, or at least got to go do something with my family while he was gone. Now that were married he leaves, and I get sole kid duty all weekend long. Well I complained about it today. I said I felt like if he gets to go hunting on the weekend, then I should be able to do something. That its not fair for him to be without the kids and me the only one that has them so his parents can have a break. He proceds to tell me that he is so sorry that his kids are such a burden on me. That I'am suppose to treat the kids as my own, and that his mom use to stay at home with him and his siblinges when his dad wnen hunting, and she did so with out complaining, why is it such a problem for me?
He is alos upset (becuse he got to go to Texas last weekend to see the football game) that I wanted to give the kides to his mom on Sunday afternoon so that I could go hang out with my mom. I took the kids on Saterday morning and had them untill Sunday, untill I took them home and went with my mom, that was around 3:00 Sunday afternoon. He wanted to know why the kids couldnt go with me to hang out with her, if I had my own kid it would have to go. I told him I don't have my own kid. That really pissed him off.
He then said that he would tell his mom that from now on since the kids are such a burden that when he goes hunting, his mom can keep the kids so that I can do what I want. Now I have no idea what his mom is going to think. It makes it sound like I am an offal person becuse I want sometime away from the kids just like they do and my husband does.
Comments
Sounds like the jerk needs
Sounds like the jerk needs to take his kids hunting with him. It sounds to me like he's telling you to know your place and then shut up about it. Reading this, I am absolutely livid!!!! How much time does he spend at home? Does he go hunting every weekend? On the weekends he is home, go do something. He can watch them while you're out and about.
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Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!
I completely agree with
I completely agree with OHG!!!!
No. F*cking. Way. How
No. F*cking. Way.
How DARE he?
"That I'am suppose to treat the kids as my own"
Well, you tell his sorry a** that if HE is the model of how to treat the kids as your own, then YOU ARE treating them as your own by dumping them off on someone else.
Make a chart of how many hours in the last two months you have had the kids BY YOURSELF, versus how many hours he has had the kids BY HIMSELF, vs. how many hours you've had them together. Then show him the chart and point out that at the very least, the hours YOU take them should be less than the hours HE has them, because THEY ARE HIS KIDS, and if he wants a babysitter then he needs to start PAYING YOU!
Then pack your things and leave his sorry a**. He does not deserve to have children, much less a wife.
I gotta tell you, if I was your friend and you told me about this, I would kick his a** into next week.
UCSM (BB)
"No matter how cynical I get, it's never enough." - Lily Tomlin
During the week, he gets
During the week, he gets home around 1:30 in the afternoon. He goes into work around 2:00 in the morning. I know he needs the sleep, but he could at least see the kids for an hour a day, play with them, talk to them. Yes he goes hunting every weekend. I feel guilty feeling this way. He makes me feel even worse by saying the things he does. Thank you for your comment.
What a selfish ass man!!
What a selfish ass man!! They are his kids!! Tell him to take his kids with HIM!! What are you the babysitter!!
You need to have time for yourself just as he does!! He needs to find a clue! Don't let him make you feel guilty!
What an Idiot!!
"And this too shall pass..."
There is no way on earth you
There is no way on earth you should have to have these kids by yourself. He is their father, so he is the one that should be cancelling hunting trips etc to spend time with them. If he doesn't want them, and the BM isn't around why doesn't he let them be adopted by a family that desperately want children?
As for 'loving them like your own' - they're not your own, their his, so how is he showing his love?
Thank you guys so much for
Thank you guys so much for your responses. I don't feel as bad as I did earlier. I don't know what is going to become of our relationship. He told me after all this if I want to spend time with my mom I can pack my bags and stick her up my a**. I have not spoken to him the rest of this morning. I do love the kids, I try to do my best, but to him my best is just not good enough.
Well, he's pretty much drawn
Well, he's pretty much drawn a line in the sand, then. I would indeed pack my bags if I were you -- NO one needs this. Screw him -- he's emotionally abusive, that much is clear. He doesn't want a relationship, he wants a slave.
UCSM (BB)
"No matter how cynical I get, it's never enough." - Lily Tomlin
Spare yourself the future
Spare yourself the future drama. He's given you an out. Take it and run as fast as you can. I promise you will only save yourself future heartache and pain.
Life is what you make it.
He's an asshole. I'd pack
He's an asshole. I'd pack my bags and never look at his emotionally abusive ass again! Sorry that you are dealing with something so horrid. He's an ungrateful ingrate.
Wow, when reading this it
Wow, when reading this it felt like I wrote it. I really had to stop and think if I wrote it. I've been in the same situation for a while now. No kids of my own, and being expected to raise someone else's kids as my own. My heart goes out to you because I doubt you really want to leave but I know the stress and heartache of 100% caring for someone else's kids and when you want to do something alone you're guilt tripped into feeling like you are selfish and want nothing to do with the kids. Its a hard life, but one WE are choosing to deal with. Until you stand up for yourself and stop worrying about what others think, nothing is going to change.
Life is what you make it.
Every weekend?? Geez! No
Every weekend?? Geez! No way, no way, no how!! Don't you dare feel guilty for feeling this way! These are HIS kids, and he does nothing to raise them! Have you ever talked to his mother about this? I can understand that she needs a break, but he should be the one watching HIS children, not you.
He sounds like on of them good ol' boys who believe a woman's place is in the home cookin' his dinner and raisin' his weans.
Let me guess, I bet when you try to discipline his kids, he tells you to stay out of it, am I right?
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Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!
He's making you feel
He's making you feel guilty... He's guilting you into doing these things for him..and it sounds to me like the only person who takes any importance in his life is him. Like the others have said... these are HIS kids... therefore HIS responsibility. You should never feel guilted into doing anything!
Your DH is being petty and
Your DH is being petty and selfish. You hire babysitters, not marry them.
Put your foot down, and if he doesn't like it, tough. You have a right to have your own life. Sounds like the grandparents are using you too.
That's crap. Reading your story made me mad....
"To us, family means putting your arms around each other and being there." ~Barbara Bush
A babysitter and a mother.
A babysitter and a mother. His mother is to blame for taking his dad's b.s. Now her hubby has learned that behaviour and will have a hard time changing. Who does the household chores if he's gone every weekend? Tell him you aren't his slave, buy yourself some diamonds with his money and leave!
I worked during the week
I worked during the week with week-ends off.Like clock work both xw's would drop s/k's off on friday to be p/u on sunday night. this included holidays,christmas vacation,summer,school days off etc.With no time for us,and i can't count the times he went where-ever and left the kids with me.started to resent it . I told him I want at least one week-end a month for us. that did'nt last long.I guess My mother was right when she told me I was crazy to marry some-one with 4 young kids and not one but two xw's.
I forgot to say that when
I forgot to say that when hubby went out of town for a job.He was gone 3 months .xw's still dropped s/k's off like clock-work.they still wanted their week-end off. I was afraid to make waves.Hubby thought it was great that the s/k's wanted to come over even though he was'nt there.What a fool I was.I feel like a unpaid baby sitter , cook and maid.I should have listen to mom.
Don't worry, my mom warned
Don't worry, my mom warned me to. I didnt want to listen. Things were so diffrent befor we said I do. I should have listend to her to, that I told you so that I don't want to hear. How come moms always know.
You have a smart mother.
You have a smart mother. What does she think you should do now?
I doubt that his behavior
I doubt that his behavior will ever change. He seems to be a master at manipulation and since his parents are taking care of his kids for him he is obviously spoiled and used to getting his way. What kind of maarriage do you have when he works odd hours duirng the week and is gone every weekend leaving you with his kids! Boy does he have it made! He is trying to manipulate you with guilt into keeping his sweet deal going. Don't let him. Why did he care if you took the kids home a few hours early on Sunday? He was GONE so it was none of his business!
Please do not worry about what his mother thinks of you - she raised this manipulative selfish man and continues to cater to him! You will never completely measure up there!
I suggest that you tell him point blank that you did not marry him to become his free babysitter.
You may end up divorced but you could also wind up with step kids that dislike you when they are grown like so many of the SMs with grown children that repsond to this website. You would have then spent all of those years taking care of his children by yourself to please him and for what?
You too have right to enjoy entertainment and down time on your days off! Don't let your husband manipulate you into believing that you don't!
I couldn't have said it
I couldn't have said it better myself.
Sounds like he's trying to
Sounds like he's trying to turn you into their sitter. No way. His kids are his responsibility, not yours. Make an appointment at the spa and don't give a second thought as to what his mother thinks. If she has any sense, she'll be thinking 'geez, my son is such a slacker for not taking care of his kids'.
Oh hell no! Even if they
Oh hell no! Even if they were my bio-kids with him (let alone skids!), I would not tolerate him leaving out of town every freakin weekend (for fun!)! For every weekend he is gone? I should get a free weekend! If not? And if you CHOSE to be a "good little wifey" and not give up the skids for a weekend? He should be seriously kissing your ass BEFORE and AFTER the weekend to make up for his "free weekend" and the burden he has placed on you! What a jerk! It's emotional blackmail!!!
Sounds like some of these
Sounds like some of these men and women are young. I would've prolly let a guy steamroll me 20 years ago.
When Bf and I hooked up, I was 43 and the first thing I said when we became more serious...I'm not raising any more kids.
I wanted to tell you that
I wanted to tell you that you did the right thing.
With your title saying "Well I probably done it now", you sound a bit concerned with what problems you may have just stirred up.
Doing the right thing and confronting him with what he is doing wrong, is never something that feels good.
You know you are right! I would not feel guilty for standing up for what is right.
Staying with the kids from time to time is ok, but to put your life on hold because DH is living it up?
No way...
It sounds like he is an absent father.
He is gone a bunch, and when he is there? He still is not there for the kids.
His hunting plans need to go through you 1st from now on.
I can admit us guys seem dumb...
We are visual learners. we learn best by our own mistakes.
So take what he learned from him parents. Mom stayed at home with the kids while dad hunted.
This is what he learned, he heard no complaints, there were no mistakes to learn.
His logic... Du dis must be ok.
Here is another way of thinking...
Some of my best hunting stories are with my 6 year old step son who was all decked out in camo with me while we went elk hunting.
The wife at the time, I left at home!
We camped.
We ate like kings.
He learned to set up tents.
We listened to coyote howls in the night.
Camp fires, chopping wood, Bar BQ, and tracking and sneaking around looking for animals!
Why leave the kids at home? We had a blast!
I guess what I am trying to say is, this could turn around differently.
How do you plant the seed in his head to change the way he currently thinks?
Maybe... This could be that simple? I don't know.
You know this guy better than anyone.
Is he a dumb ignorant ass? or just doesn't realize that what he is doing is not right?
If his heart is in the right place and he learns from this?
Would things turn out for the better?
He is not only selfish but
He is not only selfish but now he's trying to turn the tables on you and make you feel guilty. Very manipulative. You should book yourself a trip somewhere and have some nice time on your own. You deserve it. BTW, he's an ass.