Am I being Selfish....
Ok... I was very excited to find this because I have to vent someone other than my fiance.
Long story, short...
My fiance has a son who is 5 years old. He has never had any rights to the boy. BM's mom was cheating on him while pregnant and they split. her fling has been raising the boy since he was born. we have been together two years and are about to get married. All of a sudden he has a itch to get visitation of the boy. which i supported until i met the little boy and all the drama is mom brings. The little one is very high strung, violent, rude and lies very badly.
This past weekend my youngest daughter had her ballet recital and my fiances parents came with his son. after he told us he hated us, wanted to kill us, spit on us, hit us I became very worried. I don't blame him for his actions, i blame his mother. Needless to say, his habits of lying are worrisome. he told his "dad" (the guy who raised him) that his moms new boyfriend beat him with his belt, he then proceeded to tell his mom from this weekend that we told him he had two new sisters, we wouldn't buy him anything if he called his moms new boyfriend (my fiances former very good friend) dad, said we made him take family pictures and on and on. All lies, we never said any such. we haven't seen him for over a year and he doesn't know my fiance is his dad. he thinks the guy who raised him is his father. We have been ignorant emails, texts and all kinds of stuff. I don't know that I am ready to handle all this. I don't want my marriage to crumble before it even gets here.
Am I selfish for not being supportive in this matter. I am scared to death he would go back and say I spanked him.. I could be fighting for my children.
What is the right thing to do? I know its going to drive our relationship apart, it already has!
I dont want my fiance to resent me the rest of my life.
Fiance's baby momma's dad is our county investigator, judge, has been sheriff all that good stuff!
I am scared to put myself and my kids through this.
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Comments
He did have a paternity test
He did have a paternity test when he was about 1yrs old and he pays 540.00 a month in child support. I think the child needs discipline and stability. I am more concerned with the lying. He has already accused the BM's new bf of beating him with a belt and honestly i have never hit my kids and never would but I know what I would do if my daughters came home and said their dads gf beat them. I don't want to be fighting for my own kids because of some sick twisted B*tch!
The hard part is that I have no right, no say and never will.... I will be taken advantage of and walked all over and treated like crap in my own home. I can only imagine what she will fill his head with.
I feel like such a POS for even thinking about leaving him because of his child. I do love him but I don't love this situation! I can just see this ripping our relationship apart. I have the worlds best ex. We get along so well and we all do things for the sake of the children. But I know she is not going to be that reasonable.
I would be scared if I was
I would be scared if I was you too. Tread lightly and get yourself involved as little as possible. And no matter what TALK with your fiance about your feelings...the worst thing you can do is keep it bottled up and make fiance feel bombarded later.
Good luck
MommaXs2, its hard not to get
MommaXs2,
its hard not to get involve. I want to be apart of the decisions because guess who is going to be taking care of him...ME! He knows exactly how I feel and then he says FINE I wont get my son. I dont want him to not do what makes him happy becuase I dont like it. He has never had anything to do with the lil boy. for the past 2 years it has been us and the girls and I lead a drama free life and dont care to add the stress. life, kids and relationships are stressful enough, I dont need to add anything else.
I am just so torn! but thank you for allowing me to VENT1
Dabevans, I am beginning to
Dabevans,
I am beginning to feel the same way! He does accept and love my children though. So I feel a bit two-sided but my children are great kids and of course I think that, I am their MOM!
Its just hard to give up on the person you love.
It doesn't matter if you
It doesn't matter if you disengage, or ignore, avoid...whatever they want to call it. A child can and will lie no matter what. I don't know what I would do in your situation but I sure as hell wouldn't want to be around or have such a vile/ violent child around myself or my children.
Those are my biggest fears.
Those are my biggest fears. He is not helpful with my girls. He pretty much comes home and lays on the sofa up to play a few times maybe. I am responsible for cooking, cleaning, packing lunches, bathing, bedtime, dressing, getting ready for school, dropping off at daycare and school etc... I do it all! He doesn't have any responsibility other than bring me a paycheck on friday's.
He has never been apart of his life, I know she will deny visitation and it will be a huge battle. I am not funding the court case! I don't have it to fund.
his BM is going to do everything she can to split us up or come between us. She hates that he has a family other than her and the little one.