My DH is a miserable F*#k
VENT!!!! My "D"H is just a miserable person. Ever since his whole court battle, four years ago, he's turned into a pitiful person to be around. He goes sometime without having a meltdown but when he hits the smallest bump in life, look out!!! The entire f*%#ing world is ending!!!! It's both pathetic and embarrassing to watch a grown, 6'4" man throw a tantrum like a 6 year old. I don't understand it. Everyone has their share of stress. He thinks that his stress is the worst in the world and that the world is out to get him. Everything is everyone's fault but his. He lets sh*t pile up and pile up and then wonders what went wrong. This morning, he couldn't find his truck keys. OMG, you'd think that someone robbed us blind. He threw the biggest mantrum I've ever seen. Over keys! Um, hang them on the hook at the front door... Funny how they're there everytime when you put them where they belong. But no, God hates him and is out to get him and make his entire life hell. I love my DH. But when I see a grown man act like he needs to be put in time out, it really makes him less attractive to me. Whenever something bothers him, he EXPLODES! Over the stupidest crap! Maybe he's still grieving the loss of is mom (who passed away 3 months ago) and this is his first Christmas without her. Idk. All I know is he's got an excuse for developing these bad habits. First court, then his job and now his mom. I'm just growing tired of it. Ss14 is at his moms until he says he wants to come home. Ss16 is at his moms full time now and only talks to DH when he wants something. I just had to vent. How do you deal with a grown man having a meltdown over something so minuscule? I just can't get over it. What a loser.
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Hang in there. The holidays
Hang in there. The holidays are difficult when you lose someone. It's been 7 years since my first DH died and it still hurts more so near Christmas. And be sure you are taking care of yourself.
I understand. I really do.
I understand. I really do.
You want him to face his grief and find a better outlet for it.
His outbursts are understandable but unproductive. He cannot work through this unless he stops and takes a look at what is truly eating away at him.
OP - would he be open to grief counseling??
My H lost his mom a little over four years ago. Though for him, her passing was bittersweet (several strokes and long time depression incapacitated her), he also had these kinds of outbursts and after a few months of it I lost my patience with him. He refused counseling because he was "fine" (he wasn't). Eventually he started dealing with it through poor decision making, which nearly lead to us getting a divorce.
I strongly recommend grief counseling for your H. He's bottling things up rather than mourning the loss.
"Ever since his whole court
"Ever since his whole court battle, four years ago" - it goes beyond his mom, he's also grieving the loss of his kids and quite possibly mourning the life he thought he could create for/with them. i totally feel compassion for that... but dude needs to get into therapy or counseling to help him work through this, big time!
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your comments. It puts things in perspective for me. He's always telling me he's "fine" but his actions state otherwise. His moms passing was sudden and unexpected. She wasn't even 60 yet. Honestly, he took her passing a little too well and I was worried for him. Then, one day, he just broke down and cried. As bad as I felt for him, I was happy he was showing emotion. In my mind, I think, I figured that was what he needed and that he got it out of his system. It takes time. As for the whole court thing, he won custody, until oldest ss turned 16 and threw DH under the bus like he was nothing. I know that hurt him too. I haven't spoke. 2 words to ss16 since that day, 3 months ago. Now, he just ignores DH, doesn't come for visits and only calls if he needs something. He called once, for a ride, and DH dropped everything he was doing to run and cater to his son who really doesn't like him. Nothing I can do there. Again, I appreciate you guys putting things back into perspective for me. The holidays are tough enough without having to deal with the passing of a loved one.
So he effectively lost his
So he effectively lost his son and his mother three months ago? That would do it.
He's depressed and grieving. He's so hurt that he's trying to push you away by his behavior. Grieving doesn't look like someone crying occasionally and then moving on. He's stuck right now due to the magnitude of his losses.
Also, he feels at the end of his rope, so any little thing puts him over the top. It may be "no big deal" to you, but to him, he's got no resources to deal with it so he breaks down.
Try to be more sensitive and caring. He can't be the man you need right now, but he's still your man. And he needs you to be there, to care for him, and not to judge him.
Don't minimize him and emasculate him at a time when he needs your softness and caring more than ever before. That will drive a wedge between the two of you that may not be possible to remove. Be less self-centered and more giving, and with time, you'll come out of this stronger than before.
Oh, your local hospice may
Oh, your local hospice may offer grief counseling. Even if his mom wasn't under their care, they usually open to the community.
At least your DH has reason
At least your DH has reason to act like that. If he will listen to you, try to get him into grief counseling, and maybe if he handles that, he will also look into his feelings since the court battles.
My DH acts like that much of that time, but he has no reason to! Every little "issue" in life is anyone's fault but his (read: I'm the easy target) and his life is sooo hard. My DH makes very good money, we have a beautiful little family, and SD24 is finally grown and emancipated. He doesn't know how to step back and look at the big picture.
Some people are just miserable, but it looks like you have hope. Hang in there!
I've lost both parents and
I've lost both parents and unfortunately have had other traumatic experiences in my life. I know what it is like to just want to scream over nothing.
But as a mature adult I also knew better than to pull that shit. Wanting to scream and throw a tantrum is understandable - actually doing it is not.