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annie two's picture

Okay, sorry about that. I did something wrong with the picture and submitted too soon. Please be patient with me, I am new to this blogging. You all seem like experts!

Anyway, my step children are nice to my face, but I have found some things that tend to indicate that they don't like me. And I don't know why. For example, one thing I found was a film that they made the first part of which my step son looked into the camera and said "mom, annie, f-you!" Then they started to laugh. I really don't understand it - we get along. The only way I can explain it is if I believe that for some reason they are faking it around me.

Comments

Cruella's picture

We all have had issues with both Skids and BM's.

If it were me and my skids said that I would demand an explanation. One thing I learned is that I dont' take disrespect in my own home from any children Bio or Step. Your husband needs to talk to them and set the record straight as well.

Mocha2001's picture

I agree 100% with Cruella! This is one of the first things my DH and I did ... I asked him what expectations he had of me with regard to parenting SS, and then we talked to SS. "If Trina, or daddy, or BM asks you to do something, you do it." In our house "Trina is just like daddy."

Not only does it go with demanding respect in your own home, but ... as most of us know ... the way we let our children treat us and others is how they will treat everyone when they grow up. If we don't teach them to respect us why the hell should they respect anyone else in their lives. Same with the house, if they doen't respect their own belongings, why should they respect anyone elses?

I think respect is probably one of the most important things to establish as a SP. If the day ever comes when SS says "I hate you." It will break my heart, but I will say, "that's fine, you can hate me all you want. I still love you and always will, but you will respect me while you are in my house."

~ Katrina

goingcrazy's picture

You found the right place! You are surrounded by friends here.

Have you shown DH (Dear Husband) the film? I would address the issue with him and the kids. If they are not liking you for whatever reason, you need to find out why. Remember that all bad situations can be rectified. Just don't hold any grudges against them. You can make it better!!!!

Glad to have you here.

annie two's picture

Thank you for welcoming me - it is good to feel surrounded by friends! Thank you. Yes, I did show him the film and he was mad at them and did the right thing and told them it was wrong of them to do. But I wanted to know why, but sometimes I guess you never know what goes on in their minds.

Anne 8102's picture

Could it be that they are faking the ugly stuff, because it's not "cool" to like/love your stepmom?

~ Anne ~

"The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there." ...Anonymous

annie two's picture

Wow. I never thought of it that way. Maybe it is the ugly stuff they are faking for the sake of being cool. There was another one of their friends with them at the time so that would make sense.

Thanks.

This blog is going to be very good I can tell already.

Thanks again.

Mocha2001's picture

See, I wouldn't have thought of that either, but ... why is it cool to hate a step-parent? If they are taught that a step-parent is less than a parent, then I could understand. But we are NOT less than a parent. We are a parent, even if we don't have BKs!

Some of you remember our Mother's Day comment, and how MY mom broke my heart! We were in church and the Pastor asked all the "moms" to stand up. I wasn't going to stand up, and my DH said ... you are a mom, stand up. My own mother said to me "what are you doing, sit down, you are not a mother." Of course she doesn't really think that way and she knows how much I love my SS, but she was thinking ... I'm not a mom because I haven't given birth.

Now, on the flip side of that (not shared at that time), my oldest step-sister (whom I don't call my step-sister, she is my sister) was pregnant with twins, due this month. They both were deformed and neither would have survived and she lost both babies! On Mother's Day it had been about 4-6 weeks since she lost the babies! She stood up on Mother's Day and no one thought twice that she wasn't a mother.

We cannot think of ourselves differently, and if we allow our SKs to think of us differently, then they will treat us differently!

~ Katrina