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OT - what topics do you consider OFF the table?

Aniki's picture

Reading momjeans' Dysfuqtional BBQ blog (and twomoviepoints' response) got me thinking...

What topics are off the table for discussion? What do you walk away from or immediately shut down? FYI, this is NOT a blog for bashing or pushing YOUR point. Simply the topics and (if you like) the reason WHY you will not be involved. I will delete any comments that specifically address/bash any person/affiliation.

Mine are:

  • Skids and their craptastic behavior
    I will only discuss skids here. Outside of my safe place, they are simply "not my responsibility" and there is "nothing I can do about it". My go-to response is "Oh well".
  • Sexual preference
    I don't CARE what your preference is. It has NOTHING to do with me (unless you're hitting on me, my DH, my garden hose, my sister's cat, or my thigh-high leather boots). I treat everyone the same.
  • Religion
    I don't CARE what your religion is. I have my faith and I'm happy with it. When you try to shove your religion down my throat, we're done.
  • Politics
    I LOATHE political discussions in general simply because most people cannot DISCUSS. They get argumentative and p!ssy. I refuse to associate with a former schoolmate because he is downright UGLY with people who don't agree with his narrow-minded opinion. Name-calling is the least. He actually told someone he wished they would have died in one of the shootings. He is abso-fackin-lutely VILE.


beebeel's picture

I can and will talk about anything with anyone. I don't make topics off-limits, I simply stop talking to certain people if they can't discuss things in a respectful manner. 

I have disovered my mom is one of those people who can't disagree with anyone without being a huge bitch about it.

Aniki's picture

Beebeel, I'm like you. I will talk about anything to anyone as long as it's TALKING. It's when people start getting irritated and upset and mean that I will no longer discuss.

My DH and my Dad are the only two people I know who will discuss calmly and logically without bringing emotion into it.

Major Blunder's picture

I avoid talking politics (I'm not into it and bored by most of it), religion (I have it and will be happy to tell you about it if you ask but I never offer and expect the same from others), issues of the day ( I usually have strong opinions and found it best to keep them to myself) and I shut down if DW talks about SD20, one syllable answers at best.

Aniki's picture

Major, if my DH brings up the SDs, I have nothing to say. Well, nothing GOOD. So I do the same - one syllable answers or an "mmhmm".

Letti.R's picture

I don't have any topics that are off the table.

However there are certain people I don't get into discussions with:
People who can not respectfully put accross a different view point, hypocrites who say and do two different things, and then down right liars who can not keep their stories straight.

It is not so much the message, but the messanger who I find revolting.
I find it best to avoid getting into discussions of any sort with these people.

ETA: Forgot to add - I don't like to talk to  people who make things up and talk out of their arse.

Aniki's picture

Letti, you're absolutely right. It's the PEOPLE who are the problem - not the topics. However, I do tend to err on the side of caution with the topics I listed simply because it's difficult to discuss them without people getting upset - even just a little. Which is why I tend to avoid those topics most of the time.

Aniki's picture

Talking out their assses = Verbal Flatulence.

I also avoid talking with people who insist their way is the only way. Or are so adamant about things that happened in the past that were so memorable, you KNOW their "memory" is skewed. They're not gaslighting - they actually remember it differently. Ish. One of my former schoolmates is like that. Her memory is narrow and skewed.

classyNJ's picture

Off Limits to me:

DBDB - simply refuse to discuss her with anyone at anytime unless it is here or my DH

Religion.  nope nope nope.  If someone wants to say grace then do it but do not make any one else there feel bad for their beliefs.

Politics - The only time it is brought up is when my older brother and older sister are there.  They are complete opposite parties.  I will light the fire, start the conversation, grab a drink and sit by my mom and watch the fireworks.  We get a kick out of their debates.

Happy 4th everyone!  Enjoy your days off if you have one!

Aniki's picture

Classy, you are so right. It's appalling that people try to make others feel bad about their beliefs. If you want to worship Bastet or poison ivy, do your thing.

queensway's picture

I love having intelligent conversations with people. But that being said I am very intuitive so those conversations are limited. Fun loving quick-witted people are my kind of people and I feel I can talk to them about anything. Nothing would be off limits for me. It is never the topic that would bother me. It would be the person and their ignorant stance that would turn me off and that is where I would  draw the line.

Aniki's picture

yes, Yes, YES!!! I should have clarified...

It is PEOPLE who make those topics off-limits. People and their incendiary behavior/reaction. I am perfectly willing to DISCUSS anything with anyone - as long as emotion is not part of it. Once emotion comes into it, it seems to go downhill quickly. Too bad.

ESMOD's picture

I can and will talk about pretty much any topic but it will depend on the time, place and other people involved.

Some things aren't workplace appropriate.. or things you would discuss with strangers at a casual social engagement.

Some things are hot politics or religion for some people.  In fact, I rarely discuss politics in depth with my DH because even though we have similar beliefs... he can get too "into" the discussion and gets emotionally tied up in knots over things. I am a bit more pragmatice regarding politics.  I have beliefs... I vote but have no illusions and believe that politicians are all flawed individuals and that the legislative process has it's limitations.  So, in the end, I can only get so fired up about things that in many cases really don't impact me directly or are very negative in nature.  I choose to focus on more positive.  Pollyana I know.. but it works for me. lol.  Or maybe I have the wisdom to know what things I can change.. and what I can't.



Aniki's picture

Pollyanna, er, ESMOD, there is nothing wrong with focusing on the positive. There is so much negativity in the world, I prefer the positive, too.

I have actually never seen my DH or Dad get emotionally tied up in any discussion. They are amazingly level-headed and logical. Not something I often see. I wanna be like Dad when I grow up!!!

queensway's picture

Oh Aniki how you make me smile! You want to be like your Dad when you grow up. I bet he is a great guy. But can he make those good drinks like you.

Major Blunder's picture

I guess i have to align my answer with the crowd, there are topics that I can discuss with anyone and then others that are reserved for those I know can actually talk and not sound like a complete idiot ( alot of times the idiot is me)

Aniki's picture

Major, if I believe I'm an idiot on the subject, I listen and try to ask questions to gain knowledge (hopefully, unskewed!).

Major Blunder's picture

Sometimes I think I know about a subject only to find out I don't or it's not what i thought it was in the first place, then I'm ready to learn after I've made an arse of myself lol

futurobrillante99's picture

I like talking about all those subjects, but not will militant closed minded people. If you're going to get nasty, pushy and ugly, our conversation is over.

StepUltimate's picture

...for the same reasons. I have to stay quiet as the peacemaker; I don't like conflict. Depends on who I'm talking to. I'm an aduld child of an alcoholic, and have the perception to prove it!

Gimlet's picture

Can you also freak people out by being able to read micro-expressions and body language really well?   I'm a reformed peacemaker learning to NGAF about everyone liking me all the time. 

Aniki's picture

I am NOT the peacemaker, but I also dislike conflict. I was married to an abusive gaslighter and learned to tread carefully. 

momjeans's picture

Religion - I have zero tolerance for proselytizing and my children. At least once a year I have to tell my MIL to knock it off. 

Politics is surprisingly not off the table around me. I’m steadfast in my polictical stance. Prior to the election, my FIL gleefully handed me and DH the book How Would Jesus Vote? as if he knew something we didn’t and wanted to share the good word. At that point I gave up taking his political talk serious.

Aniki's picture

MJ, there is a handful of people with whom I will discuss politics. It's all calm, polite, and interesting. Very atypical nowadays. 

Maxwell09's picture

Oh I have plenty. 

-Sexual orientation or preferences...I have long reserved these two topics as not my business. I worry about me, the things I like and the way I want to present myself to the world. Anyone else's have no effect on me. If skid desides he is gay (and he might), okay cool, but he still going to eat his brocolli; if skid decides he is a girl -okay cool, we are still going to finish our homework...

Religion- I am religious. DH is uncertain and BM, depending on who she is with, is atheist mostly (3/4 significant others thus far). I will not indulge anyone's opinions on how I should be teaching skid religious views that are not his own or neither of his parents. To me he is so young that we just need the basics: be kind, love one all creatures big and small, and SHARE (since his parents seem to struggle with that). 

BM- I used to talk about our situation to the friends and family in our lives about the trouble BM causes us, the struggles of family court and how difficult it is raising a Chidl of Separation...but they don't and won't ever get it unless they have been there. Even other stepmom's don't get it because each situation can be so different. I talk here but not to anyone else. It's always tempting when people lead me in conversation especailly at the ballfield...they always see me with SS. When he makes a play on the field he is throwing me the thumbs up or shouting to me. I bring his bag, drinks and whatever else. When the coaches, other parents, photographer, who ever come up to me and ask me a "mom" question, I correct them by saying I am not his parent. They are shocked and usual lead into wanting to know more about BM.....she's usually not too far off, she just doesn't do these things. 

I will give people advice on what I think they should do with their own situation or how I have handled a problem similar to theirs if I am asked. 


Aniki's picture

Maxwell, I reserve stephell discussions for this site because none of my friends can relate.

CLove's picture

with anyone not a stepfolk, because too often they just DONT get it. I am tired of trying to explain, and still no one (not even my mother who coos "poor Feral Eldest" all the time. Even after I mentioned how horribly I was treated for so long.)

I can talk about pretty much anything with anyone, but after my "wrong text to wrong person" mishap, I DEFINITELY cannot talk about BM to munchkin SD12 in anything but the MOST poitive of words. ESPECIALLY after I mentioned how no one will want Psycho b!tch at her gmas 96 birthday bash. Oh, and cannot talk to SO, about Feral Eldest. Sore spot. Cannot talk about sex with my mother. Cannot talk about religion with friends who are very liberal, because all religion is evil patriarchy trying to control the masses.


Aniki's picture

CLove, you are so right about stephell. "Outsiders" don't get it. May as well bang your head against a concrete wall!

CLove's picture

And not in a good way, like at a concert, or something. Yes, I am a learner, but do it all the hardest ways possible.