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bios 16 and 7 and ss 15 and 12

amyj's picture

And my God its the hardest thing I've ever had to endure in my whole life. My oldest bio, Tator Tot is my life. She's the best kid u could ever ask for. 16 with an attitude of course but straight A's and the biggest heart ever. She would go to the ends of the earth for me and I her. My youngest bio, Bri-Man is a lil monster. He's the youngest and is every bit a lil boy. Frogs in pocket and all. He's 7 so he still has a lot to learn and he's well on his way. Both my bios are VERY smart. At the tops of both their classes and I am oh so proud.
My 2 ss on the other hand a very different then what I'm used to. The oldest is 15 and he generally is a good kid but LAZY! No sense of want, no ambition, no goals and this is so foreign to me. My daughter is so goal oriented. The only other person I've met in my life lazier then him is his brother, the 12 year old.
All my issues seem to come from and with the 12yr old. This boy is absolutly unbelievable. Everything he does gets on my nerves. He wakes up in the morning and just looking at him irratates me. This kid has been catered to his whole life. Everyone in his life has enabled him to the point that, now, at 12, he can't cut his own meat. He can't dry himself off properly after a shower, he eats like a pig, literally, and he just basically CAN'T do ANYTHING for himself.
He's also found a victim in my 7 year old. He will do anything and everything in his power to get my son in trouble and 90% of the time it works with DH! I'm fed up and can't take him anymore. It seems like I'm the only one that sees what this kid does to Bri-man. Well the other kids see it and when Tator Tot sees it she comes unglued. That's her lil brother and she deals with it. Oldest ss sees it but rarely does anything because during his whole time with ss12 it doesn't matter cuz ss12 will just lie and get away with everything so ss15 has just become accustomed to taking the blame for everything. But now that's there's someone else to take the fall it just doesn't really matter.
This issue is getting me to the point of just walking away. DH doesn't ever do anything. Its always "poor ss12". He's even had the nerve to tell me that when he's away at work(he works 2wks on, 2wk off)he's afraid that poor ss12 is getting picked on and not being treated "motherly". He lies ALL THE TIME. Everything is ALWAYS bs7 fault. DH is tired of bs7 ALWAYS lying. He believes everything ss12 tells him. Ss12 would NEVER lie and get someone else in trouble.
Well I was at my breaking point the other day and confronted ss12 about everything and he basically confessed to everything. He blames bs7 for stuff cuz he doesn't want to get into trouble. So when bs7 is getting a whooping for something that ss12 has done or started, ss12 just sits there and watches, doesn't say a word. All these issues with ss12 has caused DH to resent bs7 and I resent ss12. DH blames bs7 for everything cuz he believes ss12 and I see with my own eyes what ss12 does and it doesn't do any good to say anything because it always turns into a fight about me not liking ss12. Well how can I when he is constantly lying to get bs7 in trouble cuz he jealous.
Oh and another thing, on top of being the laziest kids on earth, they are both HUGE liars. They will look u straight in the face, not flinch, promise to GOD while every word coming out of their mouths is a lie.They have both flunked a grade at school and I just don't know what to do anymore.
I've tried to talk to DH about this and it just causes a fight every single time. It turns into me "seperating" the kids. I've admitted my faults to him and he sees he has no faults. It drives me crazy. Ss12 WILL be the cause of our divorce!
There's SO MUCH MORE but his is all I could get out right now.
Just had to vent---thnx!

Comments

soverysad's picture

How often do you have Skids? I've found that confronting the bioparent on the problem (talking to) is just considered nagging, the only way to effectuate real change is to hand over some consequences - i.e. "if you're going to continue to blame bs7 and punish him for behavior that I see and tell you is ss12's doing, then we have a problem and if you won't fix it I will". He's gone 2 weeks at a time? Tell him to find childcare for those days. OR really punish ss12 during that time so he has something to cry about. Let ss12 know that lying WILL result in consequences for him even if it is days later when dh is gone. Personally, I would tell dh to shape up or get take his demon spawn and get the hell out, but that's me and that isn't always the easiest thing to do (its easy for me to say because dh listens to me). I did give him the ultimatum once. If he can't get SD5 under control by the time she is 6, I won't live with her. He got to choose twice in this scenario - a) he can step up and make her fix her behavior or b) he can choose who he wants to live with: me or her. Her behavior has improved incredibly since then.

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

amyj's picture

Skids live with us 24/7. I hate it. I've talked til I'm blue in the face and nothing seems to work! Ss12 has ALWAYS gotten away with everything, before me and since me! I do punish him more when DH is gone but when he gets home it just goes right back to where we started. DH has stated many times that he's fearful for ss12 when he's gone! I have to choke myself to keep from laughing in his face. I am not abusive to this kid although sometimes I have to MAKE myself walk away. Everytime I bring up the issues I have with ss12 he has to bring up issues with bs7, bd16 and just anything else but ss12. Its even so bad that we were in counseling for bs7 for some unrelated issues and during the sessions DH did everything he could to get ss12 the attention. My /od, I was SO MAD! These were some pretty serious issues we were dealing and every bit of the attention SHOULD HAVE BEEN GOING TO BS7 but nope! Not here! I'm just so fed up!