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If I pull out any more of my hair...

ambrosiastorm's picture

I'm at a loss.

So much of a loss, that I'm sitting down and starting a blog. I didn't know if I should...I didn't know where to start...so I told myself, "Woman. Just sit down and start writing."

I'm engaged to a man with 2 bio-atomicbombdropping-teens - SD17 & SS18. The family issues are quite, interesting, as I'm without children of my own and the BM & Hubby#3 have 8 children (with the two I previous mentioned) combined. Let's just say that life is never boring.

In the past 6 months, life with SD17 and SS18 has blown sky high. SD18 lives full time with BM, as he attempts to straighten out his life. He comes to visit when he's not working one of his two jobs and has spent rather quiet weekends with us on occasion. He can be a troublesome young man at times, but he has significantly calmed down. Working 2 jobs will do that to a person.

SD17 lives with us 1 week on/1 off. She is a mirror image of BM (who I actually get along with) and the toxic levels she brings into both households is off the charts.

I posted in the teens part of the forum about feeling absolutely ill when it's her week with us. 7 days in the burning pit of...yeah, you get the picture.

Funny thing is that one small, petty, stupid thing has set me off for the day and it all happened about an hour ago. The fiance left work early to take her to a doctor's appointment. She went down to the school and picked her up. That should be the end of the story.

Instead, they come back to the house. She immediately walks in, wipes her wet shoes off on the living room rug, wears the wet shoes through the house, announcing that she promised two of her friends at the school (who are practicing for some drama related project) a soda. She then stomps into the kitchen, throws open the door, throws open the pantry door and prances right back outside, two sodas in hand.

Dad stands there. I think, "Are you kidding me?" Dad and Diva leave. I seethe.

Again. I shouldn't be angry about it? Right?

Well, to me...it's the proverbial straw. Her room is beyond normal teenage disaster area. She refuses to clean it and we have tried everything. (The fiance won't let me do the old trick of just piling crap in garbage bags. The smell and the trash are outrageous.) She has caused major disruptions in the lives of both her BM and my fiance. She takes no responsibility for anything. She lies and conjures up stories about the most trivial of issues. She is failing a major class in her senior year and bombed her SATs. She believes she is the most important thing in the world and the most talented -- if you do not agree, she will spit fire.

And yes, she's attending counseling. For anger issues.

Oh, boy.

Comments

ambrosiastorm's picture

It wasn't the sodas. lol. I know, I made it totally revolve around the soda. But, I know I'm more frustrated about the continual circle of well, crap.

I decided to hightail it upstairs and just sit in the bedroom for a while. I heard them come in and she immediately yelled, "Ew, the carpet is wet. Dad, do something."

Yep. So it is. So it is. The bedroom becomes my sanctuary for the evening.

I know. A backstory would probably help. And I will get to it. I'm just terribly confused and angry and I should have vented to someone or something a long time ago. There has been more volatile and crazy issues than just minor day-to-day, I didn't take out the garbage, life. I just feel horrible that such a normal, minor thing to most...just has me so bent out of shape, because I see it as another senseless moment.

Maybe, I suck at dealing with it. I don't know. That's why I'm here. I just don't know much of anything right now. Smile

buttercookie's picture

I wouldn't make a deal over the sodas either, yes its annoying but your DH will think your being petty.
I'd make your DH do something about the carpet though. There is no reason her behavior should be allowed when its damaging the house.

ThatGirl's picture

Wow, if he was willing to drive her home to get two sodas when they should have been going to a Dr's appointment, I seriously think saying anything about anything is going to do any good. The reason the daughter acts that way is obviously because he allows it. Highly unlikely that's going to change.

jenstep's picture

I know that revenge is not acceptable, after all you are the adult, right? RIGHT? (But, if I had absolutely reached the end of my rope and there was no end in sight...I saw somewhere on a TV show or movie someone placing sardines in a variety of hard-to-find places. Maybe put some in the hem of her curtains. 1 in between her mattress and box springs. I mean, I would NEVER do this and you shouldn't either. cough cough.) Maybe the smell will convince her to clean up the sty.

ambrosiastorm's picture

Oh, of course. Revenge...totally not adult-like. Biggrin

That is a fantastic idea. If something like that would work. I mean, our bedroom is down the hall and I can smell a mixture of food and something dead in the hall. I know that the fiance smells it too...he has to...but he says nothing.

I have been very distant tonight. I have spent the majority of my time reading and doing a bit of drawing. (It's snowing, snowing, snowing outside...or I would have trekked to the library.) I realize how short my fuse is and I notice that every time I set foot out this bedroom door, I just want to stomp my feet like a 3 year old and cry.

The sad thing is that it's just not one minor issue a day. It is continuous and as time goes on it gets worse. When she is here, it's consistent and when she's at BM's...oh, jeesh...BM and SD17 light up the fiance's cell phone like it's the 4th of July. And those issues are atomic. It's (no joke) as simple as BM saying, "No. You can't use the car tomorrow," and SD17 challenging her for the next four hours until either a) they fall asleep from emotional exhaustion or b) the BM gives in.

If I wrote down every minor thing that goes on here per day and then how it twists and turns for hours...I just might see how nuts this all is. lol.

simifan's picture

"I know that the fiance smells it too...he has to...but he says nothing"

Wait till FDH is coming down the hall & spray the most flowery air fresher you can find ... if it happens to catch him in the face.... (this works s=especially well if he has allergies)

ddakan's picture

I've been through 5 teenagers, and the best thing I have done to be able to cope is just take a step back, and find a calm place to retreat. My bedroom is off limits for skids and I can usually find solace in there. I take it as a "me" time out. You have to treat yourself extra good right now, because the skids are treating you extra bad...it helps it balance.

I know it is frustrating and they insanely TAKE TAKE TAKE from you until you feel like a dried up crack in the earth. They EVENTUALLY grow and go, but it is very hard until they do!

ambrosiastorm's picture

Thanks again for all the comments and thoughts everyone. Smile It's cliche, but it's nice to see I'm not on an island.

@ls: I'm not sure anymore. Upon graduation in May, is when the decision will be made on where she lives full time. I have already told fiance that if there is no significant emotional improvements with her, I will not live under the same roof. We have put off buying a home, as I refuse to tolerate the same treatment in a new place as I do here and I will not have her trashing a house. I see how she treats the townhouse we rent.

It appears she won't be going away to college. She's going to have to commute somewhere locally, if she even gets a place in the freshman class for next year. (She has only been looked at by one college and the other only accepted her into a remedial college training situation for her freshman year.)

I am crossing my fingers that BM will inform her that to get her financial support she will have to live with her for the first year. (BM is a major control freak. Though their relationship is awful, BM has the ability to see failure and jerk away $$$. Dad does not have that capability.) I know, realistically, that she is going to fight to live with us -- as she has this idea that she can push her own agenda.