Advice on comparing yourself
I am really quite new to asking for advise. I guess I spent a long time trying to just deal with everything on my own but it's not really something I can do.
My partner has three children from a previous relationship, which lasted ten years. The ages of the children range from 4 to 11, so there is quite a gap! I was introduced to the children around 3 years ago and moved in around 2 years ago - and we all get along quite well.
However, the birth mother and I do not get along, she does not get along with the father, and she does not like me. It's been years of us dating, and years of the BM having various relationships, but she still continues to cause issues between the children and myself or just pester my partner for no reason.
The other night, we had a long conversation where the children started talking about how I do not have the same last name as all of them (including pets they got after the seperation) and that meant that I am, in fact, not family according to their mother. These sorts of comments happen all the time, along with compairisons between stuff I do and stuff she does. If I get plates, they are the SAME plates as Mommy has! I have a cat, which I had before her cat, but my cat is *just like mommy's cat!*. My favorite food is the SAME as moms! It's just a constant stream of that.
We've had issues in the past where, when she was trying to fix the relationship between my partner and herself, the BM was literally doing whatever I did - going to the same venues, doing the same hobbies, and constantly stating she was doing the same so why was my partner dating me when he could have her?
It's so hard to not compare everything I do to everything she does, especially when the children are quick to compare and when, three years on, my partner's parents still talk about her constantly and she stilkl continues to be such a big part of our lives (of course she always will be, she is the kids's mother after all).
How do people deal with that?