The skids finally know BMs true colors
So was with the whole family running errands yesterday. Decided we wanted PaPa Murphy's Take and Bake Pizza for dinner. (If you've never tried it, your crazy and you must!!) I wanted to run in, order and come back out no questions or can we's or I wants so I tried to jump outta the car and leap inside. My SS 13 jumped out right behind me and followed me in; SD was playing a game on FDHs new phone so thankfully she didnt come in.
There were 3 other people I noticed standing in there. Didnt look look at the other people just glanced as I passed through. SS and I proceed to stand there, discuss what kind of pizzas to get and other small chatter. Stood and waited for about 5 min.
SS all of a sudden says; (skids havent had contact with BM in over a year) "My Mom's in here." I looked over to the two women that walked up to get their pizza and low and behold there stood BM still, lifeless, back towards us. This lobby we were standing in was only about 20 x 10 or so; small. She acted as if she didnt even know who he was. No hi, no smile, no how are you, no hug, nothing, just nothing............
I was in complete shock and just froze. I can't believe I walked past her and stood 10 ft. from her and didnt know it. My response to SS after I was coheirent, "Wow, it's a small world!" I'm pretty sure God put on my horse blinders for that one cause I'm not sure how I would have reacted had I known she was there. LOL!! She had to of heard every word we said. SS said he got shivers when he looked at her and she was staring at him walking through the door. I think he was in shock too!!
SD, whos taking the abandonment the hardest saw BM while she was inside through the glass front. FDH said she was excited to see her but scared to get out of the car. BM blamed the abandonment on the kids at their one and only therapy session the last time they saw her. After BM walked out of the store and didnt even look at her you could see the total heart break and disapointment in her lil face. She called me Mom last night too.
My heart is still wrenching for them, as if my heart is breaking with theirs.. I wanna cry again. This woman needs help!! What mother could raise their kids for 12 yrs. walk away and then be within touching distance of them and not say a word??!! Makes me sick.......seems like a movie; unbelieveable...... :jawdrop:
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Like I said; it was like a
Like I said; it was like a movie; un freaking believable!!! Yes this really did happen. Her world is hell, has to be. Last night was a revelation for the relationship between the skids and I. I gave them both a hug and told them I love them very much and apologized for their heart break before we even left the pizza place. We talked about BM for about an hour after that too. I'm fully stepping into these kids lives and not holding back anymore thinking BM is going to come through. It's apparent she isn't. If I was her I would probably want to move!!
You can make a huge
You can make a huge difference in those kids' lives, and you are a wonderful person to take that on like you have, but they are probably going to need therapy to deal with this - someone outside of the situation needs to listen to them and let them get out every terrible feeling they have experienced because of their biological mother's treatment of them.
If they are not already in counseling, please consider talking to your husband about it.
Yeah I hear ya. We have been
Yeah I hear ya. We have been discussing family counseling and pre-marital counseling for a while now. I just have to pick up the phone and make the appt. The kids were in therapy and very much so need to go back. It's apparent things aren't settled in them and especially now. I don't think these kids have ever had 100% stability until the last 4 years or so...We've been in our house about 3 and a half years but even now this crap is going on so yeah I have my hands over full!! Im just going to have to cushion these kids I guess, didn't really want to do that but it's probably what they need. I'm gonna totally lay off them chore wise and their absent mindedness. I will give them light chores I suppose but I've been keeping my small pet peeves under raps and swallowing my steam. Do you think this is the right thing to do or should I not change a thing?? I don't feel 100% about letting them get away with things I've been on their butt about since sharing a home because of BM!??
I'm just at a point where I
I'm just at a point where I see more of how these kids's lives have unfolded until now and I can't fathom a life like they have had. My childhood although parents divorced when I was 2 was good. My DBF was in and out but never did this type of situation impend doom on my heart or soul. Being another Mother is the hardest thing I have had to do in my life. The heart break never ends, the lack of commitment from the kids towards me makes me want to give up a lot, and FDH cushioning them and trying to make up for BMs mistakes makes parenting them as a team uncompromisable. When Im being to soft FDH is being too hard and when I'm being to hard FDH is being to soft. His ideas of what is more important and my ideas of what are more important are totally different, but only with them. We have a 15 mon. old together and it's a beautiful thing. FDH got away with everything during his childhood by his DM protecting him from his SD and by not disciplining at all. Him and his brother didn't finish school and both were in spats of trouble in their younger years, the brother worse off spending years in jail while FDH got wise and on track (thankfully) My DM on the other hand taught me tuff love and my Grandpa was really on my butt as a kid!! I honestly think I am the more reasonable and have the better parenting values but they are his DC so I step back and let him have his way, all the while he is asking for my help too....Thanks though!! The support really helps and improves my outlook on my life right now! Hugs and hearts to you also dear. Your blog is very entertaining BTW....Beautiful!! I will keep updated posts on my kids!