Adult Step Daughter - All New to Husband acting like wife substitute
My husband and I have been married for 15 years and together for 18. He has a 21 year old from a previous marriage and has only seen her twice since she as 2. The BM is crazy and tried to cause too many legal issues, so it was better for him to just stay away from her. In November, my SD21 was locked out of her mom and SD house. She called my husbands mother, with whom she has had a relationship since she was around 13 or 14. My husbands mom tired to hide this fact, but they live in a really small town.
SD21 flew out here and got to meet her dad again. But also, me and our 2 other children. She decided to move here after talking with my husband multiple times daily from November to May 18th. I never agreed for her to stay with us for the whole summer, but my husband told her she could. IT IS A MESS! My husband and I are not fond of public dispays of affection and we are not a super touchy, feely family. We don't hold hands in public, we don't cuddle on the sofa, etc.
My SD has been with us now for 6 weeks and I feel like she is fasing me and my kids out. My husband has not spent any realy meaningful time with our kids alone. SD has been right next to husband or within 3 inches since she got here. She snuggles him on the sofa, lays her head in his lap, holds his hand at the mall. IT IS WIERD. I have told my husband that she needs to move on to a new apartment and get going with college classes. SD feels the need to interject opinions into our daily decisions and tries to boss our other children ages 9 and 11. It makes me irate. She cusses like a sailor and she and my husband have started to feed off of eachoher wtih this poor behavior.
I just paid for her to join our family on a week long water park vacation. She never left my husbands side and then was mad and threw a fit when my 9 year old son didn't want to ride in the third row seat for and 8 hour drive. She cussed the F word at him and then started throwing things while demanding she would ride in the back. I was irate that she cussed at my kids and was tossing stuff around in my vehicle. I would have expected the behavior from my 9 year old, not a grown 21 year old.
I would love nothing more than to have her go back to her mothers and stay there. My husband now stays up with her until all hours and never comes to our bed until the wee hours of the morning. It is 12:36am and I am writing this and he is watching TV. My poor daughter age 11 is sleeping in the bed next to me becuase her dad is not here. I hate the stress I feel around the SD.
I have no idea what to do. Husband does not see the change in his behavior and I am afraid we are on the road to divorce and she has only been in our city for a little over 1 month. Tonight, we were fighting over the fact he ignored my text for an hour trying to find out where he and SD were at. When he finally responded, I was pissed and said "whatever". Now he is telling me "whatever" and is giving me the cold shoulder.
I have to work out of town for the next three days. Thinking of taking kids to my parents house and leaving them with my mom for those three days. Then I think, that is just a reward for the intrusive SD.
I don't know how to stress to him that we are not going to be able to go on this way. I have no idea what to do now.