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Why is it that DH has to ask to get the kids?

4ofus's picture

Another post made me think of this, and its bothered me for some time now. When DH is supposed to get the kids, he always has to text and ask when he can get them... of late he has just been texting "I will be there at such and such time to get them" But when it comes downt to it, he has to wait for her to okay it.

Now, you have to understand that until they went to court and finalized everything-DH had the kids all the time...BM got them, but it wasn't near how often now. She also gets CS now, and that makes a big difference in how often she keeps them.

She thinks she is doing him favors letting him get the kids more...its just sad. There is no reason that it should be like that for a father that is so involved in his kids life!!!! GGRRR just makes me so mad..

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kaffonseca's picture

And your right!!! I tell FH this ALL the time..I tell him he is a puppet. He doesn't like that..and I think that is what finally made him really stand up to her..but yea..why does my FH have to basically "Ask her permission" to get his son and than have to wait until it's convenient for her...he is just as much as that child's father and if she needs to go somewhere, she has no problem calling FH and TELLING him to come get SS.

FH knows he needs to go to court and get set schedule..I don't know why he doesn't. BM doesn't give us problems about the days..they have a verbal agreement on the days..but it's just the time is always being discussed and it's always on her time.

"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"

4ofus's picture

We hold her to the CO. But she lets him get them more often than is ordered. lol and in just that sentence-she lets him-burns me. I know that one parent has to be the custodial, I guess it just burns me so much because it shouldn't have been her (I knew her before DH and I, I promise, she shouldn't be custodial!)

I know its a petty thing-really it is... and a lot of it just has to do with the court systems and how society views divorced fathers. They are marginalized consistently. Its just frustrating.

shellbell's picture

we are dealing with this type of crap the parenting agreement is supposed to have specific times and days but i'm telling you if it doesnt bm can do whatever she wants. like in our case pick the kids up at 3 a.m. although thank goodness its summer and visitation was spelled out but if they don't solve this before school starts than stress city here we come!! don't you love when bm all of a sudden wants something to do with the kids when not that long ago she didn't although ours won't let the kids stay the night with us but she let them stay with bf's mom wtf i'm telling you they just like feeling like they rule everything.

mrsparks's picture

She always tell DH, "I RUN THIS" That's only because nothing has been court ordered yet, but I am really sick of him asking her what works for HER.. WHO CARES! She doesn't work and sits on her fat a** all day and then dictates where and when..
I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL WE GO TO COURT!

kaffonseca's picture

is too damn lazy to go to court..I guess..I don't know. I mean I AM happy that he doesn't put up with her shytt..my FH didn't have his youngest son Father's day because he didn't agree to sit out front of BM's house and wait for her and she refuses to drop SS off at "my" (our) house.

But at the same time I wish he would go and get a court order so all this nonsense EVERY week would just stop.

"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"

4ofus's picture

I used to give DH a really hard time about not standing up to BM on some things. Then I saw him get screwed royally in court. I then realized that he is just afraid that he will lose more if he pushes the issue with her.

I don't know your FH.. but is it possible that he is afraid that things will be worse? That he will end up screwed and then what?

Now, mind you, I agree that it needs to go to court and have things spelled out clearly..and they can make COs that are VERY detailed to keep the parents from having to argue over things...(lol, ok well as if some need excuses)

kaffonseca's picture

I think it has to do with child support. FH has told BM that he is goign to take her to court before, he even told her he was going to go for custody (which he won't get..she iesn't a "bad" mom..)..but she told him that she will go for more child support..the courts won't look at the fact that she lives with her mom in Section 8 housing (they pay $30 a month for rent)..she has no bills..they will just take his income and give her her percentage. Right now he gives her $75.00 a week without being court ordered (he pays in money orders) but yes..he is afraid that if they go to court..his child support will double.

He would get the same amount of days that he has now too..every WEd. night to Thurs. night and Sat. night - Sunday night..just without her having say the times..and her constant interference.
"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"

4ofus's picture

at some point it needs to be put in writing ya know? I mean, how do you plan a day to day life without knowing things like that? I understand whole-heartedly on the CS. But what is the price that he is willing to pay to NOT have to deal with her interference? It (hopefully)will minimize conflict if she has to follow a court order. But then, I am probably preaching to the choir eh?

LotusFlower's picture

I just KNOW u and I have the same BM.....its creepy....like I was no good,,"she is never allowed to be near my kids",till BM wanted to go out and get trashed and had no babysitter....then it was ok for me to go pick them up cuz DH was away...sound familiar????

"You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar"

4ofus's picture

our CO is horrible...

EOW 7p on Friday till 7a on Monday Tues 7p to 7a Wed. Thur. 7p till 7a Friday.

I mean really?? When the kids are in school.. getting them at 7p means baths and bed. And then when its not DHs weekend, he goes from Friday morning until the next Tuesday at 7 to see them.

Well, she stuck to that schedule while court was going on, then about 6 mo later(maybe less?) she started adjusting things..

now- we get EOW, EO Monday and EO Thursday and every Tuesday. DH would get the kids off the bus, and take them to school. Now that its summer, and DH is laid off, he would like to spend more time with them. Of course, this is only for her conveniance. Its ok as long as its not interferring with her.

I think we need a mod to the CO, actually I know we need to...DH finally said so last night!

kaffonseca's picture

When BM and her mom were moving a few months ago she called FH and his mom to watch SS..both were busy..so she asked FH 'well can Kaff watch him". I was working at the time so I couldn't...but I think he also had said no because this was the same time that she had told him that she couldn't watch SS5 anymore afterschool with no notice.

"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"

mrsparks's picture

every time we get him it seems like a longer and longer time-frame, they need to modify DH's child support for time spent.. she doesn't have a phone so of course we have to wait until she "decides" to call..to TELL us when a GOOD time for HER is..
What kind of "sh*t" is that.. ? she knows we have to work during the week.. what is wrong with this broad??