beneficiaies

Ok, I don't want to start a fight before I have more info. Hoping you all have some insight. My DH and I have had discussions about beneficiaries, and how he has Skids as his. Of course, this PISSES me off. I am his wife and should be the beneficiary to all of his benefits. My thoughts on it are this:

If the kids get it before 18-will BM get her hands on it? Or will it be in a trust for them?

I am paying a good portion of the bills, have paid probably 75% of them since the second year we were together(my income was much higher and he had that lovely CS check to pay)-shouldn't I have piece of mind that I will be taken care of?? Not that I will quit working, but I wont be screwed on our house, etc.

I honestly understand that he wants to be sure his kids are taken care of if somethng happens to him- because BM won't step up I am quite sure.

What are you thoughts?? I do not feel like the wife that says "screw the skids" because I do want them taken care of. I was filling out my beneficiaries last night and this was on my mind again. THe last time we discussed it he was like a brick wall, like it wasn't even up for discussion.. which majorly makes my blood boil.

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50/50

My husband is splitting things 50/50, and I am completely okay with that. I get 50% and each of his kids get 25%. If something should happen to me, my 50% will be divided among my two Bkids. If something should happen to him before his kids turn 18, they will be put in a trust for them with me as the guardian of the trust. He is taking no chances of the BM getting her hands on their money. I love them enough that I won't try any funny business either.

Ours is similiar...

I get 50% and Skids get 25% a piece...Don't know how this will change once we have our own kids... I settled that before we were even married...I do need to see if the money will go in a trust though...

that sounds reasonable

I like that arrangement. I will have to discuss that with him. I wasn't sure if he could appoint the trustee on their accounts either. I have no biokids yet of my own, so I am leaving all to him. THank you!

I have the same arrangement

as onehappygirl..except, as I have no biokids, if something should happen to me, my 50% would go the skids....I would always take scare of my skids....but BM?...please........LOL.....

"Sooner or later, everyone's bill comes due"

We are custodial parents to his and mine

(with 50/50 visitation with SD) and have none together, so ours is set up like this (until they are through college) ...

I have set up a trust and all of my assets are to be transferred to the trust upon my death. The trust will pay my funeral expense and pay off the house (which reverts to him when I die). The remainder is paid in a monthly allotment to EH (or whoever has my kids). Additionally, whoever has my kids will get social security for them. They will get the balance when they are 30. SD gets nothing, but with no house payment, DH can support her just fine. He can also sell our huge home and downsize to one better suited for the two of them and keep the proceeds.

If DH dies, he has two policies. One ($25K) to SD that her mother will gamble away immediately and one that decreases with time to match our mortgage. So, either way if one of us dies, the house is paid off and the other gets full equity. The kids/skid get some life insurance plus social security so they'll be taken care of.

When they finish college? We're not sure yet. We'll probably split it 50/50. I want my spouse taken care of, but I brought most of the assets and income into this marriage and it would not be fair if DH gets everything from me and then SD gets everything from him and my kids get nothing. It'll be a small miracle if our marriage lasts that long, so I'm not too worried about it at this point!

My kids

get 100% of everything I own. I have a small policy for him.

I think he has a small policy, his kids get 1/2 & I get the other half.

I'm sorry, but I disagree

My husband is 22 years my senior. He has four children and I have one and we're not able to have any together. I don't believe that parents should have children as their beneficiaries. My husband and I have discussed it, and we decided that if the unthinkable actually happened, then I would be expected to financially support his children in any way that I see appropriate. I love his children as if they were my own and I would never allow them to do without. My father was 19 years older than my mother. When he passed, he had an old life insurance policy that paid 25% to each of his three children and then 25% to my mother. I gave my part to my mother. He always planned on getting more insurance, and just never did. I am a working adult that provides for my own family, I should not have gotten money from my father's death. His responsibility then was to take care of my mother and I'm positive that he would want to make sure she was taken care of after his death. This is a hard situation, but I truely believe that if you chose to spend the rest of your life with this certain person, you should trust them enough to take care of your affairs the way you would have once you are gone.

thanks all for responses!

I am glad that everyone has a wide vairety of plans. I think that I need to start doing some research on what exactly we have that needs to be assigned. We recently had a death at my job...and the man's girlfriend of 28 yrs was left with nothing...I can't imagine doing that to my family!!

I really liked the idea of the insurance covering the mortgage, covering funeral expense, etc. I didn't realize there were so many options as to how your assets will be dispursed.

If anyone has any other situations, please chime in!

This

is definitely something an estate lawyer can help you out with. Since second marriages with kids are so much more complicated than first marriages, a lawyer can help you sort through all sorts of aspects you might not have thought of.

In our case, I have no kids but my H has two. I've also spent a lot of money helping him get out of debt, and he has a home we can't sell because of the economy (have to rent it until we can sell once the market rebounds). Because of his debt and his kids (and my lack of both), we've arranged it that I'm the primary beneficiary on all his money (I love his kids so he knows he can trust me), just like a first wife would be. Because we're not comfortable with the idea that the BM would get control of any money if we both died, we arranged it so that if he and I die, the lawyer's firm would handle distributing the money to the kids according to our wills (so that the BM never gets her hands on any of it). The lawyer was really helpful discussing options with us.

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

yes, you are right..

I actually had a business law class years ago, and the professor was an estate lawyer. She discussed wills and such to some extent, but not a lot since that was not the subject of the class. I think I may see if I can contact her and see what we need to do.

Any ideas how costly this may be? DH is furloughed and we are on my income only for a little while. I am very nervous about leaving unsettled though..

I'm not sure

We had both our wills drawn up, and together it was about $500-600, I think. But that was for the whole deal -- including conversations, advice, draft and final version of the will. For advice, I think it would be a lot less.

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

Ours is like this...

I am the 100% beneficiary on DH's life insurance policy through his work and also on his 401k and bank accounts...also on our two houses. He has a whole separate life insurance policy (the courts required this to make sure SD's were taken care of child support-wise) in which the SD's are the beneficiaries, 50% each until they are 18. After that, he is not required to have a policy on himself for them.

However, there is a clause in the extra policy that states if DH and the SD's are no longer living, BM gets ZERO. The way it was set up before, BM was the primary beneficiary if anything happened to DH...whether the kids are alive, or not she would have gotten paid. But I had that changed along with many other things. Maybe that's why BM is so crazy and hates me so much. I screwed up her little "control party" she was having with my husband.

I'm sure at some point he will write up a living will and include the SD's in it, but he hasn't done that as of yet. We don't plan on having any kids of our own, so that is not an issue.

Some states require the spouse to be the beneficiary

That's the law and the spouse has to sign off it the other person designates someone else.
That said, we are doing the 50-50 thing, all to me, with instructions for me to handle it.
DH needs to do his will! Right now he's just trusting me.

DH have never talked about this...

I asked him once if he had life insurance, and he said no, another day he said "just the basic from his job" (teacher)... what does that suppose to mean???

he said he has SD5 for his social security or whatever (he was never married o BM)...

Would the money go to BM if something happens to him?

I don't work... i don't have life insurance or anything... should I ask him to change that??? (not just SD5??) that sounds kinda materialistic, but now this post got me thinking about it...

hmmmm... :O

~You can see clearly only with your heart. What is truly important is invisible to the eyes~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's

You AND SD5 would get a

You AND SD5 would get a check from his social security. However, you should also be the beneficiary, or at least half, on any life insurance policy.

"You never realize how short a month is until you pay child support"

Wow, Gia

You DEFINITELY need to talk to him about this. If you aren't working, you need to know you are provided for. It's not materialistic. I'm a little worried about you. Protect yourself. Your DH needs to be talking to you about this stuff.

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

I don't have experience in these subjects...

How do I ask him... just randomly, like "hey I think I should be in your social security" if something happens to you, because I don't work and I want to get something?

Seriously, how should I put it? :O

~You can see clearly only with your heart. What is truly important is invisible to the eyes~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's

No I don't work...

And yes we are married (we have been for 1 year)... by what i understand he said he has "the basic" from his job, and has never changed it, so SD5 is the only one there...

(i also have a 1 year old son that he will be adopting) so... i don't know...

the thing is, how do i tell him?

~You can see clearly only with your heart. What is truly important is invisible to the eyes~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's

We don't know about that

anymore, because he got laid off... so....

~You can see clearly only with your heart. What is truly important is invisible to the eyes~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's

But then again...

Should I be like, "hey we need to discuss what would happen if you die"... "I don't wanna be left with nothing" shouldn't that be something to come out of HIS mouth???? :?

~You can see clearly only with your heart. What is truly important is invisible to the eyes~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's

Hm.

Okay, you don't work. Because you're taking care of the kids?

SInce he got laid off, this conversation might be a little harder. But you can still talk about the assets you already have.

At any rate, you guys are married. So that means you're partners, and that you plan for the future together. Part of that means planning for what would happen if one of you died. Part of that is also that you as his wife deserve to know exactly what his assets are. If he's not willing to tell you that, it's a HUGE red flag.

I think you can sit him down and say, "We are married and parents. We need to have a plan for what happens if something happens to one of us." You can at least start by talking about the fact that since you have kids, the surviving parent would need to have money to raise your kid/s. Since you don't work, if he died you would have nothing. He needs to have you as beneficiary so that you and your kid are provided for.

As far as the stepkid is concerned, there is a BM involved, yes? She is partly responsible for providing for that kid. If your H dies, he may have to have a policy where Skid or BM is the beneficiary, to help raise Skid to adulthood. But, that doesn't mean BM/skid are entitled to EVERYTHING. Just something. But you, as his wife and mother of one child, are entitled to more. And by the way, when you can swing it (when you get a job), it would be good for you to insure yourself so that he gets help in the event of YOUR death. It works both ways.

I'd say the very first thing you need to do is empower yourself, Gia: you deserve to know these things, and be included in his planning for the future. You're his wife.

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

My son is not his biological/legal son...

One day he will be adopting him, but for now he is legally a stepparent of him...

And you are right, I don't work, I take care of both kids and go to school some nights a week...

Again, since BM and him were never married he claims that is only "SD"...

He doesn't own anything, we live in an apartment, and we have a joint bank account, he doesn't pay for life insurance, and he doesn't have a will or anything like that...

~You can see clearly only with your heart. What is truly important is invisible to the eyes~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's

My parents are married and

My parents are married and their beneficiaries are NOT the kids, but the spouse...divorced parents should be exactly the same! If the parents are married, the view is that the one who suffers that loss the most is the spouse, and also the one who has contributed to the household...thus, it should be no different for divorced parents. If he dies, his kids WILL get Social Security if they are under 18...if they are not, well, then they can support themselves, just as every other adult has to...

If he was still married to their mom, he would leave everything to his spouse if his kids were over 18...there should be no difference here with you...If they were under 18, he would still leave it to his spouse, knowing his kids would receive social security death benefits.

There is no way I would allow my husband to do this...if he did, well, he can take a hike...

My parents are married and

There is no way I would allow my husband to do this...if he did, well, he can take a hike...

I have a $100,000 spouse's

I have a $100,000 spouse's policy through the military that my DH would get, I also have a $250,000 policy that is divided up between my husband $35%, my son 25%, our son 25%, and my exhusband 15%. My DH has a $400,000 policy that I am beneficiary on, but his divorce papers say he will hold a $200,000 policy for SS as beneficiary, so I guess if BM remembers that she could try to get it...

"You never realize how short a month is until you pay child support"

this whole topic really irritates me because of our bm

FH initially had everything left to BM when we were dating (grrrr!)...but I made him switch it. He had the absolute gall to say to me that she had left everything to him (uh huh yeah right...the woman who cheated on him and swindled him outta one house he paid for...right....) Anyways, he supposedly changed it to leave everything to his kids through his sister. When we get married he'd better change that the day we do...Actually we're going to be refinancing the house so that's when I'm going to make him change it. I've even said that we can put something in there that he gets to keep equity in the house and I'll only get what I put in...I'm trying to be fair here.
What has really left me irritated is that his father redid his will this month after MIL passed away. He's leaving his estate to FH and then fh's kids. The kicker is that fh doesn't know who will be trustee, and he's assuming it will be BM. Ok, that's gonna really piss me off!!!! If anyone had a clue, the trustee would be a court appointed 3rd party who would simply manage the funds until the kids were of legal age. The bm should have absolutely nothing to do with it...but who knows how it's going to be handled...
The only saving grace is that the kids are 4 years from being legal and at that point bm would have absolutely nothing to do with it what so ever. FIL can then leave his $$ to them directly.
What's irritating me is that FH hasn't firmed up his own will, etc to include me. Not only will I have no place to live if we don't settle up this house deal, but I will not be entitled to anything--ok, he doesn't really have any assets beyond the house, but it's the point.
This is even more nonsense to make me say stepparenting is not a good lifestyle There is not future and no security it seems.

In our wills

If something happens to one of us, the surviving spouse gets everything, with the exception of certain items we have stipulated. If If I survive DH, I will be the trustee for SD's CS that will be paid out of his life insurance. If somehthng happens to both of us, my SIL will then be thr trustee for all 3 kids. If they need money for school, etc, it will come out of their portion of our estate, with the remaining portion payable to each of them on their respective 25th birthdays.

You may want to check with your state/American laws in regards to wills. In Canada, a marriage 'voids' any current will you may have. DH and I had our wills drawn up when we were living together, and had to re-do them when we got married. This doesn't apply to life insurance policies though, once you stipulate a trustee/beneficiary, it's there to stay until the policy holder changes it.

update...

I talked to DH about his policies.. we have a lot to go over and figure out other ways of handling in the case we are both gone. But surprisingly, I am the beneficiary on his policies, with his brother has next in line(great choice). Although that is good, its obvious that we haven't covered all the bases for the possible scenarios. Thanks all for the input, def some ideas to go over!

Late replying but figured I would add my thoughts......

I didn't read all of the replies but my take on this is, if he trusted you enough to marry you, he should trust you enough to make sure his children get their percentage. I am DH's bene 100% and if I go at the same time as he does, all of our children (his and our together) split everything evenly. But if he goes first; I get it all and I in turn make sure that all of the children get a fair share...which I will do. I personally think that the wife should be the bene 100% just to prevent BM from having any part of it. JMO though.

If BM gets kids if something

If BM gets kids if something happens to H then yes, unless he puts it in a trust for them when they turn 18 or 21, then BM will be in control of it.

My FH has me as sole beneficiary, he trusts me and knows me well enough to know that I would take care of them and make sure they go to college.

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