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Okay, this is just creepy (O/T)

3LittleDragonflies's picture

I was out running errands earlier. DH called me on his lunch break, so I was talking to him for a minute. "Friend" beeped in. I was busy talking to DH and really not in the mood to talk to her, so I ignored it. "Friend" called again. Again, still busy, still not in the mood. DH's lunch break is almost over so I let him know I'm on my way home and I'll text him when I get home safe. A few minutes later he calls back.

Me:"Aren't you supposed to be working?"
DH:"Yeah, thought I should warn you that there are flowers on the table."
Me:"Awe how swee..."
DH:"They aren't from me."
Me:"Say what now?"
DH:""Friend" just called me to let me know you weren't home. She brought you flowers apparently. I told her where the vases were."
Me:"UM... that's a bit creepy."
DH:"Just a little."

I get home and my mom came over to help me unload the stroller. She walks in and sees the flowers on the table in a vase. There's a note underneath:

These flowers are to thank you for blessing me with two beautiful godchildren.
P.S. Sorry I broke into your house.

My mother just about hit the roof.... Her key points were "WHY do you let this girl just walk into your house?" and "WHY did she give you flowers? Diapers, wipes, do a sink load of dishes.... those would be helpful. Flowers are just another thing for you to have to take care of. I could understand DH getting you flowers... WHY did she?!!" and "WAIT... TWO?! "BFF" is NBD's godmother... You've told "Friend" "BFF" is NBD's godmother. Why does she think she is the godmother?!"

In all honesty, I'm asking the same things...


PeanutandSons's picture

Was your house not locked?
Honestly this is the perfect time to bring everything up to her. Call her to thank her for the flowers and then bring up everything g else. Ask her to please call before she comes over and do not come in your house uninvited ever again .

DaizyDuke's picture

So your house was unlocked? I guess I could see if she couldn't get a hold of anyone, she wouldn't want the flowers to get yucky so was being thoughtful and putting them in a vase for you.

Does she mean 2 godchildren, because she is a godmother to someone else's baby and she just had poor wording on her card?

and I would not have one iota of a problem with a close friend (who is obviously close enough to be godmother to your baby) walking in my house if I was not there. Maybe I'm strange, but I don't see anything wrong with that.. A casual aquaintence, a sticky fingered, annoying SD, nosy MIL, YES I would have a problem, but a good friend.. no

PeanutandSons's picture

Yeah, ditto that statement about not going into other peoples houses uninvited. I don't have a single friend that I don't knock on their door and wait for a reply. I also don't have a single friend who just walks into my own home unannounced.

Even at my nanny's house.....she insisted that I didn't need to knock and just come in...but I still knocked before opening the door and then called out to her. I never walked I to her home until I heard her reply.

3LittleDragonflies's picture

I had to look that one up... Scary. I don't think she's got BPD though... that'd be more BM's territory.

3LittleDragonflies's picture

We live in an area with zero crime and I've lived here (or next door) for about 9 years total. The neighbors know me and watch the house (They also know what BM looks like from when she came to visit. They were all watching out the windows lol) so I have never really had to worry about locking my doors. Guess it's time to start. :?

I sent her a text(she is at work right now and can't receive phone calls) and said "Thank you for the flowers, it was very thoughtful. Please call ahead before visiting from now on to make sure it's a good time. Please don't just walk in, even if the door is unlocked. I know it used to be allowed when BD2 was a newborn, but that was because I was on bed rest. This time I'm fine, and I need my privacy and to have a routine for my girls."

I'm not going into the godmother thing on top of everything. She'll probably be pissed enough with just this.

hismineandours's picture

Very creepy, IMO. I would also never ever walk into anyone's house like that uninvited. But I have really great boundaries. Even IF she wanted to leave you flowers-with just the thought of that is creepy-she could have still left them on the doorstep.

We also live in a pretty much zero crime area, gated community. I leave my doors unlocked daily, I leave my car in the drive at night, unlocked. It's just been in the past 5 years or so that I've actually started bringing my purse inside at night. And please don't tell my employer but I leave my work laptop in my unlocked car all the time. But, IMO-that still doesn't give anyone the right to enter my home or space without my permission.

furkidsforme's picture

I think you all are off base. If this friend is god parent to one child, then that is a pretty close friend. She did call the DH... and likely asked if it was OK to put the flowers inside. DH even told her were to get a vase.

Honestly, if I took a friend a token gift like flowers, talked to hubby who told me I could go in and he told me where to get a vase.... and then my friend freaked out on me and said I "broke in" I would think YOU were the crazy one.

Maybe you just need to be clear that people whom you make the godparents of your kids aren't actually close friends, and that you don't like her as much as she likes you. Because, really? She is godparent to one of your kids and will raise it if you die in a fiery crash, but she can't enter your home? Really?

Shaman29's picture

No one should walk into home that is not theirs, unannounced or uninvited.

If her DH was okay with this, then he would have told her and she wouldn't have posted it.

Did you even read her post???

furkidsforme's picture

YOU read it! It says she is not the godparent of the newborn. It implies she is godparent of the other child and maybe has assumed that since she is godparent to oldest she might be to this new one as well. It does not say she is not a godparent to either child.

If I am wrong then poster, please correct me.

3LittleDragonflies's picture

I've told her that my BFF of 14 years, who has acted more like a godparent to BD2 than "friend" has, is the godparent of NBD. BD2 has not been dedicated, and therefore does not officially have godparents. We told "Friend" she could be godmother when I was pregnant with BD2 and close to her. Once she met her boyfriend, I went months without hearing from her, then saw her and it was like a completely different person. She won't attend church with us because she "isn't religious anymore", never wants to talk about anything but her wedding (she isn't even actually engaged yet, he got her a "promise" ring last xmas), and it took a month for her to even ask how BD2 was doing. She honestly acts as if being "godmother" is nothing more than a glorified term for "Future shopping buddy"... All she talks about is taking BD2 out shopping for "cute" clothes when she is older.... Cute being corsets, low cut tops, and other clothing that she knows I won't let BD2 wear no matter what her age.

The duties of a godparent are to be a spiritual role model for the child, to help guide the child through life and, should DH and I be unable to, fund the child's religious instruction. I don't see anything in there that says "takes over parenting if I die in a fiery crash".

On top of that, what if I had been in the shower, having a fight with DH, or, better yet, being intimate with him? I don't want anyone waltzing in on those PRIVATE things, and generally wouldn't be locking the door thinking someone would walk in if I ignored/ didn't hear the knock. She is perfectly allowed to enter my home... with my permission.

PeanutandSons's picture

Godparents have zero legal right/responsibilties....its a ceremonial title. Godparents do not get custody of peoples kids if they die....unless written into a will.

The OP stated that two and a half years ago they were close but they haven't been in contact until a few months ago. So yeah, I'd be freaked out by someone whom I haven't spoken to in two years feeling like she can walk into my home whenever she wants. Doesn't sound like dh gave her permission to go in, but that she was already in when she got ahold of him.

3LittleDragonflies's picture

She was. She called to tell him I wasn't home and ask where a vase was. She was apparently in my kitchen when she called...

3LittleDragonflies's picture

That's what I'm saying! I needed diapers and wipes this morning and walked 2 miles to go get them (Good exercise but still!). If she had called ahead and said "Hey, do you need anything? I have a few dollars to spare." I'd have let her know and wouldn't have a pointless bouquet of flowers on my table. Heck, she could have come and done a few dishes and I'd have been impressed... and it wouldn't have cost her a dime.