Becoming the Bigger Person
Ok. I've taken some steps at moving past BM's drama. Blocked on FB. She was never my friend, but somehow was aware of things posted on mine. My SIL and I hung out last night and had some quality girl time. She's 36, been around the block, married prior to my brother. She is a stand-up woman who I respect greatly and she is not afraid to let someone know when they are stepping on her boundaries. So of course when I fill her in on what's happened lately she tells me that I need to demand changes with my SO.
I've always felt like it would be too controlling to tell my SO what I feel is the appropriate way or amount of communication with his ex that is appropriate. She begs to differ.
I agree with her on the following:
There's no reason for them to be "friends" on FB. When we first started dating, I questioned it and he said it was to share pictures of their son, since he lives in another state with mom most of the time. My SIL thinks that's BS and says she should be blocked and his personal life is none of her business.
I need to tell him to take his balls back from her and not allow her to scream at him on the phone. Hang up.
When she screams at him and disses me, he needs to defend my honor. Not just sit there and wait for her to calm down so they can talk somewhat like civilized adults.
Part of me feels like this is the beginning of a petty argument and I can just go on with my life ignoring these things. I blocked her so I can't see the interaction that she has with him and his family...
What is asking too much?
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I really wouldn't make a big
I really wouldn't make a big deal about the FB thing while the kid is so young and they do live in different states. FB IS a good way to share pictures.
Once the boy is old enough to get an account of his own, your DH should not have BM on his facebook. The kid can communicate and share pictures with his father himself. Unless of course, she is abusing it and is communicating with your DH about other things besides their child and sharing pictures. Then I would tell him to just have her email the pictures to him.
I agree with all of the other things you said. Your DH should not be putting up with her saying anything about you. Once the conversation strays from their child or become hostile, he should simply ... hang...up...
Yeah, to my knowledge they
Yeah, to my knowledge they very rarely communicate through FB, text, or even on the phone. When his son is at home during the school year, SO won't get a phone call for a week at a time... his son is 9... Guess we got a few years before he wants/has a FB.
I'd be PISSED if my Dh was
I'd be PISSED if my Dh was friends with that bitch on FB. I actually went into his account and blocked HER and ALL of his two faced family. Our life is much happier that way.
Trust me it is not
Trust me it is not appropriate in anyway for him to be connected to her this way. Do shutterfly for pics. We do that for the whole family and it works out great. Eliminate that issue and what excuse does he have???
My DH thankfully wouldn't even try to do this. I had an issue last year when I found out one of his friends was BM's half sister. Made him de-friend her when I found out. He was upset, because they were friends long before he ever was with BM. Don't care, didn't want BM to see anything about our lives. The woman even friended me for over a year before I asked about who she was to DH. Last name was different so I didn't think anything more than it was a friend of my husbands and it would be rude to reject her...Trust me, he learned I was not messing around on this.
Sounds like he has "setting
Sounds like he has "setting boundaries" and "being controlling" mixed up.
I wouldnt care if bm and dh
I wouldnt care if bm and dh were facebook friends. I have absolutely no jealousy there and she has not intruded on boundaries in quite a few years. She can be a bitch for sure, but it is just once in awhile. Hell, I'd probably friend her myself as I just care so little one way or another about her-but everyone's situation is unique. If it makes you uncomfortable then I think it is fair to suggest that you do not want him to be "friends" with her. If she is disrespecting you by talking smack, then yes I do think he doesnt need to be "friends" with her. Most of us arent actually "friends" with everyone on our friends list but I think it would be a fair rule of thumb to not friend ANYONE that talks smack about your spouse.
I've put a lot more thought
I've put a lot more thought into it. (Geez, I can't wait for this next semester at school to start already.. I have way too much time to THINK about this crap!!!) He once made a big fuss out of a guy friend of mine who I had never been intimately involved with... I had to cease all communication for his comfort, which I was ok with. I think that if I request BM being blocked it should be just as easy. I just have a gut feeling that his mother will somehow get involved with this... As she's always trying to involve herself in everything.