I've realized that since SO works mostly on the weekends (leaving me on SD duty) that I am completely drained and feeling pretty frustrated by Sunday evening. Sunday evening and MonDAY are the times when I feel most down and generally "blah" about this whole SM thing. However, I do feel like I have it pretty good for my situation. SO is supportive of me, backs me up, and refuses to let BM have my phone number or interact with me (doesn't really matter at the moment since we have no idea where she is now anyway...drugs and skeezy short-term boyfriends).

FDH told me back when I was pregnant: "I know you will love our child more than you love SS or SD. The only thing I want you to promise me is that they'll never know the difference." This has sort of haunted me since having my baby in February.

My Dh is such a push over. He never says no. :sick: The skids have been whispering questions in his ear instead of saying them out loud. Because they know if I don't hear the question he will say yes. And it's usually something he should say no to. Like: Can I have a soda? At 10:00 at night. My answer: no! His answer: Yes! I am the one who has to wash the pissed on sheets! I told my Dh last night that has got to stop! That is just another way for them to manipulate the both of us. He says he does not want them to feel like they can't come to him. I say BULLSHIT!

So, BF and I had a great weekend to ourselves, a great time really. LOTS of loving, we did gardening, went out...had a marathon lol all around just refreshing as it always is.

So Sunday my boys come back as usual-still a good evening, we all watched a movie together, had dinner, etc.

And not only have things not improved, as predicted got much much worse. Short of it marriage is over, bitter divorce and in the end my kids and I are suffering.

Dropped the skids off to BM Sunday (girls 3 and 17 mo) and DH gets a lovely series of text messages from BM while at work today... And I quote:

We had dinner with the one skid I can stand tonight. It went very well and we all talked and got along great. After dinner I pointed out how different this dinner was compared to the past dinner. The last time we did dinner with a skid I was excluded from convo, no eye contact was made, etc...he finally saw my point! At the time all that occurred he thought I was over reacting. He is slowly learning and he said he would stop that from happening again. Time will only tell.

I hate her I really do. I see her and my blood boils. The hell that she has put SO and myself through. Going through custody now its terrible. She is such a shitty mother, always dropping her kids off to her mothers, where skids are allowed to do whatever they want (eat chocolate for breakfast, watch TV all day etc etc etc). How much are SO and I supposed to take. Its really exhausting to deal with all of her bullshit. The stunts she pulls are unreal. Just when you think she has done the worst that she can do she pulls another jaw dropping stunt.

The past year has been a nightmare for me and the conflicts between me and DH keep arising. My SS turned 18 last fall and just graduated from HS a month ago but the problems seemed to have started about a year ago (last summer). A little background: We have our own BD (9) and I have been raising SS since he was 6. I love him and care about him but I am so sick of all his crap. It really started when he started driving.

I'm tapping OUT! Seriously. I'm sure he'll manage to fool another woman into taking care of him and his entitled little brats

I've cooked, cleaned, planned birthday parties, helped with homework and school projects, dropped off, picked up, dropped off forgotten folders and homework, etc... and do you know what I've discovered?

IT IS ALL FOR FUCKING NAUGHT!!!