I'm having a terrible time liking my step daughter
When I met my husband 6 years ago and I knew he had a child from a past relationship. It wasn't easy since the begining because his ex girlfriend is a crazy lunatic woman. After years of battle in court for visitation purpose we ended up getting the custody of the child, now 13 years old, because her mother wanted to move to a different state far from here and no place to live. His daughter has been an issue since the begining not because she is a bad child but because my husband and his family treat her like she is a disable child (with no disability) just because her mother is crazy. She had ruin every important moment of my marriage, starting from my wedding. My husband was more concern about his daughter's feeling than how happy was his bride. We have a 3 year old now and we live in a appartment. Last year we got custody of his daughter and she came to live in the appartment with us, which only have to bedrooms. Now my daughter don't have a place for herself because we have to give the other bedroom to his daughter so she can have her privacy. My husband spend a lot of money on Christmas on his daughter because she wanted a laptop and a coach bag(we have 3 computers at home and a coach bag,,,really!!!) and didn't buy anything to our 3 year old. I have to get mad and pointed out the fact that he was favoring one child and not the other so he can get her a gift. It's not that he doesn't love our child but I guess he wants to make up for not being with his daughter all that time. It's hard for me to live with this child, she looks just like her mother. I can't even look at her face anymore. My husband wants me to take her everywhere I go because she doesn't have a social life with her teenage friends. I feel like a prisoner. Like I'm in a cage with no way out. I don't want this child in my home.
Unfortunatley she's there and
Unfortunatley she's there and it sounds like she's there to stay, so rather than let your negative feelings fester and continue to grow, stop now and start making some changes for yourself.
I can totally understand your frustration, but please try to remember, this girls mother just up and left her. Can you imagine what that would be like at 12 or 13 (probably the worst age for girls as it is) to have this happen? It sounds like she's a good girl, but spoiled, which can quickly turn a good kid bad, so sit down and talk to your DH about what he is doing.. maybe he doesn't even see it? (Men tend to be blind about these kind of things)
As far as your DH wanting you to take her everywhere, put your foot down! If you want some time for yourself or with just you and your daughter then you are entitled to that, after all it would be a good time for DH to spend some one on one time with SD, right?
I know how hard it can be, I am having a very difficult time bonding with my steps and often wish that they didn't exist.. it would make my life alot easier, but since they do, rather than wishing for what I can not have, I have come to the conclusion that I need to work with what I have to and try to make the best out of the situation.. for all of our sanity!
You do not have to bond with
You do not have to bond with this girl. You don't have to be mean to her, but you don't have to take her everywhere. It is not your responsibility. He is unrealistic about your role in her life. We are steps, not bios. We can't feel what we can't feel. Don't be mean or abrasive to the girl it is not her fault.
I like all the above things
I like all the above things you are saying and I think that you have to try and be nice no matter how hard it is.
SD does not like it when you are nice to her, and i can tell it really rattles her.
A friend has told me to step back from the situation and just let dad work it out for himself and leave them to get on with it.
It is bloody annoying and so many things have happened that you just do not wanna feel like a mug and let SD walk all over you.
SD might move back with us for a short time and I feel rather worried as I know life will be hell.
It is nice to know that I'am not alone.
OMG my husband's baby-mamma
OMG my husband's baby-mamma is a crazy ex girlfriend. I feel you on that sister. My husband often puts his son's needs before mine. It hurts, but what I say is this- the fact that he is a devoted father is why I fell in love with him. Sure he has my back and he loves me dearly, but his son's needs are paramount. And I think it's ok.
So I say vent away, that's what this community is for. But if you are looking for a way to find some inner peace around it, try to find the good intention on his part. He is trying to fix what is no doubt a crappy childhood for his daughter. He's trying to do right, and maybe even if his methods are not to our liking (because I don't know about you but no one bought me a Coach purse for Xmas nor is that a substitute for a sane mother) his heart is in the right place. And there is never too much of that I think. And if you can look at her and not see the crappy EX and try to see someone who is probably lost and hurt, I don't know maybe, just maybe you can find a way to make her being there ok?
Good luck!