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bm calls stepfather the kids father

beckys5555's picture

I am a stepmother of 2 girls 7&10... I have been in their lives 5 years and their mother has been with her husband 6 years. Every thing is civil with us 4 in communicating and no arguments like there use to be a few years ago but I have one thing I keep to myself that idk just gets under my skin and wondering if anyone can relate...their mother works alot as do my husband and i- my husband has child support and of course we work extra to supplement the extra amount going out (not complaining like I use to, just explaining).. it's been like this since I've been in the picture, all us working alot. The children are pretty much raised by the stepfather. He's great with them obviously because they speak highly of him. My husband gets a total of 10 nights a month. My complaint is that she calls her husband their dad..we have mutual friends and always calls them their father. The kids call him by his first name and my husband dad. I know they know who their dad is , and I know their stepdad ( doesn't work due to disability) has been the caretaker for years but why does it get under my skin so bad? My husband could yes be more involved but he always gets them on his days, split holidays, vacations, 4 weeks in the summer, had them today on fathers day...I would totally understand if he wasn't around. It doesn't bother my husband but it does me, but of course I would never rock the boat as it's pointless. Mostly venting and seeing if anyone can relate.

Monchichi's picture

"The kids call him by his first name and my husband dad. " The key here is the children know who their father is. He is their dad and the SF is called by his name. The BM can call the SF whatever she likes as long as the girls always identify their father as daddy.

EOWinparadise's picture

I can completely relate with this. BM does the same thing with her boyfriend of 2 years or less. It is infuriating! She posts all over social media about how "Chester" is the best dad to all 4 of their kids and he is their world and so on and so forth. Blah blah blah. 3 of those children did not know this idiot until about a year and a half ago and are my DH's children. (Yes this means that in the 2 years SHE has known him, they have had a baby who is now 9 months old. You can do the math. I won't even get into the fact that she could hardly support the 3 she had.) The kids do not call him dad, but she has forced them to call his parents "grandma" and "grandpa", his sisters and brother "aunt" and "uncle," and his nieces and nephews "cousin." These are people they did not even know existed until a year and a half ago and magically they are family. It's really weird and I think it is inappropriate. In my opinion, you should let kids decide who you are to them. When kids are super young they may call any person of a certain age or older "grandma/grandpa," but my skids are not toddlers or babies. They know it's weird, but they don't want to upset their mother. That is all "whatever" to me. What makes me the most mad is her claims that "Chester" is their new dad, as if my DH doesn't exist. Dh has the kids 50% of the time, spends much more time with them than her or Chester, and is the one who takes care of everything for them. Without him they would not play sports, go to dentist appts, get their hair cut, have new glasses, etc... Those are all things BM can't be bothered with. It makes me so mad that she runs around posting her delusional, fantasy-world crap. I have to just constantly remind myself that-that is all it is, delusional. It doesn't mean I don't think about kicking her straight in her lying-manipulative mouth every time I see her. I just have to be the better person and shut my mouth.

beckys5555's picture

Lol thanks for sharing. I'm glad someone can relate. That's so funny , the bm posts the same crap idk y I bother looking. Just something I wanted to finally let out. Thanks for listening!