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Very frustrated with SD behavior problems!

Phoenix45's picture

Submitted by Phoenix45 on Tue, 10/13/2015 - 10:05am

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Blended Family Issues

My oldest SK is 10 and has had behavior problems her whole life. BM has her on meds (enough to stock a pharmacy) and in therapy but BM does not discipline and DH somewhat undermines my attempts at correcting poor behavior due to guilt of not getting to have her full time so she can't stand me as I'm the only one who gets on to her. Well BM decided to give us every other week on a trial basis to see if we could make it work. Other kids handled it great but Sd10 is doing everything in her power to sabotage it as she openly does not want to be there. Today she tried to wear my clothes to school (way too big) even though I laid out the outfit she told me she wanted to wear. She tried to wear flip flops even though it was fifty degrees, refused to take her meds and purposefully missed the bus because BM said if they start missing school they'd have to come home so I had to drive her which meant getting the baby up and dressed while all three other big kids made the bus. It wasn't like we slept late either I woke them up with two hours to get ready and she dragged butt around and wanted to talk more than get ready and I had to physically dress her myself and then make her change shoes etc and take meds which made her late. I'm so frustrated Idk how to handle her.

Phoenix45's picture

Submitted by Phoenix45 on Tue, 10/13/2015 - 10:24am

I totally agree! I step back a lot when he's home, but unfortunately he leaves three hours before they get up for school for his job so I'm on my own. I want to disengage in the mornings but she'd never get to school so I'm having to treat her like a toddler and get her dressed it's enough to make me wish she was at her moms (I know that sounds mean but she's doing this out of spite) except that the other two WANT and NEED to be here so I can't let her take that from them and I know DH and BM won't separate them and I can understand why. It just irritates me so much she acts like a baby when she has to get dressed if it's summer she digs winter clothes out of storage just for attention and when it's cold she does the opposite she acts like she can't tie her shoes and is literally helpless, my special needs four year old has way, way, way more maturity than this child and can dress himself in weather appropriate clothes that fit and match and ties his own shoes etc. as can all the other children she literally does it to push buttons.

Phoenix45's picture

Submitted by Phoenix45 on Tue, 10/13/2015 - 10:37am

I believe I'll try that, again it may sound mean but if she goes to school looking like a baby who dressed herself the other kids will probably say something and she'll start wanting to properly dress herself I hope. I'm so sorry I know I sound bitter but she is incredibly mean to me and our other kids and has been an incredible problem in our home and marriage, she's sent all four of her siblings to the er at some point or another and no amount of therapy and meds works. I sometimes dread caring for her. I love her with all my heart, but I dislike being around her when I know she's going to bully everyone in our home.

Phoenix45's picture

Submitted by Phoenix45 on Tue, 10/13/2015 - 1:28pm

See I think it goes beyond a morning problem because she's a huge morning person. She wakes up around five am on weekends! Maybe I'm being overly sensitive or paranoid or something but for real it just seems like spite to me.

Phoenix45's picture

Submitted by Phoenix45 on Tue, 10/13/2015 - 1:55pm

Frequently, he says "she just needs more attention. She probably feels like you don't pay enough attention to her." I'm sorry but she's an attention addict! Her parents completely feed into it. On the rare occasions he does find the offense worthy of discipline she convinces him I'm lying and he just basically warns her nicely.

WTF...REALLY's picture

Submitted by WTF...REALLY on Tue, 10/13/2015 - 1:08pm

Can she sleep in the clothes she is going to wear to school? Getting up earlier than the other kids seams like a good idea as well.

So sorry, sounds like your very kind and are doing all you can.

Phoenix45's picture

Submitted by Phoenix45 on Tue, 10/13/2015 - 1:26pm

Thank you guys so much for your kind and patient replies. I'm new to this forum and worried this would sound horrible, and I know it does I'm just relieved to have found people who seem to be judgment free. I'm going to start with the waking her up early thing as a consequence for purposefully failing to behave like anything resembling a big girl, that way a
We will know she gets ready and makes the bus on time. If that doesn't work, I guess she'll have to sleep in her clothes because I'm not about to struggle like this every morning when there are four younger ones in the home that actually might need my focus in the mornings. I appreciate the advice (and letting me vent)