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Step Daughter on Drugs, Dad turns a blind eye.....

Carenomore's picture

I have a 20 year old step daughter who smokes dope and I am sure other things all day everyday. She has a boyfriend who has no job, doesn't attend college and uses Mommy and Daddy as his personal ATM. My SD attends college but this last year she barely passed her classes by the skin of her teeth and is on Financial Aid Probabtion. She has no job and no resposibilty what so ever, thanks to her father. I have tried to empower her and convince her dad to make her get a job but it's a no win for me. She confides in me with her dirty little secrets and then swears me to secrecy which I no longer honor. Sick of not sleeping at night and lying to my best friend (her dad). I am ready to just move out. I feel completely disrespected in my own home by both of them. He allows her to smoke dope in our home, sleep with her boyfriend under our roof and basically make the rules as she sees fit. He coddles her and if they have an argument he immediately apologizes when she turns on the TEAR machine. SHE claims she is so stressed out all the time and her daddy buys it hook line and sinker every single time. I'm the bad guy in the house. I apparently make her feel bad about herself, like she isnt good enough and she is going no where with the life. She is just passing the blame off on to me. Its all my fault because I cared too much. Well no more. I am done caring about her, I am done trying to help her, I am done with giving her advise and I am super close to being done with my relationship with her dad. She wins....Her boyfriend is extremely disrespectful to me. I believe he is dealing drugs. He has already been busted for possession and just got off probabtion. Travels with a 15 inch bong in his back pack and god only knows what else. They roll blunts in my basement, bong on the coffee table and look at me like I dont belong there. But I cant tell them to get out becuase she is my husbands precious little princess that can do no wrong. I'm screwed no matter how I look at it, no matter what I say I am the one who has a problem...go figure.

Comments

Carenomore's picture

Thanks ladyface, and yes it is illegal. She is just a spoiled rotten self entitled brat, and I am sick of her crap and I am sick of her dad getting pissed at me for expressing my opinion and concerns. I am the loser in this situation and I am done. Guess I will be packing me and my dog up and heading out. It's sad.

Carenomore's picture

Thank you, sounds like you know exactly where I am . Not My HOUSE, I moved in with him. He is going to take her side no matter what, she is his kid. Us step moms all come second. I respect him for putting his child first but not in this situation. She is out of control and nothing I say or do seems to sink in. He refuses to give her an ultimatum so I have to look out for my own well being and sanity at this point. I am tired of being angry and stressed out. It's not worth it. She isn't my problem and I am not staying in a situation where I'm the bad guy.

robin333's picture

Is this a my/our house? If so, put your foot down. No one even if "his" house should be disrespecting you. No bf over if he is rude. Absolutely no drug use in the home, SD must get a job and have deadline for moving out. These are reasonable, normal expectations.

If it is a his house, tell your DH what's going on and what you need. If he is not on board, plan your exit.

Carenomore's picture

His house and yeah I have tried to lay down the law but daddy takes her side every single time. So I'm done, I'm out...she wins. I am too old to deal with this crap. I just don't care anymore. I work my ass off every single day and still come home and have to work some more because the princess doesnt have to get her hands dirty with helping out around the house. Its a lost cause and so is my relationship with her and her father at this point.

robin333's picture

Darn carenomore! That is horrible. At least you know you have done all that you can. Cut your losses and take care of yourself! And I would report the drug use/sale after my departure.

Carenomore's picture

Oh they know better than to do that around me. Its just a matter of time before the law catches up to the BF again and all I can say is if the SD is in the vehicle with him or where ever they happen to be her father cant say I didnt warn him. I am not going to remain in a situation where my career could be ruined because of irresponsible parenting and arrogant self entitled spoiled rotten kids. Me and my dog are out. I have a friend who just split up with her man too so at least I know I have some place for me and my dog to go.

kathc's picture

If your SD is ever caught with any drugs and charged with it she will no longer be eligible for any kind of federal financial aid (which includes student loans). Ever. Your DH really needs to wake up.

It's on the FAFSA website, btw, if you want to show him. Or not. Let her get a drug charge and be denied ever getting student loans or financial aid. Not your circus.

notarelative's picture

In some places if drugs are found in your home and they can prove you have knowledge that they are there, you can be charged with what is called constructive possession. Does not happen often here, but it is possible.

Also check if civil forfeiture is done in your state.

Allowing someone to possess and use drugs in your home can have serious consequences for the actual owner.

Carenomore's picture

I am aware of all this and I have tried on many occassions to explain it. I refuse to be yanked out of my bed in the middle of the night and placed in hand cuffs while my home is ripped to shreds because of some reckless parenting and a self entitled brat. Thats why I'm out and this blog in the past 24 hours has reassured me that I am not being selfish or over dramatic. I have to look out for myself, my career and MY FUTURE. Losing all that I have worked so hard for, trust me...I have finally seen he light and I have come to realise that no matter how much I love them, they dont love me the same way and they aren't worth it. They have pushed me to my limit and have no respect for me, my feelings. my home, my job, or ME period. I suggeseted last night to my Husband to make the boyfriend dump out his back pack when he came in our home, hubby refused and said it was an invasion of his privacy and would emabarrass and piss off the PRINCESS. YOU SEE WHO RULES MY HOUSE....Hubby can have it, if he wants to let the the tail wag the dog, more power to him. He cant say I didnt tell him so when his house is turned into a party palace while he is at work. Thank you for your advise and listening to my rant. Now I know for certain why I never had any kids of my own.

Carenomore's picture

I agree 100% and I do have resentment towards her and her father at the moment. Dad refuses to alienate her or hurt her feelings in any way. She is out control and they are both walking a very thin line of ME being OUT of both of their lives permanently. I'm too old and I love myself, I respect myself and I refuse to tolerate this nonsense anymore. She isn't my responsibilty. I didn't raise her and I have no connection to her behavior what so ever. Thats her Mother and Fathers problem. They are the ones who act like friends instead of parents. And when dad does try to lay down the law she screams and yells and passes the blame off to someone or something else...usually ME. And then Daddy goes and aplogizes to her 15 minutes later. I dont get it, its irresponsible parenting and they have no one to blame but themselves for her current state and situation.