:-S
As much as I love my Sks I will admit I almost dread knowing they'll be back on Monday. The new 50/50 custody arrangement doesn't come without challenges. I just got the house back in order and my kids back into their normal routines which usually lasts until about day 3 that the SK are here then mine figure they can follow their SS examples of "we don't have to do chores" attitudes etc. I am optimistic this set with the sks will be different with my kids. Mine know my rules, expectations and the fact that I'd like them to be an example to the other of what I expect when it comes to behaviours and cooperation. (I had a talk reminding them).
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Yep....That is one battle I
Yep....That is one battle I have had to deal with as well. Just because the SS's are only here 50% of the time and refuse to have any items here that make it their home too, DH feels it is BS's job to do all the chores. I have actually watched SS's sit on their asses, hide out in the house and eat cookies while DH is barking orders at BS. I put a stop to that immediately and pointed out to DH that his kids were hiding in the house and maybe he should go get them before I snap. He didn't do it.
I also allowed BS to talk to DH the way he talks to him on occasion. Tit for tat buddy. You want to talk to my son like he is your personal servant and kiss you kids ass?? Not on my watch. I finally told DH "no more chores for BS". I do feel he needs to do chores but since DH refuses to make his precious spawn do any, that gives BS a free pass as well. BS will do anything "I" ask him to so but DH no longer has that right to ask. It would be different if I had the ability to make SS's do things but since DH doesn't want to have my back...he gets no help from BS.
Oh SO wants his to do chores
Oh SO wants his to do chores too but he hasn't had much experience being a parent as he for most of SK life worked out of town two weeks at a time and was only home on average on week a month sometimes two. I am taking a step back as SM/parent with SK and making him step up. He constantly says "What am I suppose to do? I can't smack them..." He sits SK down every time they are here and talks to them about having to do chores too, expected behaviours etc. We know BM is looking for any reason to report us to child and family services as unfit/abusive parents (She has threatened it). When you factor in his lacking of parenting experience, her looking for any reason to have the kids taken from us, the kids making him feel guilty because at moms they are slaves (do all the house work) and often sent outside so she can have alone time with her SO making them feel unwanted and unloved etc etc etc. I can see why he feels like his hands are tide.... I am arranging for us to participate in a parent support group that works with the kids and parents. Hopefully it helps. In the mean time I do chores as a reward system. Chores earn points, points add up to rewards. They don't do chores, they don't earn points, they don't get rewards. The choice is their right now if they want the rewards and there has been some complaining about my kids getting treats/awards and how they don't at which point I remind them that to get those treats/rewards they have to earn points and the only way to do that is by doing chores (and they can choose which chores they want to do from the list of them we have on a whiteboard; its not like we are dictating or forcing which ones they have to do). My BK really like being able to choose which chores they do and they on average do at least three everyday (sometimes more) but the older BK also don't like watching SK do nothing. SK are hard to motivate.