Tired of the fighting
I am so tired of my spouse and his ex. I just want it all finished and done with. They've been separated over a year and just settle child custody agreement. But all I ever hear is she wants she wants she wants.... I'm to the point where when it comes to the material stuff just let her have it. Its not worth fighting for and eventually (not right away) we can replace it all. I am so tired of her complaining that I'm rude and not polite when all I try to do is be nice. I even get her kids to make her gifts for Christmas etc. I am just so tired of it all. And according to my spouse I shouldn't have any feelings about anything that has to do with him and her.
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But they both keep dragging
But they both keep dragging me into it. He dumps on me all the time about everything she wants, how he's feeling, what she thinks of me, how the kids are feeling and so on. I never went through a difficult separation with my ex. I never went through any of this with my ex. We are still friends.
If he thinks that you're not
If he thinks that you're not supposed to have feelings about anything going on between him and his ex, then he cannot use you as a sounding board for his frustrations. After all, when we love someone, when we hear them having a difficult time with another human being, we hurt for them and feel frustration for them.
So, either he talks to you and understand you're going to develop feelings and opinions, or he doesn't talk to you.
Honestly, I don't like the fact that he thinks you shouldn't have feelings. That leads me to believe that he still leans toward protecting and honoring BM, and that you're an outsider and therefore a threat. However, if he said that because you have a history of flying off the handle on topics about his ex, then I think it's not as dire.
Thank you. I think I will
Thank you. I think I will share this response with him. I am also pushing for family counselling.
At this point I just want him
At this point I just want him to give her everything (his half of what they had together), sell the house and for us to start fresh somewhere else. I don't feel like I can ever make the house my home as long as she feels entitled to what we have here. I don't want to hear about her from him or their kids. What do I do.
When I first meet my husband,
When I first meet my husband, his ex was still coming into the home whenever she wanted and taking things out of the house. Onetime she even came in when wasn't there called my child a brat, went into our bedroom took all of the children halloween candy for her son then left.
When this stuff would happen and he would just let her do it, I would tell him your not over her yet. You need to heal and draw boundaries with her. I would tell him if her and your needs are more important then mine then I don't need to be with you because you are still acting as if your married to her. I'm not going to be a third wheel and i'm going to be important to you or I'm not going to be here.
I think that's the problem you have is he treats her more like his wife then you. You need to strip some gumption on and tell him your feelings, wants and needs are important. Your needs and feelings should come above his ex at anytime. I would really question if he has really healed from the previous marriage. This might be his way of hanging on to the old relationship.
I wish I new. Thats why I
I wish I new. Thats why I have started pushing for family counselling. The kids could benefit from it too. All I know is she cheated on him, she said it was over, he asked her to move out but she wanted to stay living in the house until she had her finances in order. They divided the assets, she took her half and now wants his half. They divided the debts.... she dumped her half back on him to have to pay. I just want it over. I want to be able to build our life together.
Our goal is to try to be
Our goal is to try to be fair. We already have joint 50/50 custody and no CS required because BM and CS both make roughly the same amount yearly. I want to be supportive of him going through all this (that's how I was raised) but in all honestly I am finding it overwhelming (like blending a family isn't difficult enough)...
My SO used say "She hasn't
My SO used say "She hasn't done anything to you" when I would get upset about the crap that BM would pull.
It took awhile, like a couple of years, but I honestly don't care anymore. If he wants to engage in drama with her, so be it. I just nod my head and pretend to listen when he is bitching about her.
thank you
thank you
This is what I'm afraid
This is what I'm afraid of.... She seems to have a need to control everything including me. I refuse to let her control me. She demanded my legal name and cell number, now she wants my kids landline number too (fuck that, she has no need to be calling the house on my kids landline. he can set up a land line for his kids....). I wont let him get them a cell phone that goes back and forth between the homes, I dont need her using it to spy on what we do or where we are....
I have a screening interview next week for a parent support service program that I am hopeful will at least be helpful with the in house family issues.