Interstate Parenting Plan
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Do any of you have experience with an interstate parenting plan? DH is due to go to mediation with the EX that just wants $$$$ and doesn't want DH to have any kind of relationship with his daughter who is 12. DH has not seen his daughter in a year and a half due to issues being tied up in court and the EX not "allowing" DH any visitation with his daughter. The courts like to use terms like "Reasonable visitation" and "Frequent visitation" yet what might seem "reasonable" or "frequent" to some does not mean it is the same for others! The courts also seem to think that a child of the age of 12 should get to decide how much time they spend because hanging out with friends is apparently more important than spending time with your family.
My husband and I just moved
My husband and I just moved away with SD7 from where BM lives. They agreed terms outside of a court, so not sure what a judge would think of as reasonable. He offered 3 visits a year (summer, winter and spring vacations). BM only wanted 2. So she is getting 2 months over summer and as much of winter break as is reasonable considering school dates. SD will be flying home to visit her mom during these vacations.
Not much help, but my
Not much help, but my girlfriend shares custody with her exDH for her BS13. Different states. (CO to OK) BS started flying solo between states when he was about 8. Airlines had a great "minors-flying-solo" program. Always straight flights. School year with Mom w/EO-Xmas/Thanksgiving rotation.
Dad gets a month to 6 wks/summer. Also, with Thanksgiving/Xmas rotation. One year he gets Fall break (Thanksgiving) and gets BS the day after Xmas. The next year he gets Xmas and Spring break. The Dad watches flight sales and will usually plan ahead to 2+ of the 3-day weekends during the school year.
Dad speaks to his son every, freakin' day. Usually a "goodnight" call, but sometimes just an email. Also, FaceTime every Sunday at a set time. This continued even when my girlfriend remarried and then divorced.
They alternate who pays for flights. When BS was quite young, the parent with custody flew with him. As he got older, they swapped who had to provide transportation for what trip. Girlfriend does the 11 hour drive one way, at least twice a year to avoid the airfare hit.
In my limited experience, the court "listens" to 12/13 yr olds regarding custody situations, but generally not on visitation if there is no abuse/drug use etc. I'd suggest that you gather literature, research study reports, other states findings etc and give to your lawyer. I know, I know, that is what we pay THEM for, but if you can act as the paralegal and give them facts and statistics, it will cut down on your lawyer fee.
BTW there is research out there to support that girls need their fathers! Fathers are not disposable, invisible ATM cards. Argh.
Visitation needs to be
Visitation needs to be clearly spelled out. Do not allow vague words like "reasonable" or "liberal" when it comes to visitation. Your husband should get alternating Holidays/Spring Breaks and almost all of the summer vacation. Also, transportation costs should also be spelled out.