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Like nails on a chalkboard

ChiefGrownup's picture

We've been having a nice morning the three of us. DH, SS13 and myself. We all interact normally and pleasantly. SS13 even asked me this morning first thing, "Are you feeling better, CGU?" So sweet. (I was a bit under the weather yesterday when they arrived).

We've all been up for hours. DH and I are sitting at the kitchen table and SD15 finally joins as. I'm planning to say, "Good morning, SD15" as soon as she exits the hallway. Where I'm sitting I'm the first to see her and will be physically closest to her. Seems like proper manners to me. Someone enters the room, you greet them.

But she's cocked and loaded. Before she actually sets foot in the room she starts talking, "Hey, Dad, here's a stupid story I'm going to tell you just so I can make sure you are talking to me and only me and no one else can enter the conversation and I will make sure to start every sentence with the word 'Dad' so everyone knows I'm not talking to anyone else in the room but you."

My pleasant morning just went sour. DH falls for it as usual. They are off and running down some rabbit hole only the 2 of them can enter. She has successfully dominated the whole house from her first breath. DH doesn't notice in the slightest what she's doing.

The day she turns 18 I am going to give her a list of household rules. If she can't follow them, good luck finding new housing. I have told DH this. He agrees to it. He doesn't teach her NOW because he's just flippin' oblivious. I'm sick of being the nag who always has to point it out to him. He claims I am not a nag but I feel like one. I also feel like the uniformed servant in the corner of the room, not to be acknowledged cuz not a real member of the Club of People Who Count.

Grrrrr.

Comments

just.his.wife's picture

"SD, you just interupted your father's and my conversation, leave and return to your room. You may return when and only when you have managed to find your manners. Given your recent behavior that means I should be rid of you for about the next six months... bye bye.. GIT!"

ChiefGrownup's picture

I would just love to say this. I wish I'd said it when she was 12. That whole stupid being in love with Dad and trying to see what his plan was cuz he must have one tripped me up. Ugh.

I have gone the rounds with her many times (take control of the situation) but sometimes I let things go. This was one where I let it go. Not sure if I have a good reason for that, just can't stand to always be the one who has to do it when it's not my freakin' child.

ChiefGrownup's picture

As a matter of fact, this happens quite a bit, thank you very much. Evil grin. I now have no problem bringing SS a gift or treat and just ignoring SD. She knows why. But she gets whatever she wants anyway so it's not much of a loss to her. It's just a massive benefit to ME.

I so appreciate you ladies getting it. This is what keeps me sane, is coming here where people get it.

fedupstep's picture

Oh God...SD16 interrupts DH and I ALL. THE. TIME. It makes me crazy. Last summer she started oinking like a pig and chimed, 'Look Daddy! I'm a piggy! Am I a cute piggy?' She was 15! I thought I was going to have a stroke.

DH only corrects her in public, only when it embarrasses him. I have tried to tell him it should be ALL the time, but what do I know?

ChiefGrownup's picture

Here's how I fixed that problem when I was on top of my game one day. http://www.steptalk.org/node/210294 I would like to point out the girl knew damn well that she had no interest in air conditioning whatsoever. See how she inserts herself into the conversation using that ruse and expertly turns the conversation 180 degrees away without dad ever noticing what was happening. She used the ruse in the first place because dad HAS gotten on her in the past about interrupting, after many tearful conversations with me (he didn't think it up on his own). So she got a little more clever and dad fell right in the trap.

Years of living like this eats away at your soul and your mental health and the dhs just can't see it.

ChiefGrownup's picture

She is extremely emotionally immature. Extremely. Not my problem. I tried when she was 12-14 to help nurture and teach her. Too many obstacles. I'm done. Now she'll just have to learn it from the world the hard way. Which means no more living at my house or getting money from us if you can't be civil. Can't stop the CS or the living until she's 18 and that is the day I take over.

No saint's picture

If i happen to see your DH's balls (along with his respect for you and common courtesy) in my country, would you like me to catch them and mail them back?

ChiefGrownup's picture

She turns 18 middle of the summer after graduation. IF she graduates. I'm thinking if she drops out her banishment may occur earlier. Not having it. Thinks she can lay around my house causing misery doing nothing with her life she's got another think coming.

Been writing my speech in my head for that day.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Chief, check the paperwork. Some states require a parent to pay child support up to age 19 if the little gem is still in HS due to failing a grade or 3.

ChiefGrownup's picture

I actually prefer not to know. I couldn't bear it if it turns out to be true. Then if it happens I'll have less time to be miserable about it.

And, yes, at this moment she is failing three.

ChiefGrownup's picture

What we have learned through a lot of intensive work with each other is that he actually does not see the behavior for what it is. So I can forgive him for something he really truly didn't know. And now we work on it together. I usually have to tell him some behavior is hideous because so often he just doesn't get it. He will listen to me and work out some remedy that he feels comfortable with or try a suggestion of mine. Or sometimes I just lay down a law from which there is no appeal. He is usually pretty good about respecting that.

I also allow him to make it up to me. Which he will do with great sincerity, sometimes not even completely understanding the problem but knowing I feel bad and he wants me to be happy.

So this is a long way of saying he really didn't see that he "didn't have my back" Sat morning. He got it eventually, though. See the update here http://www.steptalk.org/node/215804#comment-1611394