Tell your dh a 15 year old needs supervision by an authority. Since he has decided that is not you, she obviously cannot stay in your home when he is gone. Please send her to a place where someone he trusts can supervise her.

After he has made those arrangements you can have the conversation with him where you find out why he married someone he cannot trust to be a responsible adult. And after that you can have the conversation with him where he learns how you feel about being married to someone who does not trust you.

Good luck. We have all been driven mad like this and that's how we all found this board. You are not alone.

Stop playing 'she says/I say'. Put up a video cam on the doors so SD is caught in the act of whatever her true comings and goings are. Dad won't be able to deny what he can see on tape. You stated your BD 'caught' her. Honestly DH may not trust your daughter telling the truth over his own daughter.

I'm not implying your daughter lied or may have lied I'm saying your DH may not have the be willing to take one teens word over the other. So back-up the 'evidence. Second HRNYC is correct that this SD should be going to counseling. Teenage girls have enough going on in their young life without having to deal with the death of a parent and being suddenly thrust into a new fulltime home with an absent father and three instant step-siblings....the girl needs help sorting out her feelings and adjusting to such major changes in her life. Anger, abandonment issues, peer pressure, and so forth.

Could your DH seek a company doing local runs instead of over the road long distance? He needs to be around more. He can't parent by phone. The girl won't let you parent her and you shouldn't have to be the 24/7 parent in his absence. Dad isn't letting you deal with the teen as a parent would and yet he isn't there to do the job either. In the meantime the teen has no one able to do the day to day hard lift. Besides the teen resents any attempt you try to anyway. You in turn resent the entire situation. Rightly so, but what is going to change in the current state of affairs?

Start with insisting the SD is given to opportunity for counseling. That your Dh seek a steady local route so he can be the parent he needs to be. She deserves a parent in the home. You deserve not to be that parent. You deserve a true partner in your household not one via phone and SD needs supervision, guidance and someone she feels is actually 'there' for her. Just giving you the authority to discipline isn't the answer. it will just ramp up the resentments on both parts and will do nothing to work on the root of the issues.

If your DH is a custodial parent, then he needs to find a job that allows him to be present to parent his daughter. This situation is above your pay grade. Teenage girl skids are the worst, but I do feel for a kid who has lost one parent, only to have the other parent pawn her off on a step parent. Make your DH handle his responsibilities! You are not a nanny.