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Why can't they just GO AWAY?

orangealex222's picture

I've been a lurker on this site for months now. I finally got the courage to join. I have 3 children of my own from my previous marriage that lasted 18 years. 14 yo daughter, 12 yo daughter and 9 yo son. All smart, healthy, wonderful grades, active in school and outside activities, ballet, dance team, taekwondo. I have split custody with their dad. He has them a full week then I have them a full week. This way their school, activities and friendships are not disrupted.

I met my new husband a few months after my divorce and we dated for 2 years before getting married. We are both in our 40's. He has an 11 yo daughter with a terrible physical handicap and has had many, many surgeries. She is very manipulative and wants her way all the time. She is in no way mentally handicapped. She's in a wheel chair but CAN do things for herself. She just chooses not to. The next kid is a 8 year old daughter that is severely obese and weighs more than my healthy 14 year old daughter. Its just disgusting to watch her eat and there's no stopping her. The last kid is a 6 year old son who is a wild maniac that I have BEGGED my husband to get tested and he needs speech therapy so bad but his mother thinks he is fine and wont send him.

We have his kids 2 days a week here with us. It is the most torturous 48 hours of my existence every week. The 2 younger ones, 6 and 8 will wake up in the middle of the night and come stand beside our bed and just stare at us. It is so damn creepy! I literally want to scream at them GET THE F(!K OUT OF HERE!!!! But I don't. I wakeup their dad and say "so and so is staring at us again!" I want to lock our bedroom door when they are here but our cats come and go in the night and sleep with us and honestly have more feelings for my cats than I do for these creepy kids.

The worst one is the handicapped one. She is IMPOSSIBLE to please. My mother in law was even spoon feeding her like an infant during a recent hospital stay because the kid wouldn't eat some carrots. We ended up have an altercation over that because I told them I would gladly cook her food but wouldn't spoon feed an 11 year old that has been perfectly capable of feeding herself all these years.

The horrible hygiene of these kids will have to come at a later day. Lets just say the 8 year old pees her pants ( day time, NOT night time) and I have once again begged my husband and their own mother to take her to the Dr. They are all 3 just disgusting. Just absolutely disgusting and I wish I never had to see them again.

Sorry, I just HAD to tell someone. And YES, I'm in therapy!!!

Comments

orangealex222's picture

YES! You hit every nail right on the head! Its like the whole family is so focused on the "sick one" that they've let the other 2 go completely down hill. My husband doesn't think his son needs speech .....ugggg! Oh hell yes he does! The obese one I think he feels sorry for her and tries to protect her because he also struggles with food. He's a big guy too but not unhealthy. I try to steer her to more healthy food choices but she doesn't listen to me.

My therapist told me that my husband, BM and MIL and FIL all see the sick kid as the same little baby that they were trying to keep alive 11 years ago. I see her as an 11 year old girl who's in a wheelchair and she better start doing some of these things for herself if she's going to gain any independence.

orangealex222's picture

Ive seen kids who are in wheelchairs do remarkable things! This kid just wants attention and everyone to be at her beck and call 24/7

Monchichi's picture

My SS is/ was BM, SO, granny, grandpa, "SIL", siblings, even myself and my BD's complete focus. It took every resource of energy we had. None of us were/ are helping him. It took my daughter and SS therapists to get SO and I to catch a wake up.

Your other 2 Skids are having a really rough ride. Imagine 8 and 6 years in the shadow of big sister who will always need special care. They will never be the focus or top priority as long as big sister is disabled. I don't have the magic answer for you but what I can advise is DO NOT get sucked in to it.

orangealex222's picture

Yeah, Its stressing me out so much and I have my OWN 3 children to take care of. She has a mother and I'm NOT IT!I do NOT WANT to be her mother. She has one and I'm sorry if she's a shitty mom but I'm not putting this kid above the welfare of my own 3. Not trying to be a bitch, but I'm seriously about to tell them ....Not my circus, not my monkeys. I think its the only way I'm going to be able to survive this and not resent my husband.

twoviewpoints's picture

I was thinking baby gate. Cat could go over it in and out. Kids would be stopped by it long enough to be heard trying to open it...at least OP would know they're coming. Can't imagine opening my eyes to two kids standing over me starring.

Sootica's picture

Cat flap on the bedroom door will work a treat your cats can come & go whilst the freakazoids are locked out of your room.That is beyond freaky waking up at night with the weirdos staring at you!We have 1 on our bedroom door and it's fantastic bedroom door stays shut & kitties come & go as they please.

orangealex222's picture

Thank you everyone for the advice! I can defiantly put up a baby gate right away. That's a great idea and I have one in the garage now. We got a call this morning that handicapped SD is not eating what the Dr told her she HAD to eat. Stupid ass BM called my DH and whinned about it. I told him well if she doesn't eat then she goes back to the hospital to get another feeding tube ran down her nose so she has that choice. There's nothing wrong with this kid from the waist up mind you, she has spina bifida and just had another back surgery. The Dr told her that if she didn't improve her diet that all of the hardware in her back could come out. She just WONT eat the vegetables. Its like she's 3 not 11.