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Thank goodness we're going back to court!

starfish1012's picture

BM is an absolute lunatic.

Just over a month ago, her "parenting time" was reduced from week on/week off to every other weekend and one afternoon a week. DH has full custody and is due CS. BM was paying a small amount in support only on the weeks she did not have her son with her.

CS was not addressed when we met in court last month on some other issues and subsequently adjusted her "parenting time". Honestly, I think everyone just forgot--judge included. We realized as we left the court room, but rather than filing a letter to request an adjustment right away, DH decided to take the high road and wait until our next court date, which is in a few days now. He wanted to prove to everyone that the adjustment in "parenting time" was not just an attempt to get more support from her.

Now, of course, SS spends almost all his time at our home and DH would actually be due more support than the original set-up. This last weekend, BM "forgot" to pay support and said she'd bring it on Thursday (five days late) when she drops off SS. She said she'd also include the small amount DH asked her to contribute to SS's soccer club fees. Well, as she was about to leave, he quietly asked about support. She loudly started spitting nasty remarks at DH (in front of SS) that she shouldn't have to pay anything because DH and my combined incomes are more than she makes as a server--says she only makes $2.15 an hour. SUPER nasty the way she was talking. Then she got in her car and left. No room for conversation. Not that it should have been in front of SS anyway.

Okay, let's be real. Servers do NOT make $2.15 an hour. Maybe on their paychecks, yes. But the whole point of that small payment is because they're being compensated with tips. All this, coming from a BM who told us last year she claimed over $40k on her taxes. Sound funny to you, too?

Also, clearly she's done absolutely no research on what is used to calculate CS. Because if she had, she'd see that spousal income is not included. She's brought this up before to DH but not in court for a year or so.

Furthermore! She's basically saying she doesn't think she should have to financially support her son! Right in front of him! So if you want me to financially support him, and you don't have time for him, then WHAT are you doing for him as a mother?

And then, of course, she left without paying. Sooo...good thing court is coming up?

p.s. She also brought SS home half an hour late (right at his bedtime) and had not done homework with him. Wish I could say it was the first time...SMH.

Orange County Ca's picture

It'll boil down to what she claims as tips then won't it. The restaurant will have records of her paychecks which will include the tips left on charge card payments but not cash tips. Many people, like myself, leave cash even when charging the tab so the server can do as they please regarding reporting them. Most don't is my assumption. I know the IRS has guidelines.

Your husband may find that hassling his sons mother over a few dollars in support isn't worth the taste it will leave in the boys mouth. The boy fully knows the level of income in both households and frankly I wouldn't want to be remembered by my son as the guy who squeezed every last nickel out of a woman who despite her bragging is probably earning twenty thousand a year.

My son lived with me for several years and I asked for nothing from his mother who baby sat infants for income while at the time I was earning plenty enough to cover all the bills and then some.

starfish1012's picture

Every last nickle? I feel like you're misunderstanding the situation. She pays the lowest amount in support I've ever heard of and she pays it less frequently than she should.

And he does not "hassle" her for the support. A) it's rightfully his and Dirol he discretely handles the situation. She's the one who makes a big to-do, though the support is court-ordered.

DH is not earning as "plenty" as you may have been.

tryingmom's picture

Absolutely agree!!! She should pay her share of what it takes to financially support her child. Even if it is the lowest amount for CS, that is a court order.

Having pushed that child out does not give her a pass.

starfish1012's picture

Indiana. Servers are SUPPOSED to claim all their tips at work, but they usually don't. However, in this situation, she clearly did for taxes last year...

Calypso1977's picture

im surprised that Orange, as a man, is perpetuating the gross inequity between how fathers are treated vs how mothers are treated.

even if out of the goodness of your hearts you dont push for more support, you should at least be pushing for what's already been ordered by the court.

Calypso1977's picture

i worked as a hostess at a 4 star restaurant that had sommelliers (sp?) and the like.

many of the waiters and waitresses had bachelors' degrees and made $50K+ per year. they all received typical $2=$3/hour wages but tips were insane given teh average cehck on a 4-top was $300-$350.