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Bdmnrizn's picture

So my SS 32 was talking to my youngest daughter and in conversation told her he hated his life and wished he were dead, in return my daughter told her father what was said, and being that my DH oldest gaughter from another mother hung herself in our old house about 12 years ago (It was awful, I found her)Im wondering thats the reason my DH is being the way he is to SS??(Doesnt work, sleeps all day, gives him money, buys him cigs, etc etc...) I hate to bring up my DH daughters passing to my DH as I know he misses her and we will never know why. Maybe SS is just playing DH like a fool???
If subject wasnt so painful for DH Id bring it up. Personally I think SS is just enjoying every minute of this, while driving me crazy.

giveitago's picture

It's possible that he is doing it just to get attention. Personally I would not take a suicide threat lightly though. There might be a 'depression' streak in their family and DH could be catering to an illness. I cannot say for sure, nor should you. The best way to find out is to stop reacting to the demands and let DH do all the running. The more you react the more he will play it up equally the same is true the less you react.
I cannot tell you for sure because I am not familiar with your situation but DH knows the boy well enough to come out of denial if you stop reacting and let him get on with it,right?

omgsaveme's picture

His daughter hung himself ? Yes I think the SS is playing up on it. People that are suicidal either dont say anything and just do it or they go talk to someone to get help. People that sit there and say it over and over and never do it, DONT. My BM has said it for years, "I wish I were dead" or "why doesnt someone just kill me" and after I heard enough I used to just tell her to go ahead and do it then. Since then its stopped. This is not something you will ever be able to convince DH otherwise. If something were to happen ,god forbid he would blame you forever. I would talk with your DH and say SS says he wants to kill himself, I think we need to get him help. You can walk into the ER, tell them hes suicidal and have them admit his ass into a psych hospital and watch how quick he recovers from his "depression". I used to work with the mentally ill, a TON of patients we had come in because they had threatened to kill themselves or kill others. They were always admitted against there will cause they pulled the "I wanna kill myself" crap. They would stay in for 72 hour mandatory observation and would be crying to get out of there. I bet if DH was to pull back, SS would step it up by weak attempts.

I would try it, freak out, like youre so worried. Tell him you are so scared that since SD did it, that he may too and insist you go to a hospital and have him admitted against his will. Its for his own safety. Really play it up. If you decide to, please keep us posted.

dontcallmestepmom's picture

Your SS may very well be depressed. Mental illness runs all through one side of my family. However, what he is doing now is NOT going to help him get over the depression. IF he has it, it will never get better with your DH enabling and coddling him.

I am very sorry about your DH's daughter. I cannot imagine how that was for you, having to find her. I think that tragedy makes it much "easier" for your DH to enable his son. I think you need to gently approach your DH about his son. You do not need to bring up his daughter, but what you should do is say that you are concerned for your SS. See what DH says-he may bring up his daughter, and then you can take it from there.

It is not fair that you have to deal with a SS who is grown, but being treated like a child by your DH. This cannot and should NOT go on. Time for SS to get help, if that is what he needs. If he does have depression, he can get medication. Yes, some people cannot function, but if he is THAT bad, he may need another place to live where he can get intensive help. Time to empower him to help himself. You don't want him lying around your house forever.

hereiam's picture

Perhaps he hates his life because he does nothing productive and contributes nothing to society.

Considering what your SD did, it is truly selfish of him to use that to his advantage, but it seems that is what he is doing. He knew his words would be repeated to his dad. It is also selfish of him to use your daughter like that.

You can have a conversation about your SS with your DH, without bringing up his daughter. After all, this is not about her, it's about your SS and him being a lazy, mooching bum.

If he truly suffers from depression, doing what he is doing is only making it worse and your DH is enabling him. Sitting around being depressed is not how to make it better.

Since your DH knows what SS said, perhaps you can suggest to him that SS would feel better if he contributes in some way. Give him things to do so he is not sleeping all day. Make him earn his keep and cigarettes, eventually, suggest he get a JOB. He will feel better if he is DOING something (unless he really is just milking it).