Hello- no they wont be teens forever but I dont know if that will make you feel better.. I deal with a SD of 23 and trust me I would trade her for several teens..-)

If he does not set ground rules now with them then they will not have anything to follow.

Good luck in what you decide and welcome

No, but it sure doesn't get any better - even when they are in their 20's.

If he has two teenage kids and he can't figure out how to make them turn down their music while they're in his house, then no, it will not get better. Run.

BB

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

My BF of nearly 3 years has a 14yo daughter who lives with us fulltime. For the most part she is a good kid, I would prefer of course, she wasn't with us, however that's the price I have to pay for having a loving, wonderful man in my life.

I have been struggling with the feelings of resentment I have towards her, however it was not her choice, it was her mothers, that she came to live with us. So, I sort of have to try and remember that it is not her fault that she is here. She didn't choose me and I didn't choose her, so were sort of on an equal playing field in that department!!

I am lucky that I work with a lot of women who have biological children (I don't), so if she does (or doesn't do something) I will often ask them if it's normal teenage behaviour, always the reply is yes.

One lady I work with has a 12yo bio daughter, she said the other day that she loves her, but doesn't like her because of the way she is starting to behave.

Also, too, I don't know if I notice and am angered by this "normal" teenage behaviour more than I would be because she is not my child, perhaps I am.

It also find it difficult to ask her to do stuff, or not to do stuff as the case may be, because I feel she will start to perceive me as the wicked stepmother and will jeopardise the wonderful relationship BF and I have. Typically I think most teenagers are lazy, forgetful, whiney etc etc. I am lucky that so far, she has shown me very few signs of disrespect and speaks to me nicely. She uses tone with her father every so often which really annoys me. I have learnt that he is the one that needs to put her in her place when he feels she has overstepped the mark, not me.

I don't know under what situation your BF's kids are living with him, perhaps he might be scared to discipline them for fear they will want to live with their mother if they think "the grass will be greener".

I am lucky that my BF will listen to my complaints, fears and anxieties about the situation, he is essentially stuck in the middle of SD, me and BM, trying to please everyone. I have decided that he is absolutely worth it (although there have been earlier times when I thought I would bail). In 4 years she will be legally an adult, and can do whatever she likes, I don't care. Although to be honest, there is a small part of me that hopes I do care, even just a little bit....

Run like hell!!!

I'm sorry you have to be in this situation. But it might be best if you leave now. I was in a similar situation and ended up getting married to the man. His daughter, 17, is just the same way. And DH responds like your BF. And what has happened - she went and got pregnant on purpose. On purpose - to trap a boy. Why? Because she could. Now she expects us to take care of her and her baby, financially and physically, while she lives her life. DH says he wants her to go to school and get a job, but then says he can't make her do it.

I have had enough in my situation. I am about to pack the bags.

I wish the best because with my experience, if your BF is saying that - it will only get worse.

RUN FOR THE HILLS! Teenage girls are the worst. They might not be teens forever, but they will always come before you. Get out while you can before you have half you life invested in this and are still dealing with them 10 years from now.

I am currently engaged to a man with 3 kids, all of which were in their late teens when we met. We have been together for 6 yrs. and his kids are now in their 20's and are much more of an issue than when they were younger. The kids didn't really start warming up to me and coming around until the last two years. Since then we have had almost each of them living with us at one time or another. The kids are decent kids yet extremely spoiled, lazy, unmotivated and are always looking for a handout. I do not agree with my fiances way of parenting them and it causes A LOT of friction in our relationship. Suffice it to say things haven't been the same in the last two years and I am considering leaving the situation. As much as I care about him, I realize now that some of his values are not mine and will never be. You will never have the opportunity to parent his kids the way you see fit, if you can live with that stay with him, if you can't, I agree with a lot of these girls posting, get out before you get too entangled like me....

I agree with those who say get out...or just date and live seperately...the kids are an issue constantly and the bottom line is they DH will side with them, period. We don't have the same goals or expectations of our kids, and I have tried just being quiet...but it is eating me alive..I hate my situation, and I just want to take my son and get the hell out of here.

If I've said it once, I've said it 1000 times...

The KIDS are NOT this issue. It's the PARENT.

The kids will only do whatever the parent will let them get away with. If the parent does not set limits or rules or follow through with consequences each and every time, then the kids (no matter how old they are!!!) will continue to be out of control and push the envelope.

And yes, it is that simple. And no, it does not END when they are 18!

The PARENT is the ISSUE. If the parent doesn't wise up, then the problems will not stop.

This is Parenting101. God, I should go on the road and start mass seminars- I could make a killing!