my lovely step daughter!!
Hi, my name is Erica and I have been with my Dh for almost ten yrs. married for 8. I have a SD and a SS, which I have been Sm to them since they were 4 and 5, now 13 and 14. my step daughter is a little witch. she thinks she can say and do whatever she wants to me. the sad part is when i yell at her my DH yells at me like i am the child and says nothing to her. she swears at me all the time when we fight. i discipline and my DH does nothing. I hate her. I try to be nice because her mom is a looney but she just makes me wonder why i do anything nice for her. i am trying to stay in the marriage for the 3.5 more years when they both turn 18 and do not have to deal with them sleeping here all the time. we have an 8 yr old son together and it is not fair to him what goes on over here when they are hear especially my SD. I am trying so hard to control myself when she is here and not say anything but it ia soo hard. i do everyting for her, throw her elaborate b-day parties,we take them on vacations all the time. and her BM does nothing. she has her own rookm and everything, my SS shares with our son. wish they could just sleep on the couch. tired of the drama from the BM and SD. anyone else have this problem.
Its the standard issue, DH
Its the standard issue, DH doesn't support your parenting. The solution is to stop parenting. Stop trying to discipline or do anything with this child until she is respectful. Let DH deal with it then. Until she acts properly you stop everything and make him fully responsible for her.
He will either get on board or be really tired all the time for catering to her. Either way, its easier on you and that is your goal. To make your life easier.
I agree with alwaysanxious I
I agree with alwaysanxious I am going through the same thing with a disrespectful 16y\o SD and I have finally come to the conclusion that I am no longer going to try and work things out or try to parent her AT ALL. I will let her father and BM deal with her and I will just worry about the ones I gave birth to. Its just sad that it has to be that way!
Plain facts are ... she owes
Plain facts are ... she owes you nothing and you owe her nothing. So she doesn't repsect you. Bratty and low class but what are you going to do? Force her? How would you do that?
So pull back. Do not do her laundry, just toss all her stuff she leaves around the house in her room. Luckily she doesn't share her room so she can sort it out herself. No trips to the mall, she will have to wait until her father gets home. She calls you rude names, ignore her. IF she ges violent with you, look her in the eye and say in a low voice "Touch me one more time and I WILL call the police and report you for assult." No birthday parties, no vactions... or if you are all going on vacation do not plan anything for her.
Yelling at kids really gets you nowhere. It feels great but it is short lived.
And get into marriage counselling with your husband. If he won't go, go alone and learn how to manage your marriage.
I agree with this too. Time
I agree with this too. Time to pull back and stop being a doormat.
Also, don't count on 18 being the magic number when she moves or matures. My SD, who's caused me hell the last few years, is moving into her first real apartment next week and she's going on 28!
OH NO! I am counting on
OH NO! I am counting on 18...earlier if I can swing it - SS16 has been told that he WILL be out at 18 years old, NO EXCUSES. I cringe to hear about that age living with me still....cause I ain;t seeing the maturation and responsibility my friends and colleagues kids are doing...I'm seeing bratty crappy behaviour, and I am OVER it.
^^ yeah, pretty much. And
I wish It were that easy to
I wish It were that easy to wait until they are 18......my sd is 22 and still right between me and my husband who I adore and love so much but am starting to wonder why!He seems to get some satisfaction when she disrespects me and causes us to almost divorce! Im trying a new mothod....they are both playing head games and I know it.....how can they play a game if there arn't any players? don't play into it! Learn to recognize when you are being screwed with and completely ignore it! It is almost comical because you can see the let down on their faces! you win! Im just upset and hurt that someone I love so much is trying to hurt me by playing these silly games and I mean silly!
It's obvious that she resents
It's obvious that she resents you behaving like a mother. As someone who has been the child in this situation, I can definitely relate. The best thing that you can do is STOP. She's a rebelious teen who needs some guidance, obviously. But at this time you aren't the person to give it to her. If it's truly terrible then sit down as an entire family and discuss it. Remember you aren't there mom. No matter what you do, you can't change that.
I have a SD who is 16 that
I have a SD who is 16 that has recently treated me like dirt, she disrespects everything I say and I can't take the attitude much longer. How do you just ignore this and let the BD do all the parenting, the problem is my BD will believe she can start treating me in this manner if I turn my head and walk away from the way she is disrupting this family....any ideas???