Run. Run far away. You haven't been with this guy very long. People show their best faces at the beginning of a relationship. This is only going to get worse.

Yes this is a HUGE red flag. It will most likely just get worse, esp if the dad does not stand up for YOU, but coddles his son instead. RUN FAST>

Time to move on.

"he is having trouble in school, beating other kids and even the teacher, and even his bio mother calls frequently complaining that he doesnt listen to her and has a bad attitude at home."

BIG, HUGE RED FLAGS here. Yes, you should run. Instead of addressing his son's bad behavior, he attacks you and calls you names.

But you don't have to necessarily wait to find someone who doesn't have kids. The problem isn't finding someone who doesn't have kids, the problem is finding someone who if they happen to have kids, is a GOOD parent that makes their kids mind.

I'm dating someone right now who has no problems with my bios - why? Because, he says, they are WELL BEHAVED. That makes all the difference in the world.

I would move on. Listen to your gut.

Please get out now!!! The kid is only 5 he will grow up I have a sd9 and for thr first couple months it was ok then BOOM!! If I knew then what I know now as much as I love my BF I would leave him....and that's sad cause its not his fault but especially if he tries to change u in any way....you are young and don't have baggage - have 2 kids of my own....please get a fresh kidless start...

Sweetheart, your intuition is telling you to get out of this that this man is going to give you a whole lot of grief. Speaking of grief, your fiance dumping you would have been devastating. You would have suffered a loss similar to any other, similar to a death. It takes at least two years to get over something like this. If you try to cover your pain by filling the void with another man it can only lead to disaster. And, in this case it clearly has. You need time, time alone to mourn the loss of your fiance. You are entitled to that.

What you are seeing here are red flags all right, Great Big Red Flags and you must let this relationship go. This is only going to get far, far worse.

He is already laying blame on you. His child is clearly jealous of you, and your boyfriends response is not to reassure his son, but to tell you, you talk to loud and make his son uncomfortable.

You are 30 and childless. I see that as a typical young woman who has the world at her feet and many, many opportunities for a wonderful life. You see that as over the hill, no man will ever want me, I will never have children. I am right, you are wrong Just for the record both my daughters were in their thirties before they had their first child. The eldest 37 has just given birth to her 3rd health baby. Seems once she worked out what makes babies she was off and running.

My husband is like this man as are the husband's and partners of any others on this site. They do not change. Even if you find a way to live with it, there is aways the undercurrent of resentment from them because they will never accept that they have created or contributed to the problem with their children. It is aways someone else's fault, and in your case it will always be your fault.

This man's son has serious issues and at 30 you should be having serious FUN.

I am in a second marriage. My husband was estranged from his children when we met and married. I stupidly encouraged him to have a relationship with them. His daughter is the spawn of Satan. She never let up, even had a baby to try and break up our marriage. She made my life a living hell. Like your boyfriend my husband blamed me for every single thing. His daughter was 20 when I first met her and 29 when I told her she was not welcome in my house ever again. It was a horrendous 8 years, it destroyed my self esteem and my confidece. It caused me severe health issues and anxiety. She has been out of my life for just over a year, and only recently her boyfriend bailed me up and started more issues. My husband even blamed me for that. I was bailed up in the shopping centre, never saw this boy coming, and my husband said it was all my fault I shouldn't have listened to him.

I had 8 years of it all being my fault. I was too sensitve, I took everything the wrong way, I just didn't like his kids, I just didn't want him to have a relationship with his kids, I was just looking for trouble on and on and on he went for years. I was a mess. His daughter was pure evil. She made it clear she wanted to see us both dead and even then his response was, she doesn't mean it He defended her no matter what she did to him, to me, to anyone, she was never at fault it was everyone else. This is the life you are heading into. She reversed into a parked car once, and hit someone's car and took off. Someone had seen her do it and got her number plate. The police became involved and she was made to pay for the damage. Her response and worse still my husband's response. It was not her fault, it was all the fault of the person who took down her number plate, they needed to mind their own business. This family is completely amoral. I didn't get to see how he was as a father before I married him, you are lucky you are being given a sign of what is to come. GET OUT.

Before you convince yourself that your love is different let me tell you something. He was the love of my life, my soul mate I had never loved anyone as I loved him, his happiness came before everything to me. I never thought it possible to love anyone the way I loved him, the kicker, I thought he loved me too. Turned out once I saw the real man, he was too in love with himself to truly be able to love anyone else. He convinced me he was someone else, he wined, dined and charmed me. Not as it turns out because he loved me as I loved him, but he saw in me someone who would take care of him, who would always put him first, he was selfish. The history of your boyfriend is doomed to repeat itself, because he also takes no responsibility.

You are thirty, my youngest is also 30. It would break my heart if she were in your situation, please do not hesitate please leave. Leave and do not leave looking for someone else to fill his shoes, give yourself some time to heal, you will find that once you learn to like yourself, you will make better choices for yourself. You will not settle for anything less than respect from anyone, and neither you should. Someone who has clearly failed at parenting and who refuses to accept that, worse still passes the blame onto another (you), stay well clear of. Listen to your gut.

Curlysue, I married a man with grown children and none of them ever lived with us, but let me tell you, they can be far more manipulative, greedy, self centred and evil than any younger child could ever hope to be. Adult children have had years and years of daddy's wallet being theirs, and it will be a cold day in hell before they will let anyone come between them and daddy's wallet. I'd take my chances with younger kids any day - That's how bad adult kids can be.

You need to be very very very very careful here. They say talk is cheap. Sweet talk is free because it is worthless.
Seriously, how did you expect him to answer. When a wife asks het husband is he having an affair, do you think they say yes of course I am. No they lie. Even though they are unhappy in the marriage and want out they lie. They do this to save themselves. They want to walk on their own terms so they sweet talk and bed the SO until they are ready to dump her.

When someone shows you who they are BELIEVE them. He has well and truly shown you who he is believe his actions not his words. Believe the actions he has shown you before he felt threatened you'd leave. Not the performance he will give you in the short term.

This is not just or even about whether he does or does not discipline his child. It is about how he has treated you about how he has spoken to you. The way he has spoken to you. It is about his history as a father and a husband

He cannot change who and what he is because you had this conversation. He can hide who and what he truly is from you for a while because you had this conversation.

If he does a complete 360 overnight you should be very very worried.

Marriedaballess I am so very sorry for your aunt. No one deserves that.

Lesson to be learned know the father before you make him a husband. These grown daughters are not about to let their inheritance go. If they have to break dad's heart and wait for him to die a slow and lonely life. Oh well no matter. They're happy. The money is all theirs again.

Daughters like this will be run over by a fully loaded karma bus one day.

Your aunt married a weak man. She is better off out of the life he was and would continue to give her. He brought these women up to be like this. He should be ashamed of himself for what he has done to your aunt. Massively ashamed.

OP - Listen to emtionaly beat up
She is right, your BF will say what you want to hear.

Please read my blog. I dated a man who did the same thing. He said I was right about his son's behavior, he said he didn't want to discipline his boy because he didn't want to ruin the little bit of time he had with him. He said he would change.

He got a little better, but if it is in a person's nature to be a lazy, guilty parent it is hard for them to change the way they are.

Yes, don't move in together. Having a long distance relationship it is very hard to see a person's true colors. Good luck to you.

Brazilian-30 I sincerly wish you the best of luck. You are a grown woman and you have made your decision. I would ask you to please not mingle finances at this stage and if you have any assets, cash, property etc., that you make sure it remains yours in the event this does not work out.

I will say this, you want to give him a chance, fair enough. But what sort of a time frame are you putting on that. Mine was 8 years. I had no idea I would be so stupid for 8 years, oh yeah, that's right, I loved him, I wanted him to be happy, I wanted to be a supportive wife.

Please make sure you do not put yourself into this relationship as anything but an equal to your partner, and NOT equal to his child, you should be more than that. The love he has for his child should be unconditional sure, and he should feel that he would put himself in front of a speeding train for his child, however, he should feel the same about you, and you should absolutely come first in the relationship. If a husband and wife each put the other first, the love that flows from that relationship benefits the child. The child will grow up in a happy, loving home.

Now when I say put the marriage and each other first, let's not be stupid here I am not suggesting that if there is one slice of bread in the house, then you two get half each and the child gets nothing. If the child needs to be rushed to hospital and you two are in the middle of watching a good movie or planning to go out for dinner, then the child waits. I am saying you need to apply common sense. The childs needs are very important, the child's wants, well they are not. Can your boyfriend distinguish between the two.

As far as talking to the family goes, I have a story for you. My very best friend has a child who has been a handful since forever. In a lot of trouble all his life. Even at one point was using drugs. He was never able to find a decent girl, all the girls he brought home were equally as trashy as he was. Well he eventually found a girl that was a bit better than the rest. My friend liked this girl, she knew the girl had issues, but she was the best he had hooked up with. This girl confided in my friend, and my friend was all for keeping her son in a relationship with this girl, she thought this girl would be able to keep her son on the straight and narrow. The boy eventually married this girl, and his mother bent over backwards to please this girl and to be 'friend' with her. She did none of this for the girl. She did it all for her son. She knew her son was a loser, and she wanted this girl to take care of her son. Your boyfriends parents will be no different. They are too emotionally involved in all of this to give you good guidence, and they have too high a stake in it. All mothers want what is best for "their" kids, they will make their opinons and decisions based on what is best for their son. If you want to run this past a family, run it past YOURS, and see what they think. They will want what's best for YOU.

Good. That's all anyone ask. I don't think you are an idiot. But I have never been an idiot either. Unfortunately women in love are more prone to making idiotic choices which seems to make the men we love treat us like idiots. Make sure you are completely honest with your parents. They need to know how he speaks to you in private in order to make good decisions about him. Take care and protect your finances.