ex's who are interfering in the new relationship
hi there:
i have been in a love with a wonderful man who is a single dad of a 5 year old. i have 2 kids -- 31/2 and 7 1/2 and have been divorced for more than 2 years. my ex is homeless, barely works and does not approve of anyone i have dated in three years. that is a total of 3 guys. he thinks that i should not date anyone as he should be the primary influence in the kids's lives. my boyfriend has an ex who is also freaking out about our relationship as she says it is going to be hard for her boy. recently, my ex contacted her and they are both now discussing how "concerned" they are about the kids since both of their exs are in love. this has caused tremendous amounts of stress and tension for all involved. does anyone have any advise on this matter? i am tired of my ex interfering in my life while barely being there for the kids. my boyfriend is responsible and caring and works...
i need to set some serious boundaries with him, please give me some ideas.
thanks
shantiom
Well, tell him if he is so
Well, tell him if he is so concerned about the welbeing of his children then he needs to get a job and help support them before putting in any kind of ideas about how he thinks something or someone should be.
He is the Father and needs to set a good example for his children, And that means being a man and paying his child support.
There is alot more to being a parent then calling yourself " Dad", Its not a name that can be demanded.. But a name that is earned and respected... KEY WORD : EARNED!!!
Until then, You should just consider him the FATHER of your children, Because calling someone dad is a special name that holds alot of love and care, All he is doing it sounds like to me is dictating.
So, My advice from my personal exsperience( as mine was a loser to), Drop him like a bad habbit until he can grow up and be what he needs to be for your children, And you move on with your life and keep better role modles around for your children on how a functioning adult should be.
You can do it all by yourself even if you didn't have a boyfriend, I did it and still do it to this day, And mine is going on 15 with me ALWAYS being mom and dad.
And we have done well without him and his influence in our life, And when my sons dad grows up one day and decides what he wants to be.. He can look us up, Until then....We have No contact with him at all, And we been ok with that.
There are good men out there, So like I said.. get rid of the trash and don't recycle it and push on baby girl, The world is yours for the taken.. SO TAKE IT!!
From one mom to another!
ex's interfering in the new relationship take2
dear jennifer:
thanks so much for your advice and writing...
i did tell him that if he called my bf's ex again, i was calling the police for harrassment. and i did just that yesterday. i also told him that i was advised by the police to get a restraining order and i have warned him that i am going to do it if he keeps it up. i am sick of her too as she is now relaying all kinds of negative info about me to him..as a way to poison our relationship and break us up.
my ex thinks that he is going to stop me from moving to my bf's town later this year as a way to control me. my bf lives three hours away. my bf's ex does not want us to live together either. so they are conspiring against us.
Move.
And if either ex asks where you guys are moving to, tell them Nunya. It's a small community on the island of Bidness.
~ Anne ~
Nothing can come of nothing.
(Shakespeare, King Lear)
moving on
hi anne:
would derive ssssooo much pleasure from telling them that, but there are laws that we have to abide by...
thanks for making me smile!!!
Hook Them Up
If the EX'S are communicating w/ one another, maybe they should get together (LOL), then maybe you EX will not be homeless anymore.....tell them that you & your BF are "concerned" about how that situation impacts the kids. :0) Ginny
Tell him to get a JOB
Tell the looser to mind his own business..Sounds like both your ex's need to "get a life"..Boundaries??? Well, you can't really stop the ex's from talking to one another..But really, who cares what they think?
tell them to get a life of their own
hello there:
yes, you are right, i should not care about what they think. but you know how it is when people say things out of context. it can be delicate.
my ex thinks he is going to stop me from moving to my bf's town with the kids in late summer. we are going to move in together and both the exs would like to do something to stop it. my bf's ex is ranting and raving about how it will look for their son to see us sleep in the same bed and that she might have to take him to court over that.
Ignore Them
Ranting from the ground of morality and making empty threats is so predictable. Trying to dictate who you date is so pedestrian. (Funny coming from a homeless guy.) This is clear and simple, a control issue for them.
Don't give them the power they both yearn. IGNORE THEM. But, draw the line if they spew their profound wisdom on the kids. Then tell them they only have validity when your actions adversely affect the kids. Otherwise, they need to butt out.
You're right, what the hell do you care about a homeless guy's opinion? Yikes, talk about throwing stones in a glass house. How ludicrous is it for a homeless man to voice concern over YOUR choices. He needs to clean his own house first, as the saying goes.
Live your life the way you want to and ignore the both of them.
what is the legality here?
my ex does not plan to get a place till the end of the year. i want to only move 3 hours away with my boyfriend, i have primary custody of the kids. he sees them every other weekend. does anyone think or have experience in this regard? can he stop me? i told him he could have them longer in summer and holidays etc.
any advice anyone?
Don't tell your business
Both of you need to stop telling your business and limit talking to the ex's. Pick another location for pickups and dropoffs and get them out of your life. No they can't tell you who you can or can't live with. Talk to your bf about your children (no more with ex) and if these nuts keep bothering you, have your lawyer send a letter in the mail. Usually that is enough and will send a strong signal that you are not kidding. Sever those ties.
He can file a petition to
He can file a petition to stop you from taking the children out of the county or state. It really will be at the judge's discretion whether or not to allow the move based on the best interests of the kids. Only you know whether or not your x will actually do that though. He may be homeless, but he is still their father. Love and caring has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not this guy has a home.
As far as him callng your BF's x. It is a free country and unless she complains of his phone calls, it really isn't a harassment of you. Once they start calling you however, it is if the calls are not welcome.
I agree with the first poster about this issue. Ignore them. They only have as much power of YOU as you let them. They do however have rights to their children.