Your SS is a a walking, talking, mouth-breathing bundle of insecurity. Sounds like DH coddled him and now SS is afraid to launch. He's got no clue what adults do. Usually parents provide coaching and guidance from babyhood into late adolescence so that by adulthood, their children are capable, and know they are capable, of life as a big boy or girl.
Since DH didn't do it, and doesn't plan to do it, I guess SS is going to stay at about this level or start to sink backwards.
I'd suggest therapy, but DH doesn't think anything is wrong and SS is scared shitless about being a grownup, so that would translate into resistance to change.
The thing that sticks out to me is the cat shit issue.
If his place stinks so BAD that it reeks of cat shit, then the cat had better go. You can't:
#1- Make that poor cat suffer and live in filth where it has to shit where it lives because no one will clean the litter box
#2- Allow SScatshit to ruin this rental and risk losing any deposit or being hit with fines. It's not ok for him to wreck your place
#3- You can't let a child walk around stinking of cat feces. OMG. Just NO. NO NO NO NO
Anyone who would or could live in such conditions is mentally ill or severely depressed.
Evict his toxic ass. If he pays rent, you can invoke conditions of his continued presence in your property. So do it. Inform him he has one weekend to clean YOUR property to YOUR standards or you will call Serve-Pro to have it emptied and sanitized and he will not move back in. Rekey the locks. If you allow him back in then engage a cleaning service weekly and quintuple his rent.
Why do you allow him to destroy your property is the question I am most interested in an answer to.
Isn't is something that you cannot utter one work about ss because it will be misconstrued as you cannot stand him. I hate that about my dh. I once told my dh that his ds was drunk and that his eyes had become red slits. My dh, replied harshly "his eyes always get that way in the sun." Turned out his son has a problem with alcohol and the red slushies he always brought with him had liquor in them.
I truly believe that when Dh's are always jumping to the defense of their offspring it is because they believe that their child unlovable and broken and the only one that is capable of loving them is their df.
When DH talks about how much SS is contributing, reframe it like this: SS is actually costing us money because of the loss of rent if we were to rent it at market rate - this loss is more than his $300 contribution.
Tell your dh the only way ss can stay is if he cleans upand pays the going rate for a rental property. Tell him this is the only way to rid yourself ofyour resentment. Its this way or you will divorce. Yeah this would be a hill to die on for me. No more freebies
Tell your dh the only way ss can stay is if he cleans upand pays the going rate for a rental property. Tell him this is the only way to rid yourself ofyour resentment. Its this way or you will divorce. Yeah this would be a hill to die on for me. No more freebies
Deleted for privacy reasons
Deleted for privacy reasons
Your SS is a a walking,
Your SS is a a walking, talking, mouth-breathing bundle of insecurity. Sounds like DH coddled him and now SS is afraid to launch. He's got no clue what adults do. Usually parents provide coaching and guidance from babyhood into late adolescence so that by adulthood, their children are capable, and know they are capable, of life as a big boy or girl.
Since DH didn't do it, and doesn't plan to do it, I guess SS is going to stay at about this level or start to sink backwards.
I'd suggest therapy, but DH doesn't think anything is wrong and SS is scared shitless about being a grownup, so that would translate into resistance to change.
Give your DH your own
Give your DH your own timeline.
The thing that sticks out to
The thing that sticks out to me is the cat shit issue.
If his place stinks so BAD that it reeks of cat shit, then the cat had better go. You can't:
#1- Make that poor cat suffer and live in filth where it has to shit where it lives because no one will clean the litter box
#2- Allow SScatshit to ruin this rental and risk losing any deposit or being hit with fines. It's not ok for him to wreck your place
#3- You can't let a child walk around stinking of cat feces. OMG. Just NO. NO NO NO NO
Anyone who would or could live in such conditions is mentally ill or severely depressed.
And again, poor kitty. Cats want to be clean.
Evict his toxic ass. If he
Evict his toxic ass. If he pays rent, you can invoke conditions of his continued presence in your property. So do it. Inform him he has one weekend to clean YOUR property to YOUR standards or you will call Serve-Pro to have it emptied and sanitized and he will not move back in. Rekey the locks. If you allow him back in then engage a cleaning service weekly and quintuple his rent.
Why do you allow him to destroy your property is the question I am most interested in an answer to.
Isn't is something that you
Isn't is something that you cannot utter one work about ss because it will be misconstrued as you cannot stand him. I hate that about my dh. I once told my dh that his ds was drunk and that his eyes had become red slits. My dh, replied harshly "his eyes always get that way in the sun." Turned out his son has a problem with alcohol and the red slushies he always brought with him had liquor in them.
I truly believe that when Dh's are always jumping to the defense of their offspring it is because they believe that their child unlovable and broken and the only one that is capable of loving them is their df.
When DH talks about how much
When DH talks about how much SS is contributing, reframe it like this: SS is actually costing us money because of the loss of rent if we were to rent it at market rate - this loss is more than his $300 contribution.
Tell your dh the only way ss
Tell your dh the only way ss can stay is if he cleans upand pays the going rate for a rental property. Tell him this is the only way to rid yourself ofyour resentment. Its this way or you will divorce. Yeah this would be a hill to die on for me. No more freebies
Tell your dh the only way ss
Tell your dh the only way ss can stay is if he cleans upand pays the going rate for a rental property. Tell him this is the only way to rid yourself ofyour resentment. Its this way or you will divorce. Yeah this would be a hill to die on for me. No more freebies