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I need some advice....

Curiousone's picture

Hello, and thank you for having this website. I started reading here early this morning and I already feel better. Smile

I am going to try and explain my story....there is so many years worth of frustration now, but I am going to try.

My husband was married married from 2000-2005 to another woman that had two kids. I started dating him at the end of 2005. The kids from his former marriage were his step kids, not his biological children.....the boy was like 19 and the girl was around 16 years old.
I never seen much of the kids when I started dating my husband, I heard about them from my husbands mother mostly but I only seen them a few times. We were married in 2006 and trouble began.....
When I moved in the kids would stop by while I was gone and *borrow* things often and never return them. The ex step daughter borrowed a tent once and left it in a friends yard and we had to eventually go get it. Over time the mess got on my nerves and I told my husband that I would not put up with this kind of thing from my very own two children and sure dont want to put up with it from kids that are not even ours.

My mother n law has pressured my husband to spend time with these young adults now. She has pictures of them all over her house that was not there before.
Over the past few years the teenage girl went to work at the local grocery store and everytime someone that I know goes through her checkout line she runs me down. Last week my sister went through her line and she told my sister I was a mean person and that I took their step dad away from them.
I have listened to stuff like this for four years now so I called the girls boss and told him to tell this young lady to stop talking about me in the grocery store.
All hell has broke lose now and my mother n law is furious because I finally said something about what the girl was doing at the store.

I understand these young adults have spent 5 years of their life with my husband but its not my fault that things happen and he now stays home with his new family. IF my husband wanted to go see the ex step kids he would...I certainly dont say anything.

I am tired of my mother n laws actions and I am so tired of the ex step daughter. I know its not my husbands fault but I cant help but be a bit angry with him too.
I have even dealt with the ex step daughter stopping by and dancing for my husband and all his friends, they were in the yard when I pulled in that day and the girl was on a table showing the guys her routine for her stripper job she was wanting. :jawdrop: She was not nude but she was showing them her moves. She is a wild one to say the least.

I did not bust his marriage up. His ex wife was cheating on him with a man in another state and filed for a divorce in 2005.

I have two young children and I married for hopes of a peaceful life. My children dont have grandparents (my parents passed away), I wish my husbands mother would just accept what she has and stop causing all the trouble. I am about at my wits end with the entire family and I have half a mind to move away. Life is too short for all the drama that goes on nearly every week. I have not had a conversation with my mother n law in four years were she dont mention those kids at least once....

I cant explain everything that has taken place on these few lines..it would take a book for me to explain the load of crap over the past few years.

I am just tired of it all...so tired, and I needed someplace to vent, and I thank you all for allowing a place to do that.

VAStepMom's picture

Wow.

1). Do the grandparents love your children?
2). The Grandparents are sending a message to you regarding the pictures all over.
3). Calling the SD place of employment was not wise. Your call should have been to her house. KNOCK KNOCK! and discussion following.
4). How is your DH in all of this?
5). I think it is time for you to sit down with DH, get on the same page, then call a family meeting with all involved and lay out the rules and feelings. DH MUST support you all the way through this family discussion. Do not have it if he does not support you.
6). How did the SKIDS with only 5 years into this family keep the bond with their Step grandparents so long? Did you discount the bond?
7). Wedding money? Not enough? pssshhh... Entitlement. It gets no where with me. But, be prepared, what you do for one child you must do EXACTLY the same for each subsequent child if DH feels you are being unfair.

Good Luck

Shannon61's picture

You've said that you're somewhat angry at your husband, but IMHO he's the one who should take much of the blame for allowing this foolishness to continue.

DH needs to put his foot down with him mom and tell her that you are his new wife and she needs to respect that and treat you as such. She has young grandkids that she should be getting to know and doting on. She sounds like a busy body with too much time on her hands. She needs to get a life.

DH then should set his SD straight and tell her that either she accepts and respects you, or he will cut all ties with her. He should let her know that he doesn't want to hear anything she's said about you in the street or anywhere else and that you would not do anything to hinder their relationship.

Finally, don't allow them to bully you into leaving the relationship. .which is what they are hoping you will do. Stand your ground with DH and remind him that you must be on a united front and that you and your children should be his top priority.

Curiousone's picture

^ Thank you Shannon 61, that is exactly how I am feeling and I appreciate your comments.

I am not jealous of the step daughter, I have tried to get along with her in the beginning she just never likes anyone to get in her way.
She has managed to run off my husbands biological daughter as well, his real daughter said the step daughter was very cruel to her and she got tired of her own grand-mother pushing her off on her.
His biological daughter was a very sweet and innocent girl....she still is and I miss her very much. To this day his real daughter does not come around and has NOTHING to do with the step daughter.

If any of you was around this step daughter you would understand, she is impossible. I had no choice but to call in on her, it would not do any good to talk to her...believe me, I have tried. I had to put a stop to her talking trash about me in the small town I live in. Thats ridiculous for a 20 year old to stand in a check out line and run me down in public when I have not said anything mean to her since I have come into this family.

Nobody wants a ex step daughter to dance (stripper style) around their husband. Yea, that day I was pissed off and told her to go home and put some clothes on.....I told her she should have more respect for herself than to be dancing in a yard in front of a bunch of guys. I cant believe my husband allowed her to even do that in our yard.

I think my MIL just wants my husband single. She has ran off a couple of his wives. His daughters mother told me the woman was just impossible to get along with...I believe she was right. The second wife could not tolerate the woman either.

I dont think my husband will ever be man enough to tell his mother to butt out, nor do I think he has any control over that ex step daughter of his.
I feel like I am in a impossible situation here....Ugh!