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Why do you have to give birth to be a mom?

geeps's picture

Submitted by geeps on Sat, 09/04/2010 - 12:58am

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Why do you have to give birth to be a mom?

DH and I have had sole custody of SD4's since I've been with him. Much of that time BM was absent from their life, showing up when it was convenient for her. She "supposedly" has them EOWE, but often backs out. We used to be very civil and she recognized me as a huge part of their life and appreciated it. Recently she went on a "super-mom" trip and now insists I am nothing special, I will never be their mother and I have no say in their lives.

Her exact words..."I can play mommy all I want but I will never be their mom."

These are children that I have raised for over a year when she didn't want to be around. I feed them, clothe them, bathe them, take them to school, brush their teeth, tuck them in at night, etc. This is 90% of the time. While I understand that I didn't push them out of my "you know what", I don't understand the supposed connotation of the word "mom". I view myself as their mother. They ask me on a constant basis if I am their mom and if they can call me mom. Because of BM's craziness I have to evade the questions with "I do all the things a mom would do." But sometimes I want to say F-This, I'm their mom. Get over it BM, you abandoned them and are only interested in NOT paying CS.

I am just tired of people saying step-mom's will never be real moms to their step kids.

Orange County Ca's picture

Submitted by Orange County Ca on Sat, 09/04/2010 - 11:56am

Tell the kids they are welcome to call you "Mom".

Always refer to their bio as "bio-mother" or if you want to be nice just "mother".

Ignore crazy bio - even the kids know she's not Mom so quit worrying about her.

iwishyouwould's picture

Submitted by iwishyouwould on Sat, 09/04/2010 - 1:55pm

You dont have to give birth to be a mom. Nine months and some pushing isnt the hard part.

caregiver1127's picture

Submitted by caregiver1127 on Sat, 09/04/2010 - 3:09pm

Exactly - I grew up in a home of 16 kids and when I tell people that we are all adopted they are like whew - I thought your mom gave birth to all of those children - I always look at people funny when they say that and I say "I think she had the hard part of raising them" - especially because 12 of them are handicapped and my parents opened their hearts and homes to children no one wanted. I feel what makes you a mom is what you do for your children not if you have children. There are some BM's that I don't consider moms because they are horrible mothers.