Ugh, don't know what to do

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Recently SD15 has undergone some weird change in her behavior that happened with in minutes. One minute her, DH, and my self were joking around and have a great time and the next minute she's blowing up on her dad for brushing up against her foot which was laying right next to his arm on the couch. Now, I get that could be normal teenage behaviour for some teens, but SD has never flipped out on anyone but her BM. She's always been super concerned about other people's feelings, and is normally a pretty clingy girl...lile annoyingly clingy at times. Ever since she flipped out on her dad she's been excluding herself to her room, only coming out to eat and go to school. She's been treating us like she disgusted with us. One night DH and I were in the Living room dancing with DD and SD came down, we tried getting her to dance with us, and normally she would, but she just walked off and called us stupid. Normally she begs DH for a hug, but now she recoils when he offers her one, which hurts DH because they've always been so close. I've asked her three times if everything is okay...the first time she said yes but I know she's lying so I pressed her...now she has a habit of making issues up because she doesn't want to talk about stuff and she thinks we will believe her made up issues.. she finally tried to tell me that my brother was looking at her all lustfully when he came over that day. Now first off, SD was molested when she was 3 and she barely remembers any of it. Her grandmother has beat into her head that every man is out to molest or rape her ever since. Since she turned 13 she's accused 4 men of trying to touch her or looking at her pervertedly...all 4 men where relatives or friends. Secondly, I was present the whole time my brother was visiting and he did absolutely nothing out of the ordinary. I told my DH about her accusations and he flipped out a bit, told her no one was buying her falsehoods anymore and that one day something was really going to happen and no one would believe her. I'll be the first to admit he was a bit harsh with her. She admitted that she was just making stuff up because nothing is wrong but I kept asking. However she still has been acting not herself. I'm getting pretty tired of this person she's acting like (she's trying to tell us that this is how she's always been)...i don't even know where I was trying to go with my ramblings, sigh. Basically, SD is not acting normal (and she's not a normal teenager) and I've gotten to the point where idk what to do but her behavior is affecting everyone. Her lies about people are also really starting to grind people's gears. My brother is always helping out, bought her a new phone when she broke hers, bought her a laptop for Christmas when we said she didn't need one because she's never use it, opened her and DD up savings accounts that he puts money in every payday, made both girls his beneficaries...do I tell him she lied about him or No? What do we do about her behavior? How do we get her to talk about what's really wrong?

I wouldn't tell your brother.

I wouldn't tell your brother. I think you handled the situation with her and it would only hurt his feelings. Is she in therapy. It might be something you want to start seriously considering if not.

First of all I do think you

First of all I do think you need to tell your Brother that SD has lied about him. He deserves to know so he can be extra careful in the future. SD confessed to lying this time but the next time you may not be so lucky. If she goes to school and tells a teacher that your Brother behaved that way, the police would be involved. Please protect your bother and do NOT allow him to be alone with SD at any time ever. For his protection. Even a false accusation can ruin a persons life.

I think this is a warning sign. She has either had something happen to her that she cannot fess up to or she is having delayed reactions to her prior molestation.
You say she doesn't remember it but how do you really know? I would get her into counseling immediately.
She could have been a victim of date rape, molestation by a teacher, anything. And now she is acting out. But clearly for her to have such a quick personality change, there is a big problem.

YES!!!~~~~ ALL of this----

AND tell him to stop buying her crap, people that lie on others shouldn't be rewarded plus she might say he is doing it to get in her pants.

I guess we assume she doesn't

I guess we assume she doesn't remember it because when she was in counseling she ways told them that she doesn't remember mich. We've also put her in therapy many times over the last 12yrs and that was all anyone ever wanted to focus on, and she always insisted she didn't remember. Most of her issues the last 9yrs have been with her mom. They've been pretty bad the last year because I had a baby. Her mom want a to be a part of DD life and SD is 100% against that, and we've backed her 100%.

My DH and I both agree that my brother would be hurt if he learned of her lies, but I feel he has a right to know and DH disagrees.

First of all I do think you

First of all I do think you need to tell your Brother that SD has lied about him. He deserves to know so he can be extra careful in the future. SD confessed to lying this time but the next time you may not be so lucky
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HE NEEDS TO BE TOLD ASAP! I can't even imagine why anyone would keep this from him!! It is settign him up to be accused if you do not tell him. He needs to stay away from her. Actually, at this moment all men need to be kept from SD since you all know she lies about this all the time. She is going to ruin someones life.

Why would your brother make a

Why would your brother make a step kid his beneficiary? That is weird.

SD has been in our family

SD has been in our family since she was 4, we all love her like she belongs...because she does. Our whole family, extended as well, is on big blended family..no one has an "intact" nuclear family. We don't see "steps" as less than. My "step"dad is my dad. Our "step" sisters are our sisters. My brother as seen SD as his niece for 11 years, he didn't see why he should start seeing her any differently just because I had a biological child. I assume that's why he wanted to do the same for her as he did for DD.

But I agree that buying her stuff needs to stop if she is going to lie about him. He's a sweet guy and would give the shirt off his back to a stranger on the street. We live 2.5 blocks from her school and on any given day that she doesn't want to walk he'll drop everything to give her and her friends rides home. And it is going to stop now.

I am going to tell my brother, and probably a few other family members because should she decide to falsely accuse him again it would ruin my marriage as my brother and are extremely close and Idt I could ever forgive SD. I love her to death, but I love my brother more. And I know that if that was the cause of my marriage to fail then my DH would send her to live with her BM.

Either sd is having flash

Either sd is having flash backs or she is seeking attention because of the fact her mother is behaving bizarrely regarding your dd, and as she had no contact for some years then that must cause all sorts of hurt. Clearly this behaviour manifested itself when her mother re entered her life? I would be wary of it escalating.

Plus she did have something traumatic happen as a young child, that is some head screw and would cause a plethora of feelings in an attempt to come to terms with that. While I can imagine everyone wants to protect sd, her gbm teaching her to be paranoid about males vs sensible safety is not helpful imo. Its bringing the idea and or memory of the event intothe foefront in an non nuturing capacity and isnt on par with emotional support.

Did you say sd is in intensive therapy! Imo she needs it and this therapist should have sensible suggestions to help yourselves and with sd behaviour. I dont know much but sd needs to understand its not ok to make these suggestions and that she will have to face consequences of her behaviour.

Yes, her BM has caused a lot

Yes, her BM has caused a lot of issues for her...it was her ex boyfriend who molested SD. She chose to no longer see her when it all came out and had a child with him. She decided to come around again when he left her. Most of the time when something is bothering that she doesn't want to talk about its about her BM, and that's why I believe whatever is causing her behavior is more about BM and not her past. But, I'm not in her head and with her you'll never know 100% for certain.

She's been to many different therapist over the years. Some specializing in sexual abuse, some in children with separated parents. She's don't play therapy when little, and a few other therapies. Most of the time they tell us they are getting anywhere because she doesn't talk. A few told us she was a perfectly happy child, and the last one told us she just needed Jesus in her life.

We've told her grandmother that she needs to stop filling her head with those ideas, otgerwise she's going to become so afraid of men that she'll never be able to have a relationship...at this point I think that's what will happen.

First, keep her away from the

First, keep her away from the grandmother for a while

second, her mother has a child with the person that molested her. Is he back in any capacity? Does he see his child? Is she seeing something in the child that is triggering her?

She is not back with her

She is not back with her second child's father. Furthermore, there is a decree in the custody agreement and should BM take SD within so many feet of him she will lose all parental rights to SD. Here second daughter knows nothing about what happened to SD, at least to me and DH knowledge. SD loves her sister very much...her sister and grandmother are the only reasons she visits her BM.

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Ugh, don't know what to do