O/T: What is a Reasonable Curfew time for a 16 year old....?
My SD turned 16 last month and she wants to be out and about like all other teenagers do. We are not used to letting her be out late into the evenings/night. She went out with a friend last Saturday to a haunted house and was given permission to spend the night. According to the friends mom there was no "ifs and or buts" they HAD to be home by midnight. Well, lo and behold the mom gave them permission to be out past midnight. They were with the friends older sister. SD16 failed to let us know this and the only reason we found out was because I called her at midnight when she was supposed to text me to let me know they had MADE it HOME.....SD16 said that it was her friends "curfew" and the mom gave them permission to be out later. Whatever...
So I was wondering what would be a reasonable time for her curfew? I am thinking maybe 11 pm.....
It depends on the 16 year
It depends on the 16 year old. If she is a mature 16 year old, and responsible, you can give her more room, but if she is one who is not, you need to tailor the rules to fit her situation.
I would not allow my 16 year old daughter to be out later than 11:00 PM, and ONLY if I KNEW the people she was with were safe and responsible!
It is important that you communicate with the parents of your SD's friends and come to an agreement with them, as to what YOU and Your DH's rules are for your Stepdaugher. If the parents of the other kids can't honor your rules, then your SD can't be out with their kids, or at their house. Sounds like the parents of your SD's friends are not able to stand firm in their rules!
The kids can possibly come over to your house and spend time with her there? Have a chaperoned party (by you) or gathering at your place. You and your DH can be in your bedroom, den, or some other room in the house, and let them have some privacy, but periodically check on them.
Good luck.
Thank you so much for your
Thank you so much for your reply! I just talked to my SD about last Saturday and she said that it was a "one time only" type of situation were the friends mom let them out past midnight.
I also told her that when we "establish" a curfew for her that it is in her best interest to NOT argue the time because then she will just be staying home!
Special occasions? I say
Special occasions? I say midnight. This means a school dance, friend's birthday party, etc...heck, even out on a date where I know exactly where they will be and it's within 10-15 miles of my home. After that, 10PM on weekends and that's about it. Sigh. My curfew was 12M in COLLEGE! Why do kids/parents think that kids need to be out and about running the streets with friends, without a responsible adult, at midnight or past midnight is beyond me.
Dd18 had a curfew of 11, when
Dd18 had a curfew of 11, when she turned 17 it was 12. When she turned 18 and still in high school it was 12:30. When she graduated it was 1. I was up waiting on her most nights. She also had to wake me up if I was sleeping.
Now that she's in college she tells me an aprox time. She has to txt me when she's leaving and wake me up when she gets home.
When I was 16 My parents
When I was 16 My parents curfewed me on a case by case basis. As circumstances came up, I could stay out later. I was very involved with school, and I always told my parents who I was with, and what we were doing and usually there was a why or a good reason to be out late. Generally I was home by 9 on weekdays, and 10 or 11 on weekends, but sometimes, I would be out later, depending on what I was doing. I always had to tell my parents when I was planning on being home, as there was no set curfew, and call them if anything changed. There was a town curfew though, that was usually earlier than what my parents would make me come home by. So if I wasn't out for a good reason, I could have been ticketed for curfew violation.
Street lights turning on was
Street lights turning on was the curfew when I was a child. DH had that for the kids here too...Then...once they decided they'd run buck ass wild he had NO curfew, no rules, NOTHING!
No bed time, no punishments, nothing! There was the occasional 'please do not do that' and then he wonders 'what happened?' Things like setting off fireworks at 2 in the AM! Running around all night long seemed acceptable?
I can tell him what I think happened! That would go down like a lead balloon though...right?