That depends on their relationship and the context of their communiction.
My parents never have spoken to my XW but they do occassionally run in to my XSIL and will share a table for a meal is they run in to each other while waiting for a table.
My XILs used to send me a birthday card with $10 in it for 10 years after their adulterous whore a daughter divorced me. I would run in to them periodically when I had an office near their home. They would invite me to their house for tea or coffee which I did do a couple of times when I was at that office. My bride was kept in the loop. My XILs even invited us (DW, SS, and I) to their ranch for July 4th for years after we moved to the city were their daughter and I had lived while married. Coffee is one thing but exposing my amazing bride and my kid to that part of my history was not something I or they were interested in.
I still see my ex-MIL and FIL (BS's grandparents) now and then. They send us a Christmas card every year. They come to our house about once a week to visit with BS18, and he goes to their house once a week. They live just a few miles away. BS18 is the only grandchild they have in the area (as their other two have always lived across the country) and they're very close. But we're not friends. We don't hang out other than that. DH doesn't have a problem with it either. Neither does my ex.
IF DH had a problem with it, they wouldn't come to our house. But everybody's cool with the arrangement, so it's all good. That's the difference. Nobody's flaunting anyone in anyone's face to be hurtful or nasty.
I think it depends on why the ex would want to stay connected to the inlaws.
I don't speak to my ex MIL, only because she's horrible horrible bitch who's a moron. If she is down visiting ExH and I have the kids she'll call and ask if they can come over and why not..they love their grandma, but get us two talking and it always turns into her calling me a bitch who left her son and broke up his family and then I get all heated and tell her it's really all her fault because of her parenting and the fact that she raised a narcissitic douch bag. But, that's just me.
Like everyone else says, it depends. I wouldn't care if my inlaws keep/kept in touch with BM. They are SD's grandparents, and SD lives with BM. I know they were in contact on occasion when SD was still a minor about them watching SD on rare occasions, or about SD's soccer schedule so they could go watch her play. (They live closer to SD than DH, and DH rarely went to SD's games. I didn't approve of his limited interest, but not my kid...) I know that my inlaws can't stand BM, so it was purely for extra access to their granddaughter. I have no issues with that. Now they no longer speak to SD23, so I know there is no more contact.
On the other hand, I felt they had inappropriate contact with DH's ex-gf for a few years. After DH and GF broke up (This relationship was after DH's divorce, but before me.) they kept in touch with her. She would go visit them, and talk on the phone with them frequently. I felt this was inappropriate because DH and the ex-gf were on very bad terms. If they had parted as friends, I wouldn't really care. Once we got married, and she saw a wedding picture of ours on the wall, she even had the nerve to email DH and question my looks (I have short hair, big deal!) and write nasty things to him and about his parents. At the time, it was over 5 years since they had split up! That was when I finally told my MIL I didn't think it was right with them having contact and then DH getting nasty emails. They were horrified and cut contact. That ex-gf was looney!
My IL's hate BM and want nothing to do with her. But, oddly, BM's family still likes my DH and we get invited to things sometimes. *shrug* My skids are older, so we've had "family" stuff (like SD23's wedding this summer) where we were all together, and it was fine. And DH's ex-IL's seem like nice people, so if we run into them out somewhere we might hang out together. I think they're generally respectful of BM's feelings about that though (and her new DH, even though they apparently hate him), so they don't make it a big deal.
I'm in the same situation, my BM's family loves DH (some of her family even hug me at skid events, which BM hates lol). They also invite us to family events, we always decline. My in-laws hate BM, don't even say "Hi" to her. BM's family also dislikes her new husband.
I think it's weird. I think it's ok to talk to ex family during a stepkid related event (ie. friendly at kids sporting event) but to talk on the phone or use it as an excuse to talk to gkids it's ridiculous. Talk to gkids during your own child's custody time.
I don't remember ever talking to my grandparents on the phone and I grew up with divorced parents. We just saw/talked to that set of grandparents when we were with mom or dad on their time. I think a lot of grandparents these days are over involved and overbearing.
I have the best story for this question. My in-laws never liked BM and still don't. Years have gone by since the divorce and they've had no reason to have any dealings with her.
Until now. One of my bil's has joined a multi level marketing scheme and he called BM to try to sell her! Dh and I could. not. stop. laughing!!!
Also the in laws visited us last week from several states away. The other bil rode along with DH when he took the skids back to BM's after a short visit with their visiting kin. When Dh and bil got back (minus skids), bil walked past me with a disturbed look on his face. "BM sure has changed," he muttered in distaste, "I hadn't seen her in 10 years." I stifled a snicker and responded, "Lucky you." He burst out guffawing. Normally we're all so polite, his hearty laugh at my snark was like a fresh rainfall in a desert!
Apparently she used to be cute. Now I describe her as having "embraced middle age with enthusiasm."
NO! NO! NO! DH recently had to tell his family that if they kept associating with her and bending to her ways try would not be in our lives. It had gotten so out of hand. DHs family would come from out of state to visit and she would plant herself at his mothers house and we couldn't see them the entire time they were there. It's one thing to do it and it not affect anyone. It's another to make me feel ostracized because they so obviously feel she is family and I am not. They are divorced. It needs to be cut off.
I think it's ok, but not
I think it's ok, but not always a good idea, if you know what I mean. It's not a crime, but sometimes it can be harmful to the parties involved.
no problem as long as they
no problem as long as they respect your position as their daughter-in-law and your husband's wife.
That depends on their
That depends on their relationship and the context of their communiction.
My parents never have spoken to my XW but they do occassionally run in to my XSIL and will share a table for a meal is they run in to each other while waiting for a table.
My XILs used to send me a birthday card with $10 in it for 10 years after their adulterous whore a daughter divorced me. I would run in to them periodically when I had an office near their home. They would invite me to their house for tea or coffee which I did do a couple of times when I was at that office. My bride was kept in the loop. My XILs even invited us (DW, SS, and I) to their ranch for July 4th for years after we moved to the city were their daughter and I had lived while married. Coffee is one thing but exposing my amazing bride and my kid to that part of my history was not something I or they were interested in.
So, my answer is..... it depends.
I still see my ex-MIL and FIL
I still see my ex-MIL and FIL (BS's grandparents) now and then. They send us a Christmas card every year. They come to our house about once a week to visit with BS18, and he goes to their house once a week. They live just a few miles away. BS18 is the only grandchild they have in the area (as their other two have always lived across the country) and they're very close. But we're not friends. We don't hang out other than that. DH doesn't have a problem with it either. Neither does my ex.
IF DH had a problem with it, they wouldn't come to our house. But everybody's cool with the arrangement, so it's all good. That's the difference. Nobody's flaunting anyone in anyone's face to be hurtful or nasty.
I think it depends on why the
I think it depends on why the ex would want to stay connected to the inlaws.
I don't speak to my ex MIL, only because she's horrible horrible bitch who's a moron. If she is down visiting ExH and I have the kids she'll call and ask if they can come over and why not..they love their grandma, but get us two talking and it always turns into her calling me a bitch who left her son and broke up his family and then I get all heated and tell her it's really all her fault because of her parenting and the fact that she raised a narcissitic douch bag. But, that's just me.
Like everyone else says, it
Like everyone else says, it depends. I wouldn't care if my inlaws keep/kept in touch with BM. They are SD's grandparents, and SD lives with BM. I know they were in contact on occasion when SD was still a minor about them watching SD on rare occasions, or about SD's soccer schedule so they could go watch her play. (They live closer to SD than DH, and DH rarely went to SD's games. I didn't approve of his limited interest, but not my kid...) I know that my inlaws can't stand BM, so it was purely for extra access to their granddaughter. I have no issues with that. Now they no longer speak to SD23, so I know there is no more contact.
On the other hand, I felt they had inappropriate contact with DH's ex-gf for a few years. After DH and GF broke up (This relationship was after DH's divorce, but before me.) they kept in touch with her. She would go visit them, and talk on the phone with them frequently. I felt this was inappropriate because DH and the ex-gf were on very bad terms. If they had parted as friends, I wouldn't really care. Once we got married, and she saw a wedding picture of ours on the wall, she even had the nerve to email DH and question my looks (I have short hair, big deal!) and write nasty things to him and about his parents. At the time, it was over 5 years since they had split up! That was when I finally told my MIL I didn't think it was right with them having contact and then DH getting nasty emails. They were horrified and cut contact. That ex-gf was looney!
I'm in the "it depends"
I'm in the "it depends" camp.
My IL's hate BM and want nothing to do with her. But, oddly, BM's family still likes my DH and we get invited to things sometimes. *shrug* My skids are older, so we've had "family" stuff (like SD23's wedding this summer) where we were all together, and it was fine. And DH's ex-IL's seem like nice people, so if we run into them out somewhere we might hang out together. I think they're generally respectful of BM's feelings about that though (and her new DH, even though they apparently hate him), so they don't make it a big deal.
Love this sig line. Hadn't
Love this sig line. Hadn't noticed it before. Must show it to DH.
I'm in the same situation, my
I'm in the same situation, my BM's family loves DH (some of her family even hug me at skid events, which BM hates lol). They also invite us to family events, we always decline. My in-laws hate BM, don't even say "Hi" to her. BM's family also dislikes her new husband.
I think it's weird. I think it's ok to talk to ex family during a stepkid related event (ie. friendly at kids sporting event) but to talk on the phone or use it as an excuse to talk to gkids it's ridiculous. Talk to gkids during your own child's custody time.
I don't remember ever talking to my grandparents on the phone and I grew up with divorced parents. We just saw/talked to that set of grandparents when we were with mom or dad on their time. I think a lot of grandparents these days are over involved and overbearing.
I have the best story for
I have the best story for this question. My in-laws never liked BM and still don't. Years have gone by since the divorce and they've had no reason to have any dealings with her.
Until now. One of my bil's has joined a multi level marketing scheme and he called BM to try to sell her! Dh and I could. not. stop. laughing!!!
Also the in laws visited us last week from several states away. The other bil rode along with DH when he took the skids back to BM's after a short visit with their visiting kin. When Dh and bil got back (minus skids), bil walked past me with a disturbed look on his face. "BM sure has changed," he muttered in distaste, "I hadn't seen her in 10 years." I stifled a snicker and responded, "Lucky you." He burst out guffawing. Normally we're all so polite, his hearty laugh at my snark was like a fresh rainfall in a desert!
Apparently she used to be cute. Now I describe her as having "embraced middle age with enthusiasm."
NO! NO! NO! DH recently had
NO! NO! NO! DH recently had to tell his family that if they kept associating with her and bending to her ways try would not be in our lives. It had gotten so out of hand. DHs family would come from out of state to visit and she would plant herself at his mothers house and we couldn't see them the entire time they were there. It's one thing to do it and it not affect anyone. It's another to make me feel ostracized because they so obviously feel she is family and I am not. They are divorced. It needs to be cut off.