I failed--Venting/Confession
So I was doing so good lately not letting the toxicity of BM come into my life. I stopped talking to all of our mutual friends or friends from High School that knew us both because I was tired of hearing about BM and constantly being asked (and me bitching along) about her and our problems. I don't keep up with BMs life or any social media accounts that has anything to do with her. I long ago deleted my Facebook and now that I am no longer friends with these people that I was really close to everything has become better. I can breathe and talk about normal people things. I enjoy the peace and staying away from the negativity that always comes with BM.
Well today BM called to talk to SS like she usually does before DH goes to work. We had a cartoon playing in the background and SS3 was eating a bowl of ice-cream when she called. It was on speaker which I hate but he's 3 so she tries to talk to DH too. Anyway…SS didn't want to talk to her. She said hello and he said hello back and then kept eating his ice cream. She kept talking to him and he wouldn't answer, I was sitting on the couch playing spider solitaire and just rolling my eyes. THEN she says "DH turn the tv off so he will talk to me"; DH honestly didn't hear here because he was putting on his work clothes. And then she asked again and instead of KEEPING MY MOUTH SHUT AND LETTING HER TALK TO HERSELF (since nobody was listening to her) I let out a big fat outburst that SS wasn't talking to her because he was eating ice cream and that that was why he wasn't talking to her. And of course I had an attitude because this girl is ridiculous. When DH calls to talk to SS on her time she lets him play on his phone and run around and then when DH asks for her to give him the phone she always tells DH that SS doesn't want to talk to him and that she doesn't want him to be a robot like us….no idea that a well mannered child is called a robot these days.
She then sends DH a text saying Im a bitch and have an attitude that he needs to adjust…that I ran away all of my friends and that they told her all of things that goes on in our house and blah blah blah….like literally I just want to punch her AND THEN punch myself in the face because all of this could have been avoided if I just would have let her yelling to DH who couldn't hear her…Geez I failed and fell into that old trap of letting her effect my household and now her and DH are having a text war about what she thinks is going on and how evil she thinks I am.
Maybe both mom and dad should
Maybe both mom and dad should stop with the phone calls during the other parent's time until the kid is older.
So you fell off the wagon.
So you fell off the wagon. Just pick yourself up and jump back on. We all have set backs in life and in the context of that this is pretty small. Don't be so hard on yourself. You learned from the incident and it's very unlikely you'll let it happen again.
And as above tell your husband to just ignore those texts that are not about the kid and then one answer is almost all that's needed. He should ignore everything else because every response he makes demonstrates the power she has to disrupt his life. He can pull that power by simply setting the phone down.
Well played. You caused her
Well played. You caused her to blow her stack. Have fun playing her and baring her ass. It is a truly enjoyable game in the war with the toxic blended family opposition. }:) }:) }:)
Well done.
You didn't do anything wrong.
You didn't do anything wrong.
You did nothing wrong. If dh
You did nothing wrong. If dh doesn't want you speaking out while ss is on the phone, he needs to teach him proper phone manners and monitor his calls.
This is similar to phone issues we have had all along. Set up some guidelines now so it doesn't get any more out of hand than it is.
Tell dh that the way he is doing calls is bothersome to you and not effective for communication between bm & ss. He should at least take ss out of common rooms so you don[t have to be subjected to the calls.
Additional rules he should have, but are his choice since they don't affect you: ds should be in a quiet place without distractions and told what is expected of him. He should be expected to sit with phone, listen to the caller, and answer any questions/engage in conversation. Saying hello when answering/good-bye when finished. I am sure there are tons of phone etiquette for kids articles on the web.
To be fair to DH, the text
To be fair to DH, the text war was about him telling her not to say bad things about me to him. And that he will block her completely if she doesn't start keeping their conversation about SS; she's the one who kept trying to say she knew how terrible I am and her usual bull. I was most aggravated at the fact that I had just got through talking to him about making it a rule that SS take his calls with her in his room because there have been so many stories on here about BM getting facetimed and sent photos of the stepmom and house. I don't want her invading my household anymore than she already does. It aggravates me that she claims to know "every single thing that happens in my house" when nobody she's talking to has been allowed back in my house since December. She made me sound like I'm locking him in the basement and torturing him when in all actuality SS is living in child paradise. He is the only child so he doesn't have to share anything, he's three and we let him play the iPad and Xbox (DHs choice) when we aren't out at the water park or park or zoo, we are home playing in his TWO playrooms filled to the gills with toys. He eats three course meals and he's hardly ever put in time out bc DH is determined for him to be a well mannered Child so no problems there. I just can't wait until SS can tell her what is going on so she can stop searching for the wrong information from other people. I was thinking about texting the personal who is telling her all these "horrible things I do to her son" and ask if she plans on talking about me to atleast tell the truth but like I said I am trying to keep out of all her drama so I decided to let it go.
As for why we just didn't end the call and call back later is bc DH leaves for work at 5:15 so she calls at 5. I wrote in another blog while I don't let her call my phone to talk to SS. She thinks I should always be available to her via text so she can talk to SS or attack me depending on how she's feeling so I blocked her completely.
I was saying dh was wrong not
I was saying dh was wrong not because of the text war with bm (great that he backed you up) but because he put you in this position to begin with.
He needs to manage ss's calls so that they don't impose on you.