The Funeral Topic once again - need advice as a BM
My ExH's father passed away last week - I am indifferent as he and I never really had all that much to do with each other when his son and I were married.
My Ex doesn't see our 3 kids on a regular basis and moved about an hour away from them in December of last year. The kids knew their grandfather was ill and in hospice.
My DD15 called her dad and found out her GF had passed three days earlier and her dad had not told them. She told my DS17 and he was very upset - this all happened this past Sunday. Today is Tuesday - my Ex has still not called the kids, when they try to call him it goes to VM.
He is expecting them to go to the memorial service next Monday and they don't want to go. My DS17 has a new job and is worried about asking for time off so soon after starting. DD15 will go if pushed but she is so mad at her Dad for not calling sooner. Honestly, both kids are angry at him for how this has been handled. I am trying to stay out of it and let them manage their own relationship with him but I am torn on trying to make it right for them.
What would you guys do?
If they don't want to go, I
If they don't want to go, I wouldn't force them.
It doesn't matter what you do
It doesn't matter what you do because your ex will be pissed at you if he doesn't get his way. That being said I would NOT force the kids to go. I would let the kids call their dad and tell him they don't want to go and why. Let them handle it and stay out of it. When he flips out on you then go ahead and tell him you didn't say anything and it is between him and the kids.
I would stay out of it. My
I would stay out of it. My advice would be to tell them you're sorry about how things were handled but to give their father a chance and they should call him. I would also explain this isn't a good time to make assumptions about his actions, since he did just lose his father.
Don't force them to go but
Don't force them to go but also don't actively encourage them not to go.
I did not go to either grandmother's funeral because of distance. No way I could afford to fly across the country. One GM I did not know very well. The other I was very close to. The world did not end in either case.
Thanks OLDONE, I value the
Thanks OLDONE, I value the advice you give to folks on here. I read a lot, don't post very often.
I don't want the kid's relationship with their dad to deteriorate ay further than it already has. But at the same time, I cant care more about it than he does can I?
Funerals are time to put
Funerals are time to put aside one's own feelings and show respect. They should attend. Places of business understand when a close relative dies like a grandfather. I think it is very disrespectful if they don't go.
I'm sorry for your kids loss
I'm sorry for your kids loss even though they weren't close to the deceased, and that your ex is such a jacka$$ to them. I think you should support their decision not to go and to handle things with the ex as they please and stay out of it after that.