Feeling rushed to tell SD about NEW BABY!
:?
I'm expecting my first baby (Yay!) and my step daughter is only 4.5 years old. We wanted to wait till I was further along with a nice belly bump to tell her the wonderful news. I know if we tell her now, 5 months till the baby gets here will feel like forever for her.
We have quite a few mutual friends with BM and we know she will catch wind of my pregnancy soon. We know she will tell her daughter negative things about me being pregnant and make it a bad thing in her daughters eyes. She has history of doing such things.
Is it wrong that I want to hurry and tell SD she's going to be a Big Sister before her mom does? (event tho I don't feel ready to tell her)
OR should I just let BM go ahead and tell her first and then tell her when WE are ready?
Thank you in advance all!
-First time Poster
As long as you are out of
As long as you are out of your first 12 weeks I would tell her. You are excited and she will be too! Make it happy, you all are a growing family
Congratulations!
I'm 16 weeks. I think the
I'm 16 weeks. I think the main reason I wanted to wait is because we only met her a year ago. Yes WE meaning her father and I, we had no idea she existed. We got custody of her just this summer. She is so happy with us and seems to love being the only child when she gets to stay with us.
At her mother's house she is a middle child of 4 kids all with different fathers. One child is special needs and requires a lot of attention, the other is a newborn. When she is with us she doesn't have to fight for attention and she gets lots of love.
I'm scared telling her that WE are going to have a new baby now might upset her. OR she might be excited! Still getting to know her.
Being 4 1/2 as long as you
Being 4 1/2 as long as you keep her included I think she will be excited. Little girls love babies and want to help. I think as long as you make her a big part of it all she will be thrilled
Thanks
Thanks overworkedmom.
Motherhood is new to me and I started with a 4 year old, haha.
Good to know, thanks so much.
doubt post edit*** Still
doubt post edit***
Still learning these forums.
I was in your shoes exactly!!
I was in your shoes exactly!! Am now 17 weeks
congrats hopefully your morning sickness is starting to wear off...
However, we told SD6 at 12 weeks. Here is the problem with letting your BM tell her or taking that chance. I have done a bunch of searching to figure out how is the best way to go about this. It is VERY important that you tell your SD with your SO of course. If BM where to tell SD SD would feel left out and wonder why you guys did not feel the need to tell her. It is super important that SD feels involved and not alienated from this new family member and the excitement of a new sister/brother. SD 6 was elated when we told her she has come to our first ultrasound and will be there for 20 weeks. We are trying to involve her any way we can there are also sibling baby books you can do so we are thinking about that. I would tell her and make sure you video tape her reaction
something we didnt do but we really wished we had afterwards...
I forgot to mention SD already has other siblings as well. As soon as SO and I knew a baby would possibly be in the future we put that in SD's head just by asking her if she would like that and she was all for it. Then when we found out we started bringing it up casually like if she would want a brother or sister... how we would need her help and such. She is soooo excited and so happy I wouldnt be worried if I where you.
Congrats on your pregnancy!!
Congrats on your pregnancy!!
DH and I are ttc so hopefully we will be in the same boat soon. My SD is 5 and she already as other siblings (BM's other kids) so I don't think us having a baby will be a huge shock to her. She always tells us she wants a brother or sister.
I think you should be the one to tell SD about the new baby vs. BM telling her. I wouldn't worry though- at that age, I'm sure she will be excited to have a sibling.
I agree with overworkedmom.
I agree with overworkedmom. Past 12 weeks, go ahead and tell her! make it fun and exciting! Fill her with so much joy it won't matter what BM says. and Congrats!!!
Thank you everyone! Talked it
Thank you everyone! Talked it over with SO and we will tell her this weekend!
***Update*** We told her...
***Update***
We told her... her reaction... She rolled her eyes and goes, "Ugh, another one..."
She did not look happy at all. Guess BM really made her tired of kids.
It really hurt my feelings and I almost cried. But I'm sure that's just the hormones. I hope I can teach her that this is not going to be a negative experience like her mom has given her...
From the sounds of it SD
From the sounds of it SD doesn't really get a lot of attention from BM because of her other siblings. We have had to spend a lot of time ramping SD 6 up for my pregnancy... involving her we are also considering letting her choose between the two boys names we cant pick. I think if you can include her and make her realize she isn't going to be pushed aside she might be a little bit more excited. We also prepared SD 6 for the whole 5 months we where trying and tried to get her excited for possibly being a big sister again.
Thank you so much for the
Thank you so much for the advice everyone. We find the sex next month so I will definitely tell SO to involve her in all the changes. New baby and SD will also be sharing a room until our lease is up here and we buy a house so I hope she doesn't feel like we are taking away from her personal space.
I will definitely get her excited in helping us redecorate the bedroom.
Thank you again!
I am not sure if you are up
I am not sure if you are up to this but it really helped SD 6 to come to my ultrasound and she loved it ;). Make sure someone can sit in the waiting room with her though most places will only let them in for the last 15 min or so.