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fearing for my sons safety

sherbear01's picture

Hi I am fairly new here, I've posted on a few peoples posts but have never posted on my own... Anyway, I do not trust my ss8 with my son and I am not sure how to cope with it. My son is just about 3 months old and my ss8 has only seen him twice but both times I have this horrible sinking feeling that if given the chance he would do something to hurt him. He always tries to poke at him (literally poke his face) and I have caught him "accidentally" trying to hit him with toys. I rarely leave him alone with him even for just a few minutes because the one time I didn't sit in the backseat of the car with him and the baby, my baby started screaming within minutes. I know babies cry but my baby is a very content baby and rarely cries and almost never in the car. Coincidence? I am really worried. I've said right from the beginning that his ss8 needs some kind of therapy. DH attempted to get it for him but BM refuses and limits our visitation to once every couple months. I mean he's gone through alot, any child should have therapy. Long story short BM moved in her new bf about 2 weeks after my DH moved out, after that she had him calling the other man daddy and he had seen them in bed. Then DH and I met fairly soon after and were married about a year later. BM and I both had babies within a couple of months of each other. So there is alot going on in this kids life but I have this gut wrenching feeling that ss8 may grow up to be a disturbed man. To validate my feelings we just found out that ss8 has been acting out at school, assaulting/bullying other kids, distrupting class by falling out of his desk, etc. The teacher has requested he see a Dr, and seek counselling. BM of course has done none of that and DH has no say really. The court system has not been working for us as BM is living with a police officer and plays the victim everytime we are there (you should see the waterworks ;))

Anybody have any suggestions I am at a loss other than strapping my baby to me and hiding.

bayers44's picture

I am so sorry, but my only suggestion is to avoid your ss when he comes over. Maybe visit another family member or friend.

Since BM is not going to be help and his police officer husband are covering for ss, I have to say the ss is in for a rough childhood. BM and her new hubby are going to find out the hard way, if ss has the potential to hurt your child then he has the potential to hurt the child in the other house too. ANd the sad part is BM might find out the hard way that ss needs help.

Your best bet is to keep your child away from ss.

I wish there was an easier solution for you.

sherbear01's picture

Thanks for the feedback Smile We would take ss8 to therapy when he is with us but the problem is we only have visitation with him once very 2-3 months as BM is making it almost impossible to have visitation. We also can't just pick him up and take him as he lives 3 1/2 hours away so its like an 8 hour trip to get him. When we do get him we have to pick him up friday and return him by 6 on sunday, so that only leaves saturday and I have been unable to find a therapist who works on the weekend...
I am hoping we can get some of this resolved next week as we are back in court again but I am not overly optimistic. I don't know how many people are from Canada here but it seems to take forever to proceed through the courts. They have forced us to do mediation for almost 3 years now but thankfully, we have a trial set for july so atleast I know in July there will be something set in stone.

Still Standing Strong n Spfld's picture

I still do not trust my SS14 w/my BD3,and daddy agrees. He's too immature,it's like a chore or a big deal,and so I believe he would be neglectful.He is a teen and all,so I also think it cramps his "style" blah blah....other than that he isn't that bad. the othe SS9 has behavioral issues. I am not a shrink,but I believe he does all he can to become a baby again because not only did daddy,cp, have another baby but bm did too. he is also aware that bm left before he was even potty trained only to go get a differnent family.and she causes a lot of problems.
There are times I cannot stop myself from thinking that both SSs would do swomething or allow something to happen to my only child,just because she's mine!paranoyia will distroy ya,but I can't help it,you can tell whenever a bm is putting thoughts into her kids' heads about a SM no matter how good they are. I can always tell by how the boys look at me whenever they come home from wknd visits. After so long I can tell they are gonna lie EVEN b4 they do!!!! but u can see it in their eyes, when they've been fedd some b.s. almost like they feel guilty for liking me or getting along w/me... so my little girl isn't much differnce.

Still Standing Strong n Spfld's picture

It is almost as though: if they are mean to yours, then maybe you will leave...... I do not believe running away is the answer though. but that's just me. They will always be family 1/2 or not still family