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Father's Day Gifts

Wicked.Witchy.Woman's picture

Submitted by Wicked.Witchy.Woman on Mon, 06/14/2010 - 6:31am

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General Discussion

I really don't like the way I feel about this, but I'm curious to know if anyone else feels this way.

I have had a problem the last 3 years with DH not recognizing or doing anything for me on Mother's Day. SS doesn't do anything for BM, because he never sees her. As much as I may try to disengage, I still end up cleaning up after SS, helping him with homework, making sure he has rides everywhere, going to Baseball games, etc.

Well, now it's father's day, and this is the first year I'm having a really hard time wanting to do something for DH. I am starting to feel like he doesn't deserve it. He doesn't do much for SS, I do things and my In-Laws do things. DH is so quick to pawn off SS onto either his parents or BM's parents. I tried to make DH responsible for keeping SS on his homework this year, and then I just ended up asking DH about SS14's homework rather than just asking SS. Half the time DH would say he forgot to ask. Well, SS failed 8th grade this year. THANKS DH. Now he will live with us for extra year. I blame DH for a lot of things. I really resent him for the way his son acts, and I'm starting to realize this now. It's only taken me 7 years.

Of course I still plan to try to do something for DH on Father's Day because I make such a big deal over the past years (this year was an exception) that he didn't do anything for me for Mother's Day, it would be hypocritical for me to not do the same for him.

How do others feel about recognizing their DH for father's day? What's your role in it?

starfish's picture

Submitted by starfish on Mon, 06/14/2010 - 8:08am

i don't do/get anything for dh on father's day ~~ like steperg said: "My husband is not my father." and skids are not my children...

dh & i are spending the weekend with my dad, i will send my stepdad a card, dh's dad passed away.

Grey hair's picture

Submitted by Grey hair on Mon, 06/14/2010 - 9:12am

I'm a father and step-father. If the school and/or my wife didn't remind the children about father's day they wouldn't think about it. I personally think both mother's day and father's day are another excuse for the 'let's have another celebration businesses' to make money. I expect our children to respect and be thankful for their mum and dad every day of the year, not just one, and I certainly don't want them spending their money on trinkets and cards. I've also got much bigger problems than being remembered on one day a year, as far as my teenage step-daughter is concerned! I started a forum topic today called 'Becoming irrelevant' but no-ones interested; ironic really Smile

kit2kat00's picture

Submitted by kit2kat00 on Mon, 06/14/2010 - 10:07am

If SS doesn't see BM and you are the only motherly parental influence, I think you should suggest that young SS make a card for dad or invite him to play ball at the park or something that costs you nothing. Yes, your husband isn't your father (I've always hated that saying - you can't acknowledge someone as a father on father's day even if they're not YOUR father??!?), but the young SS needs guidance.

stepmasochist's picture

Submitted by stepmasochist on Mon, 06/14/2010 - 11:23am

I agree with kit3kat, tell SS to make a card and maybe if he's capable his dad breakfast or something other special gesture.

DH and I have been together for 4 years and married last September. He never acknowledged mother's day before this year although I always tried to get him a little something for father's day.

I had told myself that if he didn't do anything for mother's day, I wasn't doing jack for father's day this year. He stepped up. Catered to me all day and I got flowers and a big planter he built, and he took his mother and I out to eat.

I think it's even better that you've made a big deal about it in the past. All the more reason for him to take notice that you're not making a big deal about it now. Be sure and hand him a big list of "honey do's" Saturday afternoon. Smile

glynne's picture

Submitted by glynne on Mon, 06/14/2010 - 12:01pm

Witchy,

I feel the same way as you do. MY DH does nothing for me on Mother's Day - SD and I have a civil relationship but that's it. I, in turn, do nothing for him on Father's Day. I make it a point not to be around on Father's Day because DH typically waits around for SD to call him which she may or may not do. I cannot stand to see him be stood up again. If SD does call - he typically will take her out for brunch, lunch or dinner and he pays. Nice Father's Day, huh?