desperate for advice!!
Well I have not been on here in a couple months! Mainly bc I have been too busy but also bc I tried this thing where I was not negative about our situation and didn’t complain. Well with that said I am tired of holding it in. So I am really having a hard time and cry every single day when DH is not looking.
So my situation doesn’t really sound all THAT bad. I have a beautiful SD10, great DH and expecting our first child in August. We have SD10 EOW and our weekends with her generally go well. It wasn’t always this easy but thankfully has gotten better.
So what is the problem? Well SD10 is pretty nice to me. She acts like we're great friends when we have her. But when she is with her BM she acts like she doesn’t know me or DH. She also lies to BM about her relationship with me (which I understand why). But she is sooooooo attached to her mom and her family that she completely forgotten that DH is her real father and family. I know there are lots of children who go thru anxiety when away from their mothers but this is extreme. SD literally calls BM 20 times a day. If she wakes in the middle of the night, she calls; at 6am, b4 she eats breakfast, after she eats breakfast; b4 church and after church, etc etc. Its borderline insane! And it takes away from our time with her bc she is constantly getting texts from BM and her step dad. This brings me to the next issue. She texts them constantly when she is with us and they text her. But what bothers me and DH is that when we text her when she is with BM she will not EVER text back or call. DH has to call her and half the time she does not answer. She treats step dad like he is her real dad because he is married to BM. But the crazy thing is that before the divorce SD and DH were thick as thieves. BM was even jealous of their relationship. Now SD only cares about BM and her family. She talks about BM constantly. It’s always about what BM did at some point or how she does something. I just let this slide because I know she is a child.
It is breaking my heart to see SD treat DH like this. And I am worried because I am afraid she will eventually have feelings of resentment towards the baby since she is pushing DH away and it will appear he is closer with the baby. I know this prob sounds insignificant to a lot of you bc I have been there when it was much worse. I just can’t live with this anymore. It is ruining my life at home with DH and outside bc I am always stressing. And now every weekend we have SD is filled with pain. I am to the point I don’t like her coming and there is no reason for that because I do love her and have fun with her.
How do we get her to remember that DH is her dad? Has anyone else dealt with this? Does it ever get better? Should DH just accept that he has lost his little girl?
phone
"when she is with BM she will not EVER text back or call" Which proves to me that when she is with those people she probably does not have access to the phone. Make it disappear at your house. Enough already get some peace at your house. It is your house you make the rules about how much time she spends on the phone and when.
We tried this one time and
We tried this one time and BM threw a tremendous fit! Started using the words "court" and "make your daughter hate you" came up. Although a judge cannot enforce a 10 year old having a phone, we just didnt feel like hearing it from BM anymore so we gave in. BM bought SD a $200 phone for Easter when she just bought her one for Christmas! And it's not like they are wealthy or anything. She is a secretary at a fitness center and he's a mechanic. Surely there are more important things for a child like clothes, etc but not in BMs mind. She is the most illogical person I've ever met!!
He tries to see her on week
He tries to see her on week days but she always puts him off. We go exactly by the papers for our weekends but BM doesnt think they apply to her.
We ask her all the time why she doesnt text us back or call and she just says I dont know. He has told her how he feels like she doesnt love him. She acts like she is not supposed to love him. Like BM is her only parent. And when SD, BM, and DH are all in the same place, SD looks to BM for approval before doing anything like hugging, talking, etc. It is soooo sad!
SD is really excited about baby. Well she was until she found out it was a boy. We went to the doc last Thurs but SD couldnt come so we got the gender in an envelope to open Friday with SD. She opens it and says it's a boy with the least amount of excitement possible. I know this is just a girl thing but can you imagine having your first child and having that moment taken from you? My whole weekend was ruined. But BM and H are not having any children- thank goodness. BM's husband(forgot to mention he is half the reason for the divorce bc BM was supposedly having affair with him and SD doesnt even realize it) does not want anymore children at all!
Let me know how the
Let me know how the disengaging goes. I have thought about it many times but I do love SD. and I don't want to miss out on things with her. What can't ppl just grow up!?!